


My Sweet Prince

by Cassy27



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Dark!Thor, Eventual Non-Con, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Torture, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 14:09:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 55,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassy27/pseuds/Cassy27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor has been stalking Loki for years, truly believing he is in love with him. One day he sees Loki with a woman and decides it's time to make Loki feel his love, to make him fall in love with him in return. Loki is suddenly faced with a horrifying situation when he's kidnapped by a madman and kept as his prisoner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was formerly posted on FF. Now you guys can enjoy it! I want to thank Greenloki for all the help she's given me.
> 
> I don't own anything!

Three years. That was how long it had taken Thor to gather all the information. Even though he was often furious with himself that it had taken him so very long, he was still very pleased with the end result. He stared at the little green book - because green was Loki's favorite color - with a smile on his face. On the first page he found a picture of the man he hadn't been able to put out of his mind in so long. He trailed a finger over the smooth surface of the photo, taking in every detail. He saw the half-long raven hair that curled slightly near the ends. He admired the pale, porcelain skin and the ruby lips. He observed the sharpness of the cheekbones and the long, thin nose. What stood out most, however, were the light green eyes.

Thor had never before seen a man like him before. Perhaps that is why he'd never been able to put him out of his head.

Loki Laufeyson.

That was his name.

A beautiful name that fitted him well.

Whenever Thor stared at the photo - which had been taken without Loki's knowledge - he found himself filled with warmth he didn't experience otherwise. Slowly, he turned the page and saw Loki's name written in his own messy handwriting. The pages afterwards revealed descriptions of what must surely be Loki's favorite food inferring from the restaurants he visited most often, or what kind of coffee he preferred deducing from what he always bought at the local Starbucks.

Thor's smile grew. For three years now he'd been collecting every bit of information about Loki and soon, _very soon_ he would gather enough strength and courage to actually strike up a conversation with him. He already had the moment entirely planned out in his mind. He knows Loki gets off of work at nine on Thursdays, then cuts through the park to head to the station and catches the train at nine forty-five. Thor would await him in the park and ask for the time. It would be the perfect excuse.

He replayed the event over and over again in his head for what must be a thousand times and he knew nothing could go wrong. He can get so very angry when things don't go his way. Then again, for three years now, Loki never once changed his schedule. Thor can't wait until Thursday comes because that would be his day. After all, he was named after the god of thunder and Thursday was his day.

Yes, Thor thought, in just a few days' time, he'll have spoken to the man he hasn't been able to forget about. Then finally his life would be complete. 

~ 0 ~

Thursday came and Thor waited in the park for what must have been fifteen minutes. _Fifteen_ _minutes_! It made no sense and as every second passed, he grew uneasy and uncomfortable because Loki never diverged from his schedule. Never!

He was beginning to think he'd made a mistake or perhaps the gods were against him. This was to be his day of triumph and instead he stood hiding behind a tree, impatiently waiting for his soul mate. He felt mocked and that made him furious.

Suddenly, Thor heard the voice of a woman. He would have thought nothing about it, but then he heard a second voice and he could recognize that one in a crown of a thousand men. Loki wasn't alone.

Carefully (as not to give away his hide-out), Thor leaned a bit to the left. His heart stopped when he saw them. He felt his blood run cold and the little hairs at the back of his neck stood up. Loki was accompanied by a woman wearing a bright red coat, her black hair spilling behind her back like ink. She was pretty, Thor dared to admit, with red cheeks and red lips. But what shocked him was how the fingers of her right hand were intertwined with Loki's.

They stopped in the middle of the park and Loki pulled her closer. Their lips met and Thor thought he was going to be sick. In the three years he'd known Loki, he had never imagined him with someone else. He'd certainly never seen him with someone else. No, Thor thought angrily, Loki didn't have a girlfriend. He would certainly never date such a… _slut_.

He could hear what they were saying.

"You'll pick me up at eight tomorrow?" The woman asked, a kind smile spreading across her face.

Ugh, she was ugly! Thor felt sick to his stomach, thinking he might actually vomit then and there. He wondered where on earth Loki would have met such an ordinary, plain woman and he definitely wondered what he saw in her.

"Of course," Loki replied with his usually smooth and kind voice. He brought her hand up and planted a quick kiss on the tips of her fingers. "You're freezing, you should get home already."

The woman chuckled. Like a child. A toddler! Thor wanted to snap her neck. Or he at least wanted to drag her away from Loki because she was definitely not worth being in his company. He'd be doing Loki a favor! He definitely needed to protect him.

"I'm looking forward to our date, Sigyn," Loki added.

 _Sigyn_. So that was her name? What an ordinary name! Thor despised her with every fiber of his being. He wanted to crush her fingers for daring to touch his Loki.

"You should hurry if you want to catch your train," Sigyn replied and Thor couldn't stand her soft, sweet voice. He couldn't stand _anything_ about her. Honestly, what did Loki see in her?

Thor had been so absorbed by his own thoughts that he missed what Loki said.

"I'll be fine," Sigyn assured him, "what's the worst that could happen to me here? Besides, my car is parked down the street. Now hurry, Loki, or you'll be stuck here in this dead town for another hour."

Thor was forced to watch the new couple kiss passionately before they (very reluctantly) pulled apart. Another moment passed where they stared into each other eyes (Thor thought he was going to throw up again), but eventually Sigyn left the park through one of the dozen exits. Thor thought he'd feel better now that he didn't have to look at her anymore, but he was still _fuming_.

Loki hurried through the park, rushing towards the train station that was still another ten-minute-walk from here. Thor knew (because he knew Loki like no other) that Loki did indeed hate spending time in this town. He wanted to move to the closest city, but he was stuck here due to his job for the moment.

For a moment, he wanted to chase after Loki then and there, but he was still too stunned to move. He didn't know how long he remained standing behind that tree, probably looking like a stalking murderer. Which he wasn't! He was simply concerned for the well-being of his soul mate.

He knew he had to do something about this situation.

Slowly, a plan was being formed. He would protect Loki from that woman and he would protect him from the world.

~ 0 ~

It was at times such as these that Thor was happy he worked in construction. There was always a winter-break, but this year the winter was exceptionally cold and biting so he had gotten an extra month off of work. It wasn't as if he really needed the money. He had extremely wealthy parents who often supplied him with money or anything else he needed.

But Thor liked to work (mainly because it kept him busy) and he'd learned a lot in the last six years. It had all been a blessing because five years ago, he'd inherited an old, abandoned house that once belonged to his grandfather. Thor had never met the man, but somehow, the old man had thought about him and left him his home. Working in construction had allowed Thor to gain knowledge and experience and so he'd set about rebuilding the house.

On the ground-floor, he renewed the living room, tossing out all the old furniture because Thor didn't want to sit in the same couch his grandfather had sat in for decades. Then he renovated the kitchen and added a little room where he could put a washing machine and a dryer. There was an old, prehistoric bathroom on the ground-level, but Thor rebuilt it, as well, until only a toilet, a sink, and a mirror remained.

On the first floor, there were three rooms. One was now Thor's bedroom which was spacious and felt like home. The second room was a guestroom, though it had never been used, and the third room used to be a storage room. That's the room he turned into a modern bathroom. It wasn't big, but it had two sinks, a shower and a bath. It was enough for Thor.

The second floor was the attic, but Thor had little interest in that space. There were only old cabinets and an old bed there, along with a desk that hadn't seen daylight in years. No, what interested Thor most was the basement. Thor might never have met his grandfather on his mother's side, but he knew he was a nutjob and that was mainly the reason why Frigga had kept herself and her family away from him. But because his grandfather was a fanatic believer in conspiracies, he built a bomb-shelter in the late sixties.

There was a cupboard at the far wall of the cellar which you could easily slide aside. Behind it was a large, heavy metal door. It led into a small and narrow underground tunnel that was perhaps thirteen feet long. At the end of the tunnel was another big, metal door. Behind that one was a room that could withstand any nuclear attack. It was completely soundproof and it had no windows because it was deep underground. There was only a small vent that supplied fresh, filtered air. Of course that had been broken when Thor first arrived here, but he'd fixed it. He'd renovated the shelter and turned it into a cell. The hidden room only had five square meters, but it was enough for one person to live in. Thor had placed a mattress on the floor and even installed a little sink with fresh, drinkable water. There hadn't been room for a toilet, though, so he'd put a chamber pot that had once belonged to his grandfather. Then he'd continued to give the walls a new color, but he had chosen for plain white. Without any windows, the room would be very dark and so he'd thought the color could lighten it a bit.

The metal doors could be opened from both ways, however, and that was a problem. An easily fixed problem. Thor removed the door latches on the inner side of the shelter/now turned cell, and also added half a dozen extra locks. There was no way his guest could escape.

And so, after working for a few weeks on the little room, Thor was ready. He could finally receive his guest. A chill ran down his back when he thought about that. He wasn't anxious or nervous, though, he was only excited because next Thursday, he would save his soul mate.

~ 0 ~

Thor liked routine. He liked predictability because it made him feel at ease. Even as a child, his mother had always made sure he knew just what would happen in a day, otherwise, he'd become the most horrible, badly behaved child in the universe. Loki was predictable and perhaps that was why Thor's eye fell on him in the first place. He always ordered the same coffee, always ate the same dishes on the same days and often wore the same clothes, though Thor didn't hesitate to think Loki had a large wardrobe at home.

It was also the reason why he knew that a little past nine, Loki would walk through the park. What Thor didn't know, however - and that unsettled him greatly - was whether he would be alone or not. If Sigyn would be with him, then Thor would need to adjust his plan. For a moment he'd considered murdering the woman, but he'd quickly discarded that idea. First of all, he wasn't a cold-blooded killer. Secondly, he wouldn't know how to go about murdering a woman and he certainly wouldn't know how to get rid of the body or any evidence.

Luck was on his side, however, for Loki quickly came into view and he was alone. He wore his usual black shoes, black trousers and an emerald green coat. Not many men would choose such a colorful coat, but Loki could pull it off. It fit his black hair and green eyes. Loki's gaze was trained on the ground which Thor had learned meant he was deep in thought.

 _No doubt he was thinking about that woman_!

Thor felt rage flooding him. He would soon make Loki forget about her.

Loki walked by Thor - who was hidden behind a tree he'd hidden behind for a thousand times already - his eyes never looking up. Clearly Loki had no idea he was being watched. Thor counted until three and then left his hide-out. Because Loki had a quick pace, he was already a few meters ahead. Still, he must have heard the movement because his head snapped up and he glanced over his shoulder.

For what must have been the first time, Thor's eyes connected with his soul mate's. It was at that moment that he knew he was doing the right thing.

Loki slowed down and Thor suddenly a jolt of fear course through his body. He'd never kidnapped a man before so he could only guess what would be the right course of action. At least the park was abandoned.

"Hey," Thor said. Loki came to a halt, his eyes narrowing which clearly meant he was on guard now. "Do you have the time?"

It was such a ridiculous question, but Loki seemed to relax. He grabbed deep into his pocket and took out his phone. All the while, Thor couldn't help but think that he'd just spoken with Loki. He'd actually said something to him. His fear subsided and became replaced with nothing but excitement. Adrenaline flooded his body.

"Ten past nine," Loki replied. He threw Thor a quick, polite smile and continued on again.

"Thanks!" Thor said even though Loki wasn't looking at him anymore. His hand tightened around the cloth in his right pocket. Rebuilding his home so it could receive a guest had been nothing compared to getting his hands on this stuff. What had unsettled him most was the fact that he'd been forced to break into his mother's practice. Frigga was a house doctor so she had all sorts of medicine. Thor had only needed one.

Chloroform.

Thor quickened his pace, his footsteps echoing through the park. Loki no longer had any attention for him which dismayed Thor. He thought he would have left an impression on the younger man, something that would have made him look at him once more, but Loki continued to walk on, minding his own business.

Checking one last time to see if no one was around, Thor prepared to make his first move. It all came down to details in the end. He couldn't back down, and he certainly couldn't hesitate. The last thing he wanted was Loki to escape. He'd go to the police and he'd clearly seen Thor's face. No, now he had to push and get it over with. Wasn't this the hardest part after all?

As Thor got closer to the younger man, Loki appeared to sense something was wrong. He spun around and his eyes widened with confusion and fear at that moment, but Thor paid it no attention. He quickly put an arm around Loki's neck and pulled him closer. A high-pitched scream escaped Loki's thin lips, but Thor swiftly pushed the cloth with chloroform against his mouth.

Loki continued to scream and Thor grew terrified that someone would hear them. He glanced around, expecting men to run towards him to save his Loki, but there was still no one around.

"Keep still, Loki," Thor warned the man in his arms.

When he'd said the name, Loki's eyes had widened even more. His hands had previously tried to push away Thor's muscled armed, but he went for a different technique this time. Loki scratched Thor's face and Thor instantly felt blood well up in the thin wounds. He didn't release his prisoner, however, but only tightened his hold.

Loki struggled and fought and Thor began to think the chloroform wasn't working. Becoming desperate, he momentarily let go of Loki only to knock his elbow against his face. Loki lost his balance and fell back, but Thor moved quickly and caught the man. Not three seconds had passed before Thor pressed the cloth against Loki's face again.

Finally, the younger man began to lose his strength. Slowly, he fell into a deep sleep and Thor felt nothing but relief. He quickly glanced around again, thinking someone must have heard their fight, but he saw no one again. This park was always abandoned after nine. And even so, their struggle had been strangely silent since Loki had barely been able to scream and perhaps five minutes had passed.

Thor put away the cloth in his pocket and without hesitating, he grabbed Loki's cellphone. He threw it on the ground and stamped it three times. He felt a heavy weight fall from his shoulders. Carefully, almost lovingly, he picked up the unconscious man and fled from the park. He'd parked his car at the east exit because no one ever walked by there and there were no houses so there could be no witnesses.

Everything had gone exceptionally well and even though Loki had put up a bit of a fight, Thor hadn't expected anything less. Reaching his car, he opened the trunk and gently laid Loki down. The chloroform should work for a few hours, but Thor would take no chances. He put a long piece of duct-tape over Loki's lips, tied his hands behind his back and tied his feet together. Afterwards, he looked down at the man he'd just successfully kidnapped and smiled.

The gods were with him and they had granted him a beautiful man. He had his soul mate and now their journey could begin.

Though Thor knew the hardest part was over for him, it was only just beginning for Loki.


	2. Chapter 2

**Day 1**

The first thing Loki grew aware of was a soft humming. He tried to recognize the sound, but he failed. He quickly realized there was an extremely bright light burning overhead, making his eyes hurt even though he kept them closed. For a moment he thought he'd forgotten to turn off the light last night before going to bed, but the idea was ridiculous. He'd never forget something like that.

Loki turned to his other side and pulled his knees up to his chest, while slowly, his senses were coming back to him. The air around him smelled unfamiliar and his nose hurt. Loki pulled his thin blanket higher until it covered half his face and he wished he could fall asleep again.

Memories rushed back to him. He instantly sat up and opened his eyes. He remembered walking through the park and being asked the time by a broad, muscular blond man. He remembered thinking he had such unnatural blue eyes. Then that same man had attacked him and now he was… _here_. Where was _here_ exactly?

The room in which he found himself was small and awfully bright. _Too bright_.

Loki found himself sitting on a mattress on the ground. There was a sink to his left and a chamber pot standing underneath it. There were no windows and Loki realized the noise he'd heard came from a small ventilator that blew fresh air into the little room. His cell. That thought frightened Loki and he felt his hands began to tremble.

What on earth had happened?

Only then did he realize another detail. He wasn't wearing his clothes anymore. Instead he wore sweatpants and an old over-sized shirt. It was such a ridiculous thought, but Loki felt sick by the idea that his attacker had undressed him. Again he pulled his knees up to his chest, feeling tears sting the sides of his eyes, but he refused to cry.

He was an adult man so he should keep his wits together. He needed to think and he needed to get out of this situation! Feeling slightly better, Loki stood and walked to the door. He didn't know what he'd expected, but of course he couldn't just walk out of here. Anger consumed him and so he screamed and shouted. He banged his hands against the door and stamped his feet on the ground. He prayed someone would hear him and come to help him, but he wasn't naïve.

He didn't know how long he'd been screaming, but eventually he stopped and returned to sit on the mattress. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, adrenaline pumping through his veins. His senses had grown extremely sharp and hyper vigilant, but all that he heard was the irritating noise the ventilator made and all that he saw was brightness.

His eyes and ears hurt.

Minutes passed. Perhaps even hours. Loki didn't know. He didn't even know whether it was day or night. He thought about his parents and brother and wondered if they'd noticed he was missing yet. He thought about his friends and wondered what they were doing right now. He thought about Sigyn and he felt his heart contract painfully. He loved her, he missed her warm touch, and he wanted to hear her loving words. He wanted to feel her arms around his neck so that he could smell her long, black hair.

Loki closed his eyes and pictured the faces of everyone he loved before him. He held onto them as if he held onto his very life and he hoped that he would soon get out of this situation. They would wait for him and they would hug him when they'd see him again. Yes, Loki thought, as long as he had them he would be okay.

**Day 2**

He couldn't know, but he swore hours had passed by now. His stomach growled angrily because he was hungry, but he didn't care. With every passing moment, he grew more afraid because in the end, his captor had to show up. Loki didn't know what he wanted more: to be left alone or to see he who'd put him in this little room again.

In the end, he didn't have much choice. He heard the turning of locks first and Loki instantly felt his muscles tense. Suddenly, he tried to remember every detail he knew about his attacker, but other than blond and blue eyes, he came up blank. The door opened with a loud, screeching sound and Loki pressed his back against the wall as if he could disappear into it. Oh, he'd give anything to be invisible right now!

A man entered, looking extremely tall in this little cell. Loki had been right about the hair and eyes and so he let his gaze fall over the rest of the man's features. He noted sharp cheekbones and a beard, and he saw the strong muscles of the man's arms and hands. Loki tried to remember everything as well as he could for when he'd escape or be released and give a statement to the police.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," the man said with a deep, but surprisingly kind voice.

Loki swallowed heavily while a dozen questions flooded his mind. Who was this man? What did he want? Why had he taken him? Why was he here? What was going to happen? Where were his clothes? What was that man's name? What were his intentions?

Loki stopped himself before he completely freaked out.

"I thought you might be hungry and thirsty." The man kneeled down and revealed a small, transparent bag as well as a small bottle of water. There were two sandwiches in the bag and Loki hated the sensation in his stomach. He was indeed very hungry, but some childish part of him didn't want to accept food from this stranger - his attacker. "Take it," the man encouraged him, "I didn't poison it if that's what you're afraid of. What would be the point? Take it because it's all for you."

Reluctantly – because god dammit, he was hungry! – Loki accepted the little bag and the bottle of water. He drank the water first before taking the first sandwich out of the bag and dared to take a small bite. It didn't taste funny so chances were it was safe to eat. A moment of silence passed and Loki could feel the man's gaze fall intensely on him. He was being observed and Loki was frightened by that idea.

"What do you want from me?" He asked carefully after a short silence. His throat was dry even though he just drank an entire bottle of water. His voice sounded rough, like he'd just swallowed sandpaper. He didn't care, though. He wanted answers and maybe, _just maybe_ he'd get a few. "I haven't got any money."

The man cocked his head a little to his left, a strand of blond hair falling before his face. "But your parents have."

That was true, but Loki had always refused to accept any money from them. He loved his parents and he was very close with them, but he'd always insisted on standing on his own two feet and his parents had encouraged him. He'd taken a job when he'd turned eighteen to help pay for university and he'd found a good job immediately after he'd graduated. His parents never paid once for his apartment or his car or anything else.

"You sent them a ransom note?" Loki asked, his voice peculiarly small.

The man nodded once. "I know who you are, Loki Laufeyson," he said, "and I know who your parents are."

"And you?" Loki had already forgotten all about the sandwich even though his stomach still growled loudly. "What should I call you?"

"Thor," the man replied instantly. If Loki wasn't mistaken, he found that _Thor_ smiled ever so slightly. Later he would realize that this was the moment he should have understood everything. He would think that it was in this moment that he should have known Thor never planned on letting him go. Why else would he tell Loki his name and show his face so clearly? But right now Loki could only nod in response. "I won't hurt you if you cooperate," Thor added.

"Where are my clothes?" Out of all the questions he had on his mind, he asked that one. Loki felt like a complete idiot.

"I burned them," Thor answered as if it was the most obvious conclusion in the world. "I can't have any traces of you around the house. Besides, the clothes were dirty and there was blood on them. When I knocked you in the face, your nose began to bleed, but don't worry, I cleaned you. But I burned everything you had with you."

Loki felt a painful contraction inside his chest. He felt as if the last thin thread connecting him to his home had just been severed. He felt his family was now further away from him than ever before. He had nothing left to remind him of them – nothing tangible at least.

"Now eat your sandwiches," Thor said. Loki didn't know whether his discomfort and his fear were obvious, but if it was then Thor either ignored it or he was completely oblivious to it. "I don't have all day."

Loki followed the advice - more an order - and ate both sandwiches. As soon as he finished, Thor stood. He towered over Loki like a giant and Loki felt himself tremble again. He wished he could appear stronger and more confident, but it was not surprising he resembled nothing more than a small, lost child. He was at the mercy of a kidnapper and he had absolutely no idea what would happen next.

Thor took the little plastic bag and empty bottle and headed out.

"Wait!" Loki had no idea what he was doing. "Will you really let me go when my parents have paid you what you want?"

"Yes," Thor answered instantly, "I will."

Thor left and the door fell shut behind him. Loki still didn't dare to move from the mattress. It was as if he was afraid to touch the cold, stone floor. He was afraid that the cold would spread through his body. Locks turned and Loki once again knew he was stuck here. He grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around his body. He felt it gave him some degree of comfort which was a silly idea, but it was true none the less.

A loud click could be heard that echoed through the little room and Loki instantly straightened his back. He had no idea what the sound meant, but he figured it out soon enough. The light above him died out, casting the room in nothing but darkness.

Complete, utter darkness.

Loki could not even see his own hand which was only a few inches before his eyes. There was only the color black and Loki felt completely abandoned. He knew he was alone and he was scared out of his mind. He wasn't even ashamed of it. Wouldn't every other man be scared right now?

Pulling the blanket higher up to his face, Loki moved to lie down. He hoped his eyes would soon adjust to the darkness, but even after what must have been thirty minutes, he still saw nothing. He saw _nothing_ and he heard only the humming of the ventilator.

How long was he supposed to remain in this situation? He knew he would slowly lose his mind under these circumstances. It was just a matter a time.

**Day 4**

Hours passed. Of course, Loki couldn't be certain since he had no clock with him, only darkness. He tried to tell the time of the day by listening to the rhythm of his body. He tried to sense when he grew tired, when the night had fallen or when he grew hungry to guess whether it was noon or evening, but he failed. His body was too disrupted. All that he experienced was exhaustion, thirst and hunger.

For a moment he thought Thor had abandoned him, that he'd left him to die, but then what would be the point of all this? He'd been taken to ask his parents for ransom so Thor couldn't leave him to rot in this little room. When he received the money, he would be forced to let him go. Right? Right.

Time passed – that he was sure of - and Loki felt himself grow more and more desperate. He tried to think of his family and he knew they were looking for him, but after a while, not even that could lift his spirits anymore. He couldn't bring himself to smile. He simply lay on the mattress, the blanket covering his trembling body. His thoughts drifted to the silliest of things; from stupid clips about cats he'd seen on the internet to remembering recipes to bake a cake. He remembered the last thing he'd seen on TV and the last book he'd read. He remembered his last dream and the last time he'd kissed his girlfriend. He remembered everything, but slowly, the edges of those memories became smudged. He remembered kissing Sigyn for the first time, but what dress had she been wearing?

The more he tried to remember the details, the more exhausted he felt. He let himself drift into a deep sleep, welcoming it with arms wide open. Sleep meant dreams and he'd do anything to escape the hell he'd been in if only for a little while. But his dream turned into a nightmare and suddenly, he found himself running down a long, empty street, screaming his lunges out, but no one listened. No one cared. Shadow-hands tried to grab his arms and legs, and they tried to pull him down as the sky darkened above him. Clouds turned from white to grey to black.

_Lightening_.

Loki jolted awake, quickly taking in a deep breath. His shirt stuck to his sweaty skin, his eyes stood wide and they hurt because only three seconds later did he realize the light in the room had come on again. He looked up, but he couldn't stare directly into the lamp. It was too bright.

Then everything turned dark again. _Black_.

Loki swallowed heavily. Nothing but darkness surrounded him once more – just like before and just like his nightmare - yet all his senses stood on high alert. He still felt extremely tired, but he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. He vaguely realized that the light must have come on with a purpose: to disturb his rest. Keeping him awake, keeping him hungry and thirsty would break him. Loki knew this, but what could he do to stop it?

What could he do to fight it?

When he sleeps, he would only dream nightmares, and when he's awake, he _lived_ nightmares.

Loki began to cry and sob like a small and lost child. Under different circumstances, he'd feel ashamed to behave so weakly because he was an adult man, but he couldn't care less at the moment. He just cried into his blanket and prayed that this madness would soon end. He feared he wouldn't survive for very long.

And for the first time in his life, he feared death.

**Day 5**

Thor regretted not having installed a camera in the little room. It had been two days since he saw Loki and even though he was so very worried about him, he knew this was an important part of the process. Many of his friends thought Thor wasn't very bright. He was a very friendly man, and he had a talent and passion for sports, but he never scored very high on his Biology or History tests during High School. His academic grades were never very good, which was the reason why he quit college and found himself a job in construction. Besides, he loved working with his hands more than working with his brain.

What surprised a great deal of people, however, was the fact that he loved to read. He read everything; from fiction to non-fiction to fantasy. From George R.R. Martin to Dan Brown to Mark Twaine. He read everything.

By the time he turned twenty-five four years ago, he'd read dozens of psychology books. He'd never known why the human mind interested him so much and he'd certainly never thought he would use any of that knowledge, but now he was very glad that he read it all. Kidnapping a man was one thing and the actual deed had been very easy, but making a man submissive and obedient was another. After all, Thor wanted Loki to be his and he wanted to be absolutely certain that one day, Loki wouldn't run away from him even when given the opportunity.

Thor loved Loki with all his heart, but he wasn't naïve. He didn't expect Loki to love him back. Not right away at least. That's why he'd concocted a plan. He would break Loki's connection to the world which was the easiest part, and then he would break him physically and mentally before rebuilding him piece by piece. He would show him he was the only one to be trusted and given time, Loki _would_ love him back.

The first part of the plan had been telling Loki he asked his parents for money. That part had succeeded. Of course he would not be so stupid to actually contact Laufey and Farbauti, Loki's father and mother. In a few days, he would simply tell Loki that they refused to pay because they couldn't care less about their eldest son. Logically, Loki would refuse to believe him, but given passing time, he would at least start to _doubt_ his family.

Doubt was all Thor needed to find his way into Loki's mind.

Part two was making him miserable. It was a part Thor hated. He wanted to rush into that little room and hug Loki. He wanted to love him and hold him, but he couldn't. Not yet. So he left him alone for two days, without food or water and every two hours, he turned on the light for five seconds as to make sure Loki couldn't sleep properly.

Tomorrow he would finally allow himself to visit his soul mate again. After all, the young man needed food and water to survive. Thor would bring him all that he needed and Loki would learn that he could trust Thor. He would learn that Thor would come for him when he least expected it.

Yes, Thor thought, he was greatly looking forward to tomorrow. Any time he could spend with his great love was time well spent. Loki would be his and his alone. Finally, he would have what he longed for – lusted for – all these years. _Finally_ , he would find his life perfect.

**Day 6**

By the time Loki heard the turning of the locks, he was too tired to move quickly. He felt like a sloth. Every muscle he flexed hurt and every movement he made appeared to happen in slow motion or as if he moved under water. But finally he managed to sit up with his back leaning against the wall, though he kept the blanket around his body. He had no idea how long he'd been kept as a prisoner, but in that time he'd come to find comfort in the stupid white blanket.

Again, he felt like a child.

A child in desperate need of a shower and fresh clothes.

The light jumped to life and Loki groaned. He buried his face in between his knees, shutting out the light, and held his breath. He didn't even know why he held his breath. Nothing he did or experienced lately made any sense.

Thor entered the room, holding bread and a bottle of water. When Loki noticed, he felt his mouth water instantly. Without saying a word, Thor handed him the supplies and Loki quickly emptied the bottle and devoured the bread. His stomach wasn't completely filled, but at least the biting hunger diminished.

"Thank you," he heard himself say. He had no idea why he thanked the man that had kidnapped him and put him in this miserable little cell in the first place. Perhaps he wanted to keep Thor friendly because he was entirely dependent on him. Still, there lay a burning question on the tip of his tongue and he needed to ask it now. "Have my parents paid yet?"

If they had, freedom would be close.

"No," Thor replied without much emotion in his voice. He sat down near the door, folding his legs underneath his body. He was an impressive and intimidating man, but when he sat like that, Loki couldn't help but think that this man was his age. He was young like he was, though he was probably two or three years older. "And they are not going to," Thor added.

Loki knew it probably had something to do with his exhaustion and disorientation, because he had no idea what he had just been told. He heard words and those words formed sentences, but they might as well be Chinese. "I don't… I don't understand," he said, stuttering, "my parents have money. They would pay for my release, I know they would."

"Apparently not," Thor sighed. Loki dared to think he saw compassion in Thor's eyes, but why would that man care? "They haven't really replied much to my ransom-note. I think it's safe to say they're relieved to be rid of you. They're probably very happy now that they only have one son left to take care of."

"No," Loki said angrily. He let go of the blanket which fell to his feet, "no, you are _lying_!" His voice echoed through the little cell, momentarily drowning out the noise of the ventilator.

Thor arched one eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "Why would I lie?" He asked innocently. "What do I have to gain from it? I wanted money and your parents refused to give it to me. I have read every newspaper and there is barely any mention of your kidnapping. I suppose there isn't really anyone missing you."

" _No_!" Loki shouted. He wasn't going to fall for Thor's lies so easily. His parents loved him. He was certain of it. His friends loved him. Sigyn loved… _Sigyn_! "No, you are lying, Thor. Pathetic lies. My parents wouldn't give up on me. My brother wouldn't just forget me. My girlfriend would definitely miss me. She would search heaven and hell for me!"

He didn't know what it was that set Thor off – though it had to be something he had said - but one moment Thor was sitting casually near the door and the next he loomed over Loki, his hands grabbing Loki's shoulders roughly and pulling him to his feet.

"You fool!" Thor screamed to Loki's face. His blue eyes betrayed nothing but rage.

Loki tensed, his throat turning dry even though he just drank water, and he felt sick to his stomach.

"No one loves you!" Thor continued with his madness. He continued to roughly shake Loki's body. "No one gives a damn about you! Accept it! You're all alone in this world and I am all you have left!" A second passed where Thor stared into Loki's frightened eyes before he let go of him. His hands balled into fists, indicating that his anger was still very much coursing through his body. His face had the color of a corpse.

Loki was too afraid and too shocked to move or speak.

"You're not getting out of here," Thor said, his voice barely louder than a whisper, "no one is willing to pay and you've seen too much. You've see my face and you know my name. You will stay here, with me."

"No, please," Loki said, followed by a pathetic sob, "I won't tell a soul about you. Just let me go and I'll pretend as if nothing has happened. _Please_!"

"I'm not stupid," Thor snapped, "you'll stay here. Deal with it."

With those words, Loki found himself alone again. When the locks turned, he felt as if it was final. He felt like that door would never open again and he would remain here, alone and forgotten. He would _die_ here and that frightened him beyond reason.

He broke down and began to sob for the umpteenth time. He couldn't help but miss his mother. He'd give anything to feel her arms around him, because Thor was lying; Farbauti would never leave him. Laufey and Helblindi would never leave him. Sigyn would never leave him. None of his friends would leave him. He pictured their faces in his mind and imagined them hugging him.

Yet he was all alone and that was reality.

He had to find a way to face it.

Just not today.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence, but not too severe or graphic.

**Day 25**

It was hateful to Loki that he enjoyed it when Thor came down to his little cell. He despised that man with all his heart, but when Thor came, he felt a little less lonely. Every time the blond man showed up, he felt a little safer because he would get fresh food and water – though he had figured out a few days ago that he could safely drink from the faucet across the room. But Thor meant company and even though their conversations were strained and awkward, Loki hated it when he was left all alone again.

The light still popped on and off irregularly and Loki knew it was a way of keeping him permanently exhausted, but he was starting to adjust. He finally managed to sleep for almost three hours straight without waking from nightmares or the light turning on without warning. He’d asked Thor for a clock and he’d actually gotten one, though he could only read the time when the light was on.

But it was something and he learned how to keep track of the days. Today marked day twenty five of his imprisonment, but it felt like months already. No matter how grateful he was to receive fresh food and water, no matter how much he liked Thor coming down to his cell – though that didn’t mean he didn’t hate him - he still felt he was slowly losing his mind.

He had absolutely nothing to keep himself busy with and there were hours where he found himself staring into darkness. After a while he began to see shadows and faces that weren’t really there and that scared him. He knew he was hallucinating, but that didn’t make it any less real.

When the locks of the massive metal door turned for the second time that day, Loki instantly sat up straighter. Last time he saw Thor was this morning which was about eight hours ago. He didn’t usually see the blonde man more than once a day so he felt his muscles tense. He just never knew what to expect.

Thor walked in with half a smile on his face. He held a metal bucket with steaming water, which indicated it was hot, and placed it on the floor before Loki. Then he walked outside again, disappearing for two seconds only to return with a towel, a sponge, soap, fresh underwear and clothes.

“I thought you might want to wash yourself with warm water for a change,” Thor said. He placed the clothes next to Loki’s mattress and handed him the sponge and the white bar of soap.

Loki gratefully accepted it. It had been weeks since he’d washed himself with warm water and soap and he knew he smelled like death. At least he had been given a brush to clean his teeth every morning, but he didn’t really care about any of that, though he knew he should because this was his personal hygiene.

His green eyes fell to the bucket and he found himself longing to feel warm water on his skin. He’d washed his hands, his face and armpits a few times at the sink with icy water and he longed for a nice, long, hot shower, but apparently this would have to do.

“Thank you,” he said. The mere sensation of the sponge in his hand felt surprisingly good.

“Well, go on then,” Thor urged.

Loki swallowed heavily as he realized that he wasn’t going to be given a moment of privacy. That frightened him. He knew Thor was crazy – Who else kidnaps a man only to keep him locked in a cell? – and the last thing he wanted was that same insane man seeing him naked. It was such a silly thought because he’d never considered himself prudish, but this was really a matter of principles. Loki just didn’t want to give up his last bit of privacy.

He stared at Thor as if he was defying him, but he really wasn’t. He was just too stunned to utter a single word, though he could see Thor’s irritation and anger rise to new levels. In his twenty five days of captivity, Thor had lost his temper only once – on the sixth day – and since then he’d been willing to do anything to keep Thor from bursting again. He just didn’t want to get hurt.

“Don’t give me that look,” Thor spat, crossing his arms before his chest while his eyes darkened. “I am not leaving you alone. You’re cunning and you’re smart and I won’t allow you to concoct a stupid plan to overthrow me.”

“It’s just a bucket,” Loki said quietly. As a boy, he’d always been mischievous. He pulled pranks like no other child in school, but he’d grown out of it during adolescence. He’d always had a creative mind, but what was he supposed to do with a _bucket_? He could hardly throw it at Thor’s head because he’d grown physically weak. He doubted he could even lift it while filled with water.

“I won’t repeat myself,” Thor said, regaining his collected composure. “If you aren’t busy washing yourself in five seconds, I’m just going to take all of this away.”

Loki felt torn. He really wanted to wash himself and put on those fresh clothes, but could he put aside his dignity? What did it matter in the end? He would just be quick which would shorten the length of time he’d feel mortified.

As he undressed himself, he tried to cover his private parts, but he didn’t even know why he bothered because he failed horribly. His eyes briefly connected with Thor’s and he felt a sudden panic overwhelm him. For a moment he thought his captor was getting off on this, but Thor only stood leisurely by the door, his arms still crossed before his chest and his eyes speaking of nothing but impatience.

It brought him some relief. He quickly dipped the sponge in the magnificently warm water, rubbed some soap on it and began to wash himself. In the end, it took him only a few minutes, but he still felt he had taken _too_ long. He put on the fresh underwear and clothes and instantly felt better. He felt strangely protected again.

“Was that so hard?” Thor asked almost amusedly. “Or embarrassing?”

Loki didn’t reply. He just didn’t want to honor Thor with an answer. He sat down on his mattress and forbid himself from thanking the man. A part of him was indeed grateful for the small kindness, but that did change the fact he was still a helpless prisoner. He pulled his knees up against his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He stared at Thor for a moment while pressing his lips together.

“You’re angry,” Thor noted, though he was clearly just guessing. There was no way he could understand what Loki was feeling by one gaze. He didn’t know his prisoner well enough yet.

But Loki was indeed angry – he’d been angry for days and who wouldn’t be in this kind of situation? But mostly, he felt humiliated. For the hundredth time he wanted to become invisible or disappear into the wall behind him.

“You should be grateful,” Thor said. He picked up the dirty clothes, tossed them outside and then threw the sponge and soap into the dirty water. “I give you everything you need. Water, food, clothes. I could have easily left you here to die.”

Loki continued to stare into Thor’s blue eyes, not saying a word.

“Fine,” Thor sighed. “Be stubborn.”

Thor left, the door falling shut behind him and not a moment later, the light went out. Loki’s hold on his knees tightened as he was momentarily spooked by the darkness. He still could not get used to it. He knew he would be stuck like this for a few hours, surrounded by shadows, because obviously he’d angered Thor and this was his punishment.

But Loki was slowly – very slowly – getting used to it all. His days were regaining some of their old routine. He would wake early in the morning when the light would jump on and off. Around eight, Thor would bring him breakfast – though it was usually nothing more than one piece of fruit – and Loki would find himself alone for the duration of the day, sometimes with light, sometimes without. Then late during the evening, Thor would return with dinner which was something more substantial. Three times he’d gotten a warm meal and Loki had devoured the food almost animalistically. When Thor would leave afterwards, the light would always go out and Loki would at least try to catch some sleep.

Now he realized he hadn’t actually received anything to eat this evening. His stomach growled angrily – almost accusingly – and even though he did his best to ignore the hunger, he just couldn’t. He contemplated on drinking some icy water from the faucet, but now he felt too exhausted to move away from the mattress.

In the end, it took him hours to fall asleep and just when a dream consumed his mind, the light popped on, disturbing his rest. Slowly, he began to feel defeated. He was willing to do anything for a decent meal, for a good night’s rest or for something to keep him busy. He would do _anything_ and that scared him more than he thought possible.

**Day 71**

Lying on his mattress, Loki thought about all the things his family might be doing right now. Thinking about them made him feel slightly better. He imagined them having lunch. Or perhaps his father was reading a book while his mother cooked dinner. He imagined his brother was at soccer practice now. He couldn’t know because he didn’t even know what time it was. It was definitely after eight in the morning, but after Thor brought him breakfast, he’d switched the light off again so he couldn’t read the clock.

Perhaps he’d been in the dark for two hours now. Perhaps it was more like six hours. When there was nothing but darkness, Loki lost all touch with the real world. That’s why he tried to picture his family. He thought about Sigyn, too, but his thoughts were quickly disrupted when the light jumped on – momentarily blinding him – and the locks began to turn.

There were days when he imagined it was someone else entering his cell. He would not see Thor walk in, but a police officer, or maybe a friend. He would imagine being released, but of course his fantasy was always scattered when he saw the giant man. Yet today, Thor looked different. He was smiling, genuinely, and he appeared relaxed. Loki had no idea what that meant.

“Get up,” Thor said with a surprisingly kind voice. But it was a direct order and Loki had learned to follow those. When he didn’t or even when he acted too slowly, Thor would burst into a fit of rage. He would scream and slam his fists against the steel door or the walls. Loki rather avoided those scenarios, because the last thing he wanted was for Thor to abandon the door and walls to punch him instead.

So he jumped to his feet. However, it didn’t mean that because he was afraid of Thor’s anger that he no longer dared to ask questions. “What’s going on?” He asked. He could feel something was… _off_. “What’s happening?”

“I’m taking you outside,” Thor smiled. He clearly didn’t mind Loki’s questions for a change. “Just for five minutes, though. You need sunlight and it’s a perfect day today.”

It was so utterly strange. Loki didn’t know whether to be happy, relieved, satisfied, scared, panicked or any other emotion humans could experience. He’d been locked in this cell for seventy one days – which wasn’t actually that long – but already he’d grown so dependent on these four walls surrounding him. He felt anxious to leave because he didn’t know what was out there. He didn’t know what would happen to him or what exactly Thor could do to him.

“It’s okay,” Thor assured him, apparently able to read Loki’s emotions. “Nothing will happen. Don’t you want to feel the warm sunlight on your face?”

Loki only nodded, then watched Thor spin around and head out of the cell. He was forced to follow. If he didn’t, Thor would just close the door and he would be stuck in this cell for who knows how long. _No_ , he thought, _he could enjoy a moment outside._

It was the first time he saw what lay beyond his cell. He walked through a narrow tunnel, his head bowed because otherwise he would hit the dirty ceiling. It was even worse for Thor because he had to arch his back to make it to the other end. They quickly reached a second steel door which Thor pushed open effortlessly. Loki stepped into a basement and witnessed Thor closing the steel door. He then pushed an old cupboard in place so that it concealed the entrance to the tunnel and cell.

It was in this moment Loki knew there was little chance anyone would discover his cell by accident and he felt saddened by that thought.

“Hurry up,” Thor said, a little annoyed that he lingered behind.

Loki followed his captor through the basement, up the stairs and through a hall. He didn’t dare to look around too much, but he did notice that the house was clean. There wasn’t any dust to be found. Neither were there any pictures or casual magazines or other stuff most people had laying around. This house was clean, _too clean_.

“Here we are,” Thor said as he opened the back door. A large garden stretched out before Loki. There were flowers to the left and vegetables to the right while there lay nothing but the woods ahead. The entire garden had been closed off by a fence, but there was a little, rusted gate that lead into the woods.

Loki’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected to walk straight into paradise. He hadn’t expected to be met with so much color and sound. He saw green from the grass, yellow and red from early flowers. There was brown from the still naked trees. Then there was the chirping of birds and the occasional dog barking in the distance.

As soon as he stepped onto the grass, he stopped. He wasn’t wearing any shoes – Thor had burned those as well to erase all evidence that he was with him - and he wanted to soak in the feeling. He’d never thought he would see and feel grass again. For the past seventy one days, he’d been waiting for something to happen and he’d been convinced Thor would have killed him one day, but it was moments like these he doubted those thoughts. Perhaps Thor really wasn’t planning on murdering him.

He took another step forward and only now did he feel the warmth of the sun on his face. He closed his eyes. There was still a cold breeze in the air which told Loki it was still late winter or early spring. He always enjoyed this time of the year because he always preferred the cold. He loved the snow and he especially loved the clear blue skies accompanied with it.

“Your five minutes are up,” Thor announced.

Loki’s eyes flew open. He refused to believe five minutes had passed already.

“That’s impossible,” he said. “We’re only just here.” He’d spoken his thoughts without realizing, but he quickly understood he should not say anything more. However, he didn’t want to return to his cell. Not yet anyway. He wanted to stay outside just a little while longer because he didn’t know when he’d feel the sun on his face again.

“We’re going inside again,” Thor said, anger ringing in his voice. “There are a lot of hikers in those woods and I can’t risk anyone seeing you. Come on, Loki.”

“But just-”

He should have stayed quiet. It felt like watching a bomb detonate and witnessing the explosion too closely. He felt he was blasted away by it.

Thor stormed forward, his eyes wide and almost completely black while every muscle in his body tensed. Loki stood frozen, unable to run away from the crazed man heading for him. If he had any logic left in his body and mind, he would have run for the gate at the end of the garden and tried to escape through the woods, but he’d forgotten all about logic. Besides, he knew he could never outrun Thor. He was too weak and he knew he couldn’t run even the shortest distance. This was exactly why Thor kept him hungry, thirsty and tired all the time.

When Thor grabbed him violently, Loki could feel nails digging into his upper arms. He wanted to scream for help, but only a whimper came from his lips. Thor shook him before dragging him back inside. Loki couldn’t follow properly and his knees gave out. When he fell, Thor let go of him, resulting in his elbow smacking against the hard floor. A cry came from his lips which made Thor even angrier.

“This is all a game to you!” The insane man screamed. “You’re playing me!” His foot kicked out twice, hitting Loki once in his chest and once in his face. “Next time you’ll listen to me! I said five minutes, but that wasn’t enough for you? You’re an ungrateful bastard!”

Loki wanted to shield himself from his captor, but Thor grabbed his arms and pulled him back onto his feet. He pushed Loki ahead, causing him to stumble. For a moment he thought he would fall again, but Thor took a hold of him by grabbing the back of his neck. Tears formed in Loki’s eyes, both from pain and fear.

“You will do as I say!” Thor shouted. His grip on Loki tightened, his nails painfully scratching across his skin. “You are mine, do you hear me? _Mine_!”

Loki – unable to do anything against such raw power – was forced to walk through the house. They quickly ended up at his cell again. Thor opened the heavy door and forcefully threw Loki inside as if he was nothing more than a ragged doll.

Without hesitating, Loki crawled towards his mattress – which he considered to be some kind of safe-haven – and covered his face with his hands. He could feel the warmth of his own blood covering the tips of his fingers. His heart beat ferociously within his chest as if it were trying to leap out, but all he could do was listen to Thor closing the door and turning the locks. A second later, the light went out.

It stayed out for three days.


	4. Chapter 4

**Day 93**

The bruise covering the left side of his face was completely gone now. Twenty two days ago, Thor had kicked him twice – once to the face and once to his chest as well – because he had asked for five minutes more of sunlight. Loki had never seen a man lose himself like Thor had that day. When he closed his eyes, he could still picture that frenzied look in his eyes.

The three following days, he had not seen his captor, and he’d never been so hungry before, but at least he could drink from the faucet. That is what had kept him alive, and when Thor had finally returned, he had acted as if nothing had happened _. Nothing at all_. It was such odd behavior and it scared Loki more than anything. At least he’d gotten a rather large warm meal that day – carrots, potatoes and meat – which he had devoured in less than five minutes.

Now it was day ninety three of his imprisonment and he felt like he was slowly losing his mind. Sitting in this cell with nothing but his own thoughts was driving him mad. It had come to the point where he looked forward to Thor’s visits. He would do anything for some company so he stayed obedient and submissive. And so his own behavior was starting to freak him out.

He didn’t want to turn into this new person and he certainly didn’t want to be stuck here for God knows how long. When he slept, he dreamed of escaping and when he woke, he felt like crying because he had again woken up to live a nightmare. He hated it.

It was only seven in the morning when Thor came down to his cell that day. Loki knew something special was bound to happen. The first time Thor had come at an odd hour, he’d been allowed to wash himself with warm water and the second time he’d been allowed to go outside for five minutes. Already he wondered what kind of mini-adventure lay in store for him this time. Everything was adventurous as long as it was unpredictable.

“Come on. Get up,” Thor said amiably. He was even smiling. “I’m taking you upstairs.”

Loki wanted to fire his questions at the man, but he knew better now. He had to be careful when he said something, because if Thor felt insulted or verbally attacked in even the slightest of ways, he would lash out and Loki would be in pain – physically and mentally.

He jumped up and followed Thor out of his personal hell. They walked through the narrow tunnel, entered the basement and quickly made their way up the stairs. Loki couldn’t help but feel excited. Thor was always in a better mood when they got out of the basement, so Loki decided now was the time for the first question.

“What are we going to do?”

For a moment he hoped he’d be allowed to go outside again, but he knew chances were nearly non-existent. Besides, the sun probably wasn’t up yet.

“It’s time for you to take a shower,” Thor replied with a grin plastered to his face. He knew he was doing Loki a kindness and it clearly made him feel powerful. In the end, he had absolute control over his prisoner. He decided whether he lived or died. Loki tried not to think about that too much.

“A shower?” He could barely believe it. Before he’d been kidnapped, he took a shower every day, but now he had _almost_ forgotten what it felt like to feel warm water run down his skin. He felt his heart accelerate within his chest. His excitement only grew.

Thor led him through the hall and up the stairs. When they entered the bathroom, Loki noticed that it was as clean as the rest of the house. The shower stood in the corner near the door. There were two sinks and a large bath near the window. The floor consisted out of bright white tiles and the walls were painted coral blue. The towels were all black and grey.

“Undress,” Thor said, though it was more an order. He walked towards the shower and let the water pour down. With his right hand underneath the jets of water, he felt the temperature and adjusted it a bit.

Loki didn’t hesitate. The first time Thor saw him naked must have been when he’d just kidnapped him because Loki had woken up with strange clothes on his body. The second time had been when he’d been allowed to wash himself with warm water for that first time. He still felt prudish, however, and he hated the idea of his captor seeing his naked body. He hated the idea of seeing it himself.

Having tossed his clothes aside, he saw the large, but fading bruise covering the left side of his chest where Thor had kicked him all those days ago. He was extremely skinny and unnaturally pale, and he looked deathly ill.

“The water is perfect,” Thor said. He stepped aside and motioned for Loki to get into the shower-cabinet.

When Loki felt the first drops of water hit his face, he closed his eyes. The temperature was indeed just perfect and he could almost feel all the filth wash away from him. Thor handed him lemon-scented soap for his body and hair – which strangely enough happened to be his brand of soap. As he washed himself, he couldn’t help but glance at Thor. He wanted to see the look in his eyes even when he was afraid to see something that would scare the hell out of him.

Thor stood near the window, his arms crossed before his chest while he leaned against the wall. His piercing blue eyes never left Loki’s body, and Loki felt uncomfortable. When he’d washed himself down in his cell, Thor had appeared uncaring. Unmoving. Now he had a sly smile playing around the corners of his lips. If Loki wasn’t mistaken, he recognized…desire.

Not being able to deal with that right now, he deliberately turned away from his captor. He knew Thor was still watching him – he was probably amused by Loki’s change in behavior – but at least now he didn’t have to see him anymore.

He showered for ten minutes until Thor handed him a soft towel which he quickly wrapped around his body. Thor arched one eyebrow, telling Loki his protective behavior was useless, but again Loki ignored him. He stepped out of the shower and quickly dried himself, despising the fact that he couldn’t cover himself during this process. When Thor handed him a set of fresh clothes, Loki gratefully accepted them. He wasn’t particularly grateful for the clothes, but he was relieved he wouldn’t be exposed anymore.

“Thanks,” he said with a small voice.

“Let’s get to the kitchen,” Thor said. He still appeared amused, but now that Loki stood closer to him, he saw more in those blue eyes. There lay desire and could that be shame? Was Thor ashamed of what he was doing to Loki? There was not the smallest chance in the universe that Loki would ever get that question answered. “I think we could both use breakfast,” Thor added.

He followed Thor downstairs while he slowly began to understand that he needed to escape sooner rather than later. He vowed to himself to take the first chance he got because he refused to be stuck here for more days, weeks or months. He knew time was running out, especially after seeing that look in Thor’s eyes.

When they arrive in the kitchen, Thor ordered him to sit at the table before pouring them both some coffee and taking fresh bread out of the cupboard.

“Do you want peanut-butter or jam?” Thor asked. “I thought I still had some Nutella around, but I can’t find it. I’ll buy some on Saturday. So what do you want?”

Loki was momentarily lost for an answer. It was such a simple question, but it appeared to make no sense. He knew what Thor was trying to do: he was trying to create a normal morning. A normal breakfast. Loki felt the need to sabotage that. He couldn’t let Thor live in this fantasy. He was a prisoner, not a _guest_.

“Hello?” Thor chuckled. “Earth to Loki!”

“You choose,” Loki replied evenly. He barely dared to maintain eye contact, but he forced himself to stare into Thor’s eyes nonetheless, carefully hiding away his anger. “I don’t want to create a false sense of freedom and choice for myself. That would be the cruelest thing of all.”

Thor turned instantly serious, and for a moment, Loki thought the man would burst with anger again, but Thor only sighed and turned back to the counter. “Fine,” he grunted. “Then I’ll make you a sandwich with jam.”

A moment later, they ate in silence for twenty minutes and even though a part of Loki was pleased to be having breakfast outside of his cell for once, he also knew that it was wrong. It was as if Thor was trying to create a false sense of family. A shower. Decent breakfast. Loki refused to enjoy it.

Eventually, Thor began to clear everything from the table, but Loki didn’t dare to stand. A part of him was sincerely surprised that Thor didn’t order him to help. So he sat there still like a statue, knowing that if he made any brusque movement, Thor might freak out and hit him.

“Let’s get you back to your cell,” Thor said when the table was clean.

Loki stood.

A cellphone rang.

Clearly, Thor felt annoyed as he rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath. He turned to Loki and lifted one finger. “ _Not. A. Word._ ” He warned before grabbing deep within his pocket. He took a hold of his phone and gazed at the small screen.

Loki swallowed heavily. In his fantasy, he saw himself grabbing that phone and answering it. He heard himself screaming for help, begging for someone to come and free him even though he had no idea who was at the other end of that line. But his fantasy burst like a bubble when Thor answered the call, his eyes never leaving Loki while he radiated nothing but danger and madness.

“This is Thor,” he said into the phone.

Loki heard another male voice speaking, but he didn’t understand what was being said. His heart began to beat wildly when Thor turned his back to him, his left hand leaning on the counter while his right one held the phone.

“Yeah,” he said into the small device. “I understand. When do you need to be there exactly?”

Loki didn’t know why he suddenly felt all this strange strength and courage, but he took a step closer to the kitchen-door. Thor still had his back turned to him and Loki waited a second. He knew he couldn’t wait too long, though, because that call might end any moment now, but for all his strength and courage, he still felt scared, too. He felt insecure.

What if he failed?

“I know where that construction site is,” Thor said. “But I thought we were no longer needed there.”

Another step.

Loki glanced at the open door and counted to three. He steadied himself, inhaled deeply and then silently stepped into the hallway. It was really his advantage that he wasn’t wearing any shoes, but he didn’t dare to run yet because his heavy footsteps might make too much noise. He took small steps and didn’t dare to look back. His eyes fell on the door leading to the garden – which he prayed was unlocked - but finally Loki dared to run.

He hurried down the hall and threw open the door – thank God, it wasn’t locked! - and no longer cared whether or not he made noise. He only wanted to get out of there. He wanted to get out of his house and away from Thor.

It was still very early in the morning and the sun was barely up, but Loki saw enough. He especially saw the fence at the end of the garden that led into the woods. If only he could get there! The woods would give him shelter. They would give him enough places to hide and wait for a random hiker to pass.

He ran while his legs felt like they were made out of jelly.

Behind him was a sudden burst of noise. He recognized a door slamming shut, followed by Thor’s roaring voice. Still, Loki didn’t look behind him. He ran like he’d never run before. Just a few more meters and he would be at that fence. _Just a few more meters…_ The noise behind him grew louder and closer.

The heavy weight of a body suddenly pressed him down. Loki fell forward, but at least he didn’t hurt himself due to the grass. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and every muscle in his body screamed with energy and power. That breakfast had certainly given him strength.

He refused to give up. He refused to surrender.

“No!” He screamed.  He prayed someone would hear him, but he knew Thor had no neighbors – not close by anyway – and it was still very early for people to be taking a walk through the woods. “ _NO_! Let me go!” He kicked out a leg and managed to hit Thor’s knee.

Thor momentarily lost his grip on him, but he was still the bigger and stronger man. He grabbed Loki as he tried to crawl away and knocked him into the ground a second time. “ _Shut up_!” Thor shouted. He punched Loki in the face once, but this time it wasn’t enough to numb him.

Loki reached out and dragged his fingernails alongside Thor’s face. Blood instantly welled up from the thin, but deep scratches. Thor roared, grabbing Loki’s hands and twisting them painfully. Loki cried out, partially because of the pain and partially because he still hoped someone would hear him. He would not give up. _He would not surrender_!

“ _You ungrateful bastard_!” Thor hissed.

Loki spat in his face. He didn’t care Thor was winning this battle and he certainly didn’t care about the possible consequences. In retaliation, Thor knocked him on the head a second time. All air left Loki’s lungs and he lost his vision due to the blow. His muscles grew weak and could barely distinguish up from down, right from left, but he fought to stay conscious as Thor picked him up and carried him back into the house.

He felt like crying and begging. He wanted to be released. He wanted to see his brother again. He wanted to be with his girlfriend again. He wanted to hear his father’s voice and feel his mother’s embrace. God, he missed his mother!

Thor brought him down to the basement and dragged him through the narrow tunnel, but still Loki couldn’t fight back. His vision was slowly returning to him, though there were still black spots floating around. He felt sick to his stomach and for a moment he thought he would throw up.

Furiously, Thor threw him onto the mattress in his cell.

“Look what you did!” Thor screamed. “ _Look at my face_!”

Loki laughed. _He laughed_!

“How…will you…explain that…to your boss?” He was really driving Thor over the edge – he knew this – but he couldn’t stop himself. If he’d stayed quiet, Thor might just have left him in the dark for three days, but now he had really worked himself in trouble.

Thor lurched towards him, his muscled fingers easily squeezing Loki’s throat shut. “One day, I’ll break you,” he hissed, his gaze frenzied. “One day you will be _mine_ , completely and irrevocably.”

Loki couldn’t breathe. He clawed at Thor’s hands, but it didn’t matter.

“You did this to yourself, Loki,” Thor continued icily. “I can give you everything, _anything_ you want, if you would stop fighting me.” He finally let go of Loki who dropped down and gazed at Thor for a long moment. “Don’t your ever dare to try and escape again,” he said. “Because you can rest assured that the consequences will be far greater should you try anything. Don’t force my hand, Loki, don’t make me go after your father Laufey or your mother Farbauti. They both work at the hospital and they take the same route home every day. It wouldn’t be too hard to get to them. Or how about your brother? He is young, is he not? It would be a shame if your parents lost him, too.”

Loki instantaneously grew alert when his family was mentioned, his green eyes widening and his lips slightly parting. He wanted to protest, but he couldn’t. The mere idea of his family in danger made him insane with fear. He didn’t want his mother to get hurt because of him and he didn’t want his father to be murdered. The mere idea of his little brother threatened by Thor made him feel sick. Would Thor truly be capable of such a thing? Of murder?

He stared into those deep blue eyes and he knew his answer. Thor was wild and unstable. He was unpredictable and he belonged in a mental institution. _Yes_ , he thought, _Thor was definitely capably of killing someone he cared about._

“I see that has got your attention.” Thor’s voice was barely above a whisper. He kneeled before Loki and slowly reached forward with his hand until his fingers touched Loki’s chin, pushing it up a little so their gazes could meet properly. “We can make this work. Just do as I tell you, and everything will be alright.”

Suddenly, Thor leaned forward and even though Loki had a fair idea of what was going to happen next, he found he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even breathe. A long moment passed before finally Thor’s lips met his for a kiss. Still Loki could do nothing. He wanted to push his captor away and tell him he was in dire need of a shrink, but he just sat there. _Frozen_.

When Thor pulled away, he was smiling triumphantly.

Loki wanted to vomit.

“I’ll bring you dinner when I get back from work,” Thor said lightly – like nothing special had happened. “I suppose I’ll have to get a cat to explain the scratches. No worries. I always wanted to have a cat.” He stood and walked out of the cell, locking the heavy steel door behind him.

Loki cried then. He didn’t even for how long. It might have been ten minutes or maybe an hour. It might have been all day. He just knew that he lay down on the mattress and curled into himself, wanting to disappear.

At least Thor had left the light on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Day 124**

Loki had been with him for over four months now and it surprised Thor how they had settled into their new lives. Of course Loki fought him as much as possible and the escape-attempt a few weeks ago had hurt him beyond words, but he believed that one day they would be perfect together. After all, they were soul mates and none could deny the bond they shared. Thor could feel it every time he was near Loki and one day, the raven haired man would completely accept his new life – his destiny – and they would truly be together.

The day Thor knew Loki wouldn’t run from him was the day their lives could really begin. It pained him to keep Loki in that dark cell, but it was the only way to ensure that he did not go anywhere. Thor couldn’t stand the idea of him leaving and he would do anything within his power to prevent it from ever happening. He remembered threatening Loki’s family and remembered seeing the pure terror in those emerald green eyes. He didn’t want to scare Loki, but sometimes he just had no other choice.

Thor smiled when he knew he was doing the right thing. He wanted Loki to be his, mind and body, and even though he felt ashamed at times, he still knew what he wanted – _who_ he wanted. He couldn’t deny the utter desire he felt when he’d allowed Loki to shower all those days ago. He would have taken that man then and there, but that would have destroyed everything he’d been building. He had to be careful. He needed to break Loki and he had done so to the best of his capability, but Loki had turned out surprisingly strong. He had never thought he would still attempt to escape when he’d been with him for a little less than four months.

He might have overreacted in that instance. He shouldn’t have dragged Loki back inside and he shouldn’t have hit him in the face. Then again, Loki did scratch him. There were still faint marks visible and because of those, Thor now owned a cat. He’d named it Aesir and even though he hadn’t expected it, he actually liked the golden animal.

But today was a day to make amends. Thor was eager to start the next phase of their relationship and it would begin with a token of trust and adoration. Today, he would show Loki that he could be sweet and kind.

With a broad smile on his face, he grabbed the book he bought yesterday and made his way down to the cell. It was a little before noon and he’d already seen Loki to bring him his breakfast, but he felt excited to see him again. Every time he laid eyes on that fragile figure, those emerald eyes and dark hair, he felt electricity course through his veins. Loki did something to him. He was like a drug and Thor was absolutely addicted.

As soon as he entered the cell, he saw Loki scrambling away from him. As usual, his thin fingers grabbed his blanket tightly. He was always extremely nervous when Thor came to visit him besides breakfast and dinner. This time, however, Thor would prove that he had nothing to fear.

“I brought you something,” he announced gleefully. He left the heavy door open, but only just a crack. It let in some extra fresh air. Proudly, he presented the book to Loki whose eyes fell heavily on the item. Distrust was visible in his green gaze and Thor wished he could make it go away. “Take it,” he encouraged the man he loved. “You’ll like it.”

Three seconds passed where nothing happened, but finally, Loki dropped his blanket and reached out to take the book. Thor’s smile only grew. This was his first real gift to Loki and he was already convinced it would be accepted. After all, in all the days Loki had been locked in this cell, he had nothing to keep himself busy with. Thor had made it deliberately so that Loki would lose his mind. Offering this gift was a way to show him that only he had the power to make his life pleasant again.

“Great Expectations,” Loki read. “By Charles Dickens.”

Thor closely observed Loki’s reaction and it surprised him that he found confusion in the man’s green eyes. “It’s your favorite book, isn’t it?” He asked, slight panic coursing through his veins. This moment had to be perfect after all.

“Yes…yes, it is,” Loki replied before swallowing heavily.

“I knew you’d love it,” Thor beamed. “It’s a special edition, with drawings and everything. It cost me quite a lot of money, but I don’t care. It’s my gift to you, Loki, and I do hope you’ll enjoy it.”

Loki placed the book down before him, his eyes never leaving the golden cover. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I’ll definitely enjoy it. I’ve been going crazy down here with nothing to do.”

“That’s what I thought,” Thor explained. He enjoyed the way they were speaking and he fought the urge to move closer towards Loki. He wanted to place his hand on top of his and feel his skin. He wanted to bury his noise in those raven strands of hair and smell him, but he refrained himself. He would only push Loki away. No, the time to give in to his desire was not now. “If you are good, then I will gladly buy you more books. I would buy you anything.”

A part of him expected Loki to smile and be grateful, but the man only eyed him skeptically. It mattered not.

“It’s getting warmer outside,” Thor said lightly. He wanted to stay with Loki for as long as he could and he enjoyed their conversation. “Spring time. I could take you outside again.” This time, Loki’s eyes widened and Thor felt animated that he caused Loki’s spirits to lift, but he had to make sure it was all kept under control. “Ten minutes this time.”

“I would like that,” Loki smiled. His green eyes shone brilliantly.

It caused something to stir deep within Thor. He lived to eventually make Loki happy and he would die for that man. Every fiber of his being loved him and seeing that radiant smile made him feel loved as well. He firmly believed Loki would someday love him back, completely and irrevocably.

“Perfect,” he said.

**Day 173**

Loki turned the final page of the book for the third time since he’d gotten it as a gift seven weeks ago. He had hated the feeling when he’d received it because he refused to feel thankful to a man that had kidnapped him and locked him in this cell. But after weeks of being in that cell, alone and aimless, he had been very grateful for the book. The fact that it was his favorite had only made him happier.

But now he had read it three times already and he was longing for something new to read. Sometimes he considered asking Thor for a new book, but he was deathly afraid that the favor would only be granted in return for something else. He could still vividly remember the kiss after he tried to escape and so he knew it was best to keep as far away as possible.

He barely dared to smile whenever Thor was around. He barely dared to make a movement in case Thor would somehow interpret it as something provoking. He didn’t want to get kissed again, nor did he want to get beaten or kicked.

Today was day one hundred seventy three of his imprisonment. He only knew because Thor had given him a calendar a few days ago and Loki still remembered the exact date he’d been taken so it hadn’t been hard to calculate the extent of his stay here. One hundred seventy three days. A little more than twenty four weeks. Almost six months.

It felt like an eternity.

At least now he could predict when the light came on or went out, because Thor had put a timer on it. Loki’s day began at seven in the morning and at times he tried to catch some sleep after seven, but the light was simply too bright. At nine in the evening, it went out and Loki would find himself surrounded by nothing but darkness.

Today Thor came down to his cell a little before noon. Loki hadn’t expected him, but he had learned not to be so surprised anymore. He would simply look up to meet Thor’s blue eyes and wait to hear why he was there. Most of the time, Thor came down to talk to him or to take him to the bathroom for a shower, but Loki had a dreadful sensation that he would experience something new altogether today.

He was right.

He followed his captor out of his cell and towards the kitchen and as soon as Loki entered the ground floor of the house, he was met with a heavenly smell. It was sweet and it made his mouth water instantly.

When they reached the hallway, Loki saw the cat for the first time. He remembered Thor had said he would buy a cat – as to have an explanation for the scratches on his face – but he hadn’t thought he would actually get one. It was a beautiful animal, however, and Loki briefly wondered what it was called, but then he forced himself not to care.

“I have such a wonderful surprise for you,” Thor announced. He pushed open the door to the kitchen and motioned for Loki to enter first. “I know it’s not easy for you, spending so much time down there in that little room, so that is why I wanted to do something special.”

Loki couldn’t help but think that Thor was absolutely mental that he wanted to do something _special_ because he’d been his _prisoner_ for so long! But what he saw made his stomach growl. The table was laid for two; two plates held delicious looking spaghetti and the glasses were filled with red wine. Loki wasn’t sure what to make of it at first, but his mind quickly caught up with him. If he wasn’t mistaken, this was Thor’s effort to make this lunch a date.

“Come, come,” Thor laughed. “Sit down. Let’s eat before it gets cold!”

Loki obeyed. He knew that if he didn’t, Thor would be infuriated and hurt him. Carefully, as not to make a wrong movement, he sat down at the table while he wished he didn’t love the food standing before him so much. He wished he didn’t long to taste it. Part of him still wanted to fight Thor in every possible way, but every time he even thought about rebellion, he was reminded of his family. He didn’t want to risk getting them hurt.

“Did you make this?” He asked. He truly hoped he hadn’t spoken out of place.

“No,” Thor said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “The Pope did. Of course I made this, you silly! I’m a rather good cook. I bet that surprises you.”

“Well,” Loki sighed. “You never cease to surprise me.”

Thor narrowed his eyes and Loki swallowed heavily. That last comment might have been too much. He should really learn to keep his mouth shut. Luckily for him, Thor suddenly broke into a smile. Following Thor’s example, he grabbed the fork and spoon and began to eat. Tasting the pasta and the meat the first time was like tasting something divine. It was sweet because of the tomatoes, but it ended in a strong punch because of the peppers. This was exactly the way he loved his spaghetti.

He couldn’t help but glance towards his captor.

“You love it, don’t you?” Thor asked, his eyes shining with hope and expectations. “I worked hard to get it just right.”

Loki’s mind was racing and he was overwhelmed with a dozen questions, but he kept them to himself. He would finish the meal first because if he spoke out of turn now, Thor might just drag him back to his cell and leave him without food for three days. Loki had learned to plan every single detail of his actions a long time ago.

Thor finished first while Loki took his time to enjoy the meal. After all, he couldn’t know when he would get spaghetti for lunch again. When he finally finished as well and he’d drunk the wine, Loki dared to voice the most prominent question on his mind.

“Did you stalk me?”

Loki fearfully watched as Thor’s shoulders grew tense, but he didn’t regret his decision to pose the question. Didn’t he have a right to answers? Explanations? For example, why had he been kidnapped? At first he’d believed Thor was after his parents’ money, but now he knew that wasn’t the case. Why was he being kept alive? Why did Thor have such a fascination with him? Loki wanted to know why Thor so often looked at him with both desire and shame in his eyes. Why had he kissed him? What did it all mean?

Loki’s train of thoughts was disrupted when Thor answered his question.

“I might have,” he said almost apologetically.

“That does explain a lot,” Loki heard himself say. He hadn’t really meant to say it out loud.

“It does?”

“Yes,” Loki admitted reluctantly. Now that he thought about it, he knew he should have realized sooner. “At first I thought it was all just a coincidence, but it isn’t. The fact that you bought my favorite brand and scent of soap was the first clue. Then you mentioned my family, which isn’t that odd since you’ve asked them for ransom, but you also mentioned my brother plays soccer. I found that weird. Why would you know that? What does that matter to you? Then a few weeks ago you gave my favorite book and now you have cooked my favorite meal.”

Only by enumerating those different things did Loki realize something new and the thought both infuriated and scared him. “Did you…” He wasn’t sure if he should ask Thor this, but what the hell? After so many weeks of being locked in that horrible little cell, he deserved the right to ask his questions. “Did you even ask my parents for money?”

Thor stayed silent this time.

“You _didn’t_!” Loki felt his heart sink deep within his chest. He had no idea what to think or do. He wanted to scream and shout, but he felt numb instead. “My parents don’t even know whether or not I am alive, do they?”

“I haven’t contacted them,” Thor confessed.

“Then _why_?” Loki knew the answer already, but he still wanted to hear it. Honestly, the stalking-part was a big clue.

“I love you, Loki,” Thor blurted out. “You have no idea how long I have loved you already!” He angrily jumped away from the table and beat his fists against the door. Loki felt intimidated and scared, but he ignored those feelings. Instead, he focused on his own anger and confusion. “When I first saw you,” Thor continued. “I felt as if you were gravity pulling me down. You gave me a sense of purpose in life.”

“You say you love me,” Loki argued fiercely. “And yet you kidnap me and lock me away!”

“It was the only way!” Thor roared. “ _This_ is the only way. Otherwise, you would never love me back!”

“You think I will love you back?” Loki felt sick to his stomach. “How can you even _think_ that? You are insane, Thor. You are _delusional_!”

Thor spun around and slammed his hands on the table surface this time. Loki’s glass fell down and shattered on impact. “Do not say that!” He screamed into Loki’s face. “Do not call me crazy! I know what I feel and I did what I felt was right!”

Honestly, Loki should stop if he valued his life. “You thought kidnapping me was right?” He scoffed. “That makes it official. You belong in a mental hospital!”

“What else could I have done?”

“You could have talked to me,” Loki said. He realized the situation was getting out of control and he knew that the chances of him getting hurt were growing with every passing second, but he felt he couldn’t control himself anymore. He let his frustrations and anger get the better of him and he didn’t care. He didn’t care he might get beaten. “You obviously knew where to find me every day, so why didn’t you just talk to me?”

“And then what?” Thor hissed. “If I had asked you out, would you have said yes?”

Loki hadn’t expected their fight to turn in this direction. He had to be careful with his answer, but he was convinced that if he lied, Thor would know. “Probably not,” he answered truthfully. “Since I’m not gay and all.”

“Neither am I,” Thor countered bitterly. “You’re just…special. I have never had any feelings towards men and God knows I have been with enough women.”

“Oh, please,” Loki said, rolling his eyes. “Do keep telling yourself that! I have seen the way you look at me when I am in the shower. You would have me right then and there. You lust after me, Thor, and that makes you a sick little psycho. You are pathetic, because you fell for a man and you were too afraid to admit anything about it!”

Pain struck across his face when Thor’s hand slapped sharply against his cheek. The force caused his head to snap aside and Loki gasped for air. He had known this would happen, but Thor’s hand had lashed out so quickly that he hadn’t even seen it move.

“I am not afraid to admit anything,” Thor growled. He grabbed Loki’s shoulders and forced him to lock their gazes. “I merely accepted the truth. I knew you would never give me a chance, but I also knew I had to have you. That is why I kidnapped you. You are mine and mine alone.”

Loki’s eyes stung with tears because of the pain. The skin of his cheek felt afire. “I will never be yours,” he said breathlessly. “And I think it’s time for you to accept that. I don’t love you and I will never love you.”

Thor threw him onto the floor, pinning him down not a moment later. Their faces were only inches away from each other and Loki despised the sensation of Thor’s breath on his face. He wanted to push him away, but he didn’t have the strength. He couldn’t move his arms and legs anyway, because Thor used the full weight of his body to press him down.

“You might never love me,” Thor whispered harshly, his blue eyes cold and deranged. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t make you mine.”

Loki wished that comment didn’t frighten him to his very core. He was speechless and he longed for the comfort of his cell.

Relief flooded him when Thor stood and roughly pulled him up. He grabbed Loki’s face however, his nails digging deep into his skin. Loki could feel droplets of blood trickling down his skin, but clearly Thor didn’t care. “I made you such a nice meal,” Thor hissed. “And you _ruined_ it.”

Loki remained silent. He couldn’t speak anyway, and if Thor squeezed his face any harder, he might just break his jaw.

“Next time I offer you such a kindness,” Thor continued. “You will be thankful, do you understand?”

Loki nodded to the best of his ability.

Thor released him.

“Let’s get you back to your room,” he grumbled. “And don’t expect any food for the next three days.”

Loki hadn’t expected anything else.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to do something crazy and just post another chapter even though I posted chapter 5 only yesterday :D

**Day 203**

Loki lay motionless on his mattress.

The light had gone out at nine o’clock, but he couldn’t fall asleep – it always took him at least three or four hours until he was consumed by dreams. He was merely grateful that he didn’t suffer from nightmares anymore. The last few weeks had been… _normal_ , with a lack of a better word. Thor brought him breakfast and a few times in the week, he would bring him coffee or tea in the afternoon which Loki hated to be admit, but he was very grateful for that. Then around seven or eight, he would get dinner.

The last time he had been allowed to go upstairs had been exactly thirty days ago, and he had really angered Thor back then and at times, Loki could still feel Thor’s cold eyes staring at him. He always refused to stare back when that happened and he kept his green eyes on his hands or on his mattress – anywhere but on Thor. He had done nothing wrong after all. _He_ was the victim here, not Thor!

But on this day – day two hundred and three - Thor came down to his cell after the light had gone out. He hadn’t even bothered turning it on, so Loki had been very surprised and terrified to hear the turning of the locks. Thor entered not a moment later, carrying a flashlight. For some reason, Loki was glad he was already wearing his sleeping clothing.

For a short moment he thought Thor had come down to hurt him, but then he noticed the excitement in those blue eyes and Loki felt his muscles tense. He had come to the conclusion that he hated surprises. They never lead to anything good.

“Get up,” Thor ordered, but his voice sounded light and carefree.

Following orders had become normal for Loki, but he never gave up asking questions. He didn’t even care those could cause him trouble. He just felt he had to oppose Thor in some way – in any way.

“Why?” He asked curiously. He hated that his voice betrayed his fear. “What is going on? Where are we going?”

“So curious,” Thor chuckled.

“You know I hate surprises,” Loki simply replied.

Thor nodded. “I _do_ know that,” he said proudly. “But everything will become clear soon enough. You won’t be sleeping in your cell tonight, which is all I will tell you for now. Don’t be afraid, Loki, you can trust me.”

Loki didn’t like this. He didn’t like this _at all_. He had never been an anxious person in his life. In fact, he had always been a confident young man. His little brother had always been jealous of him when it came to his strong attitude, though Loki had assured Helblindi that it was simply a matter of looking at life in a certain headstrong way. Loki did not shy away from certain things. It was how he had gotten such an important job so early in his career and how he’d gotten a wonderful and beautiful girlfriend like Sigyn.

But now all that confidence slipped through his fingers like grains of sand. It reminded him of a poem by Edgar Allen Poe which he had learned by heart while studying the English language at university. Even though his major had been company law, Loki had always been interested in literature and the poem happened to be one of his favorites.

_I stand amid the roar,_  
of a surf-tormented shore,           
and I hold within my hand            
Grains of the golden sand!           
How few! Yet how they creep      
through my fingers to the deep,                
while I weep- while I weep!          
O God! Can I not grasp                  
them with a tighter clasp?            
O God! Can I not save     
one from the pitiless wave?         
Is all that we see or seem              
but a dream within a dream?

Thor led him out of the basement, up the stairs, through the hallway and up the stairs again. Loki had been in this upper hallway before when he’d been allowed to take a shower, but the last time he’d been here was over fifty days ago. He had been forced to wash himself with the icy water from the faucet lately. But now that he was here again, he felt fearful. He knew Thor wouldn’t bring him to the bathroom which only left one other option.

“Here we are,” Thor announced. He pushed open the door to his bedroom.

Loki didn’t want to enter at first, but Thor gave him a gentle pull, appearing amused at Loki’s fearful insecurity. The room – as were all the rooms in the house – was spotless. A large bed stood near the wall while the window let in the quickly fading sunlight even though it was already after nine. It told Loki it was high summer which also explained the warm temperature. There was a walk-in closet, a bookshelf and two nightstands.

“I thought you might like to sleep in a normal bedroom for a change,” Thor smiled. Clearly he thought he was granting Loki a favor or something. He walked towards the bed and pulled the covers away. “It will be too warm to sleep with them anyway. It’s been a good second half of the summer. If you behave, I might allow you some time outside tomorrow.”

Loki remained frozen. He couldn’t help but think that this was the first time he stepped into an actual bedroom in over two hundred days. He just wished it was his own bedroom. He longed for the safety of his own apartment, but he was starting to doubt he would ever get home again. His gaze was drawn towards Thor as the man reached into the drawer of his nightstand and took a hold of cuffs.

Dread and panic joined Loki’s fear.

“Don’t worry,” Thor assured him, obviously reading the emotion in Loki’s clear green eyes. “I just can’t risk having you escape during the night, now can I?”

“Why don’t you just leave me in my cell?” Loki asked. He was relieved his voice sounded strong despite the overwhelming anxiety and despair clouding his mind. “It would be so much easier and safer.”

Thor rolled his eyes. “Because I like having you around,” he answered as if it was the simplest explanation in the world. “I thought you might be really tired of those four walls by now and I’m sure that mattress is giving you a back ache. You’ll love sleeping here.” His blue eyes darkened suddenly. “Just don’t try anything foolish.”

Loki honestly didn’t know what to reply to that. He didn’t even know what to think. He was indeed tired of the four white walls surrounding him down in the basement, but he knew he didn’t prefer this. In the end, his cell meant safety. Nothing would happen to him there. He didn’t even want to imagine what might be going through Thor’s head at this point. Did he have fantasies? Did he get off on this? Was this just about having power over his prisoner? Loki honestly didn’t know anymore.

“Come on,” Thor said. He stepped closer to Loki and put one cuff around his right wrist before putting the other cuff around his own left wrist. It effectively tied them together. “If you try to run or if you try anything at all, I _will_ feel it.”

The tall blond man walked back towards the bed and Loki had no choice but to follow him like an obedient dog on a leash. He felt his heart race beneath his ribs and he tried to calm down, but he failed. Without doubt, Thor could see the panic written all over his face and he wished he could hide it better. He made it a priority to keep his emotions better concealed.

As they lay in bed, Loki waited. He waited and waited for something to happen, but after what must have been thirty minutes, he suddenly heard the deepening of Thor’s breathing, indicating that he was already vast asleep. Loki wished he dared to sleep as well, but he couldn’t even bring himself to close his eyes.

He simply lay there, staring up at the perfectly white ceiling.

He didn’t sleep that night, but he knew he should get used to this. After all, this was the next phase to his _relationship_ with Thor. Loki hated it, but what could he do? So he lay there and thought of his family. He thought of his friends and his girlfriend. They gave him strength, because he knew they were still looking for him.

They had to be.

**Day 250**

He could only watch Thor, feeling almost mesmerized. Silence filled the bathroom and he wished he didn’t feel so nervous. When he thought about it, he found he was being utterly _ridiculous_. He was just allowed to take a bath, nothing more – or so he hoped. He had taken a hundred baths in his life before, but now was different, wasn’t it?

Loki swallowed heavily. Now was the first time he was allowed to bathe in two hundred and fifty days. A part of him was greatly looking forward to it. He wanted to submerge himself in the warm water, the smell of coconut already filled the air. He’d been allowed to pick out the scent and Thor had even gone to the store to buy his favorite brand.

“I think it’s perfect,” Thor announced. He stepped back and when he turned to look at Loki, he smiled broadly. It was times such as these that Loki knew Thor was living in some kind of fantasy. Right now, he wasn’t a prisoner. He was his boyfriend. Loki felt the need to burst that bubble, but he also really wanted to take a bath.

Without hesitating – because Thor had seen him naked enough times by now - he disrobed himself and quickly got into the bath. Thor had been right. The temperature was indeed perfect and Loki could feel his muscles relax instantaneously. He barely refrained himself from sighing happily, but he was still making sure he kept most of his thoughts and feelings to himself.

From the corner of his eye, he watched Thor take a step back and lean against the windowsill, keeping a close eye on Loki.

Loki closed his eyes then, taking in a deep breath and submerging himself completely. When he resurfaced two seconds later, his hair and face was wet as well. This time, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He had always loved taking baths and for a moment – if he closed his eyes – he could imagine himself lying in his own bath, safely in his own apartment.

Thor’s voice broke the illusion. “Here is your washcloth,” he said. “And don’t forget you only have fifteen minutes.”

Loki didn’t even consider asking for more time. It never led to anything positive anyway. So he accepted the washcloth and began to clean himself. A part of him wanted to do it slowly because he enjoyed the soft sensation on his skin, but he was also scared that he might give Thor new ideas. Washing himself quickly and swiftly was the best option and-

The doorbell rang.

Loki instantly turned to look at Thor who instantly grew tense. His blue eyes widened and his breathing quickened. Loki sat up straight in the bath, having no idea what would happen next. He couldn’t help but think that this might be the perfect opportunity to get help, but he also knew Thor would never be foolish enough to leave him alone or to take him downstairs at this point.

The doorbell rang a second time.

Thor opened a small cabinet and took hold of the cuffs he used to bind Loki to him when they had slept in the same bed a few weeks ago. Loki was eternally grateful that he’d only had to live through that once, but now he was starting to understand Thor would use those cuffs on more than one occasion and for more than one purpose.

He held his breath as Thor moved closer to him, grabbed his right wrist and tied him to the handle of the bath.

“I’ll be right back,” Thor said. His voice sounded dangerous. “Do not try anything. Do not scream. You know what I am capable of, Loki, and you know I won’t hesitate to go after your lovely family.”

Loki nodded. He had heard those threats before, but they still had a deep impact on him. He silently watched as Thor exited the bathroom, leaving him alone. Thinking of his family was what kept him going all these months and the desire to see them again only grew every time Thor threatened to kill or hurt them. Right now, he realized that this opportunity was the best one he’d had in a long time.

He decided not to scream or shout, but instead, he began to tug at the cuff. He pulled his right hand as hard as he could, but the metal cuffs didn’t break. He tried to squeeze his hands through the ring and even though it hurt, he didn’t give up. He bit down on his lower lip – refraining himself from making any sound – and focused all his strength on freeing himself from the cuffs.

A sharp pain shot through his hand suddenly, all the way up to his elbow. Loki hissed and instantly stopped his feeble escape-attempt. When he pushed the metal further up his arm, he noticed a deep cut running alongside his wrist. Blood dripped into the bathwater and Loki instantly panicked. Without doubt, Thor would notice and Loki had a fair idea of how badly he would lose his temper.

He desperately tried to erase all evidence of his escape-attempt – his horrible, pathetic escape-attempt – by stopping the bleeding. He applied pressure, but the blood kept dripping into the water and onto the edge of the bath. Loki cursed under his breath and frantically looked around for anything that might help him, but he quickly realized he couldn’t reach anything.

Footsteps sounded nearby.

It was only a matter of seconds before Thor would return.

Loki’s throat became dry, because he knew he’d screwed up. The door opened and he prepared for the worst, but Thor didn’t instantly notice his injury. Instead, he smiled and Loki hoped that perhaps Thor wouldn’t notice anything in the first place. It was impossible to believe in that hope, however, because there was no way anyone would fail to notice the blood.

“It was nothing,” Thor began, his voice betraying his relief. He shut the door behind him. “It was just the mailman with a package, but I-” His blue eyes fell on Loki’s red wrist and his round face paled. His gaze revealed shock and anger. When he spoke, his voice was a hard whisper. “What is _that_?”

“Nothing,” Loki lied easily, though he knew it was pointless. “It’s nothing. My time is up, right? I should get out of the bath and-”

“ _Shut_ _up_!” Thor exploded. Loki cringed at the sound. “What have you done? How did this happen?”

“Really, it’s nothing,” Loki tried again. His voice sounded weak and he knew his eyes betrayed fear and panic. Oh, how he regretted trying to pull himself free now. It had been a stupid and impulsive decision and he would live to regret it. “I am sorry, Thor, I really am. I shouldn’t have-”

“You tried to _escape_!” Thor roared as if he was insane.

_Well, he is insane_ , Loki thought grimly.

In two large steps, Thor stood at his side and his muscled hands grabbed Loki’s bare shoulders. Without hesitation or warning, he pushed Loki under the water. It happened so quickly and so suddenly that Loki failed to understand what was happening at first. He simply held his breath until he realized that if he wanted to breathe now, he couldn’t. He struggled when he realized the dire situation he was in, but he never stood a chance. He could still hear Thor yell obscenities, and he prayed he would get fresh air soon. He squeezed his eyes shut and counted to ten. Then he counted to ten again.

He was desperate for air now.

Thor pulled him out of the water. “You are always trying to leave me!” He screamed.

Loki only remembered to gasp for air as soon as he could, but Thor swiftly pushed him under again. His entire body was in a high state of alert and for the first time in a long time, he actually feared for his life. He began to struggle as hard as he could. He kicked out his legs and tried to break free from his captor’s grasp.

He grew desperate for air, his lungs screaming in agony. Even though he was submerged in water, his body felt on fire.

Thor still hadn’t let him up.

It was involuntary when Loki sucked in a deep breath, but he didn’t feel sweet air fill his lungs. There was only water. Loki couldn’t think straight anymore. He screamed and struggled. He cried. With his one free hand, he clasped at Thor’s arm, his nails digging deep into his golden skin.

He was drowning.

His limbs became too heavy to move.

_He was drowning_!

Thor let go of him and stepped back.

Instantly, Loki moved to the surface of the water and the moment he felt air hit his face, he coughed up the water that had entered his lungs. He felt sick and his heart was racing at a speed that couldn’t possibly be healthy. He gasped for air as he hung over the edge of the bath, water dripping onto the floor. Loki stared at it, needing to keep his mind occupied with something – _anything_ to keep him thinking that he could have died only a few seconds ago.

Minutes passed in complete silence.

Finally, Loki’s breathing became steady once again.

When Thor stepped forward, Loki instantly moved away from him, though his movements were restricted since his wrist was still cuffed to the bath. He didn’t look at his captor, not wanting Thor to see his panic and despair. He definitely didn’t want him to see his vulnerability, but Thor merely uncuffed him and handed him a towel.

“Get out of there,” he said strangely calm.

Loki sucked in another deep breath and then stopped breathing all together. It was so utterly ridiculous of him to do, but it was the only way to prevent himself from crying. He refused to cry now. He would _not_ cry in front of Thor.

Silently, he accepted the towel and stood up, quickly wrapping it around his body.

When he dared to look at Thor, he found that the man stood with his back towards him. The tension filling the air was nearly deadly. Loki dried himself and put on the clothes Thor had laid out for him a while ago. When he was done, he felt he should say something, but he couldn’t. He felt as if he had completely lost his voice.

He stood awkwardly before the bath, barefooted, and he realized he stood in his own blood. The cut on his wrist was still bleeding faintly. Not knowing what else to do, he grabbed the now wet towel and pressed it against the wound.

“Come here,” Thor said. He was no longer gazing outside.

Loki didn’t respond, nor did he obey.

“Let me take a look at your wrist,” Thor added before rummaging through another cabinet and taking hold of some bandages. When he saw Loki wasn’t about to move, he walked towards him. Slowly – as if he wanted to show that he meant no harm – he took Loki’s injured wrist into his hands and quickly examined the wound. “It’s not too deep.”

Loki bit down on his tongue. Tears stung his eyes, but he still refused to cry.

Thor placed the bandage on top of the cut and cleaned the last blood from his skin. “There, all better,” he smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes this time. He gazed at Loki for a moment who still refused to move or speak. “Come on, Loki, say something.”

When he blinked, tears rolled over his cheeks. Loki hated it. “I’m scared,” he admitted. There was no point in denying it anyway. He was sure his anxiety was spelled out across his pale face.

“Don’t be.”

“You nearly killed me.”

Thor placed a hand against Loki’s cheek, and Loki didn’t even dare to move away. When he felt Thor’s fingers caress his skin, he felt repulsed and nauseous, but there was nothing he could do about it. He had angered Thor enough for one day. He couldn’t afford to rebel anymore.

“I would never kill you, my darling,” Thor told him. “I love you, remember?”

Again, Loki said nothing.

“But I can understand that you’re exhausted,” Thor smiled. This time, it did reach his eyes.

Loki simply couldn’t understand how Thor could act as if nothing had happened. He was trapped in a bottomless pit with a psychopath as his guard. 

“Let’s get you back to your room.” Thor leaned forward and planted a light kiss on Loki’s lips. When Loki looked at him again, he noticed his smile had only grown. “Come on.”

And what else could Loki do, but follow?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for non-con!

**Day 302**

The book felt heavy in his hands and Loki couldn’t stop himself from staring at the cover. It was an old book and by the way the edges were torn, he could tell Thor had read it a dozen times already, but he didn’t care that this was Thor’s favorite novel. He was just pleased that he had something new to read, something new to keep his mind busy.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, hating himself for showing gratitude to the man that made his life one living hell.

He was sitting on his mattress – his legs folded Indian style – and gazed up to meet Thor’s gleeful blue eyes. The last few weeks had been, for the lack of a better word, _ordinary_ and Loki liked to keep it that way, so he thanked his captor when he was allowed upstairs or when he was allowed to take a shower and now he thanked him for the small gift. It was utterly bizarre, but then again, his life wasn’t exactly normal anymore.

“It’s not the easiest book to read,” Thor told him. “But it is one of my favorites and I thought you might like it.”

Loki stared at the title. _War and Peace_ by Leo Tolstoy. He knew the story revolved around noble families against the background of the wars against France, but that was it. He was actually looking forward to reading this. Months before his kidnapping, he had been thinking about buying this book, but he had eventually decided against it because he knew it was heavy and difficult literature. Again he was reminded that Thor wasn’t an idiot even though he enjoyed believing that.

“I’ll let you know what I think about it,” he said softly. Of course he already knew what he would tell Thor. It didn’t matter whether he liked it or not, he would still say that he loved it, because he didn’t want to criticize Thor’s favorite book after all. That would only lead to a violent episode. He hadn’t been hurt in weeks now and he liked to keep it that way.

He put the book aside and turned to face his captor. For the last few weeks, Thor had been coming down to this cell regularly which made Loki wonder if something was wrong. Nothing special ever happened during his visits: they just talked and sometimes sat in silence. There were times where Loki thought this was just a new phase to their ‘relationship’, but other times he could swear Thor appeared…troubled.

Then again, Thor was always troubled. He was crazy after all.

“Is something…” Loki really didn’t know whether he was crossing any lines at this point. “Is something wrong?”

A chuckle came from Thor’s lips, which wasn’t the kind of reaction Loki had expected. “You know me too well,” Thor replied. Loki couldn’t believe that _that_ was what Thor concluded at that moment. “I am fine, Loki, do not worry about me.”

He would – _could_ – never worry. He didn’t care one bit about Thor, but at least now they were having a conversation which was better than silence. He never wanted to give Thor too much time to think. That would only lead to horrific, unpleasant thoughts. No, it was best to keep him talking.

“The truth is,” Thor began, sounding almost hesitantly. Loki feared for what he would hear now. “I have a date tonight.”

Loki barely refrained himself from laughing, but he couldn’t stop his lips from curving upwards. He quickly looked down, not wanting Thor to see his amused expression. He had expected something abhorrent. He had thought Thor would confess he liked torturing kittens or something along those lines. But this… _this_ was too ridiculous! Then Loki began to wonder who in his right mind would want to date Thor until he realized that in life, Thor probably managed to put up the most perfect disguise. In life, he was probably polite and kind. He probably smiled all the time and helped old ladies cross the street.

Nobody would ever guess Thor had kidnapped a man and locked him away in his basement. But a man like Thor – and Loki hated to admit that he was handsome – needed to have a social life and he needed a girlfriend or boyfriend. Otherwise, people might start to ask questions which Loki knew Thor wanted to avoid at all costs.

 “You are awfully quiet,” Thor noted. “You are not offended, are you?”

Loki gazed up, a frown adorning his face. He had no idea where Thor had gotten that idea. “What?”

“Because I still love you,” Thor continued. “I tell you I love you all the time, but now here I am, telling you I have a date. I hope I haven’t hurt your feelings.”

There were no words to express how Loki was feeling right now. He certainly experienced disbelief. He simply couldn’t understand how Thor believed in his own bullshit! He wanted to scream at his captor in that moment. He wanted to tell him that he could never hurt his feelings because he had no feelings for him, not of _that_ kind anyway. There was only hatred and animosity. He despised Thor with all his heart!

There was a long silence.

“Oh, don’t worry about my feelings,” Loki said neutrally. He grew aware that he had become the topic of their conversation again so he tried to change it. “Who is the lucky person?” He didn’t even dare to say woman. It might be a man since Thor had such strong _feelings_ for him. He still believed Thor had yet to accept his sexuality.

“Her name is Sif,” Thor answered. “She is an old school-friend. I hadn’t seen her in years, but I bumped into her a few weeks ago and one thing led to another. I asked her out for a date because…”

“Because that’s what a normal man would do,” Loki concluded.

Thor arched one eyebrow. “A _normal_ man?” He echoed.

Loki bit down on his tongue, carefully weighing his words when he spoke again. “Is she pretty?” He asked, hoping Thor would just forget his thoughtless remark. “Tell me about her.”

“There is not much to say, really,” Thor replied. He shrugged and let out a heavy sigh. “I find her quite ordinary, but I suppose she is pretty. She has long black hair and blue eyes. She is a very independent woman and I know she isn’t really looking for a long-term-relationship.”

“The perfect opportunity then,” Loki said. He wanted to knock himself on the head. He really should think before speaking, but sometimes he just wanted to rub reality into Thor’s face. It couldn’t be healthy for him to live in this fantasy and Loki felt genuinely bad for Sif. She had no idea what she was getting herself involved with.

“It’s getting late,” Thor announced suddenly. He stood and looked down at his prisoner. “I need to get ready for the date. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.”

Loki only threw Thor a fake smile. “I can’t wait.”

“I’ve really had enough of your sarcasm, Loki,” Thor said darkly. “You are lucky that I am in a good mood.”

This time, Loki stayed quiet.

**Day 365**

Tonight – on a morbid sort of anniversary; one year of imprisonment – was the second night that Loki was forced to sleep in Thor’s bed. The first time had been one hundred and sixty two days ago, but Loki could still remember every detail. He had come to believe Thor would never let him sleep in his bed again since he never mentioned it afterwards, but today Loki’s dream was shattered.

He silently followed Thor into the bedroom and watched as he grabbed those very familiar cuffs. He knew what to expect. His right wrist would be tied to Thor’s left one and it crushed every hope he had to attempt an escape. He faintly wondered if Sif had slept in this bed already since Thor had been dating her for over two months now which wasn’t terribly long, but it was long enough. It surprised Loki that it was still lasting actually. He would think someone would quickly understand Thor wasn’t normal.

When Thor put the cuff on him, Loki was drawn away from his thoughts. He felt nervous and his lips felt unnaturally dry. He doubted Thor would do anything, but he couldn’t help but think about it anyway. He had been Thor’s prisoner for a year now and not once had Thor touched him in any sexual manner. There were the quick, shallow kisses and stolen glances filled with lust, but other than that, Thor had always kept his hands to himself.

Yet a small voice in the back of his head told him it was only a matter of time. Thor kept telling him he loved him so naturally he thought about sex, right? Wouldn’t that be logical? Then again, Thor wasn’t logical – nor was he predictable – and Loki could never tell what that man was thinking. If it ever _were_ to happen, Thor would probably think they were making love.

The thought made Loki feel nauseas.

As Thor lay down, Loki was forced to follow his example. Last time they slept without a blanket, but now autumn had arrived and it was getting colder every day. Loki was glad he could cover himself. He pulled the blanket all the way towards his chin while he wished he could just disappear. He hated this and he hated the fact that he could do nothing at all.

In his mind, he imagined pulling himself free from the cuff. He imagined running downstairs and onto the street. He could already hear himself scream for help in his head. He always wanted Thor to stop living in a fantasy world, but it was at times such as these that Loki believed in a fantasy as well. Did that mean he was losing his mind?

He decided he was only trying to survive mentally.

Minutes passed in silence and Loki anxiously waited for Thor to fall asleep. Only then would he feel more at ease. He knew he wouldn’t get any sleep tonight, but at least he would not have to be so afraid. Thor’s breathing never slowed down, however, so Loki closed his eyes and prayed. He never believed in God, but at times such as these, he felt the need to believe that he was not alone. He needed to put his faith into someone or something and he needed to believe that there was a point to this all.

He needed to believe there was a God who wouldn’t abandon him because everyone else had.

He felt Thor’s cold hand touch the side of his neck first.

His eyes instantly flew open, only to find his captor lying dangerously close. He swallowed heavily and leaned away as far as he could, because he refused to accept that this was happening, yet Thor merely continued to slide his fingers across his pale skin. Seconds passed and eventually, Thor retracted his hand.

Could that be it? For the shortest moment, Loki thought Thor would leave him alone now. He watched with fear in his eyes as Thor reached for the cuffs and freed himself before making sure Loki was firmly tied to the bed. Loki’s movements were restricted once again while Thor had all the freedom.

“No,” Loki said firmly when Thor pressed his body against his. “Don’t do this.”

Thor didn’t react to his protests. He pushed Loki’s long, raven hair out of his face and planted kisses alongside his cheek. One hand slipped underneath the covers and Loki tensed completely. He pulled at his right hand, desperately hoping he could break free, but the cuffs were too strong. With one hand, he tried to push Thor away, but his efforts were futile. Thor simply continued to kiss him while his hand pushed down their pajama-pants.

Again, Loki struggled. “No,” he said, his voice still bearing strength. “No, get away from me!”

Thor silenced him by kissing him forcibly on the lips and Loki felt disgusted when he heard Thor moan. This might not be the first time his captor was physically so close to him, but it was definitely the first time Loki felt driven into a corner. He couldn’t move, but he refused to stop fighting. He refused to be _broken_.

With his free hand, he clawed at Thor’s face and neck, but he barely managed to leave a scratch. Now he understood why Thor kept his nails so short. He clipped them every time he’d been allowed to take a shower which was every week now.

“Get off me!” He screamed. The moment he felt Thor’s hardness pressing against his thigh, he fell silent. He couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. His mind was racing, but none of his thoughts were coherent. He was completely powerless and that frightened him more than anything. “Please,” he begged now. “ _Please_ , don’t do this.”

“Loki,” Thor whispered into his ear. He kissed him gently before staring into his terrified green eyes. “My sweet prince. Don’t be afraid.”

“ _No_ ,” Loki protested with newfound strength. He hit Thor in the face, but as he moved to do so again, Thor grabbed his hand and pushed it against the mattress. “I’m your prisoner, Thor! Your slave! I’m _not_ your lover so don’t do this. If you really love me, you don’t want to hurt me, right?” Panic began to fill his voice, but at least Thor was staring at him with a hint of doubt. “Don’t hurt me, Thor, please.”

A moment passed where nothing happened and for the shortest second, Loki thought Thor would actually stop. His hopes were quickly crushed, however, when Thor leaned down and kissed the edge of his jaw almost tenderly. He began to move underneath the covers and Loki could feel Thor’s hardness rub against his bare stomach now. He felt sick, but he prayed he wouldn’t throw up.

“It’s okay,” Thor assured him with a soft voice. “It won’t hurt. Don’t fight me, my love, and it won’t hurt. I promise.”

“Stop,” Loki breathed, knowing exactly what would happen now. “Just stop!”

Thor didn’t listen of course. He was the stronger one and he had complete control over his prisoner. With one hand, he flipped Loki over, forcing him onto his stomach before quickly pinning him down again by using the weight of his body. There was no chance in hell anymore for Loki to fight since his right arm was twisted painfully because of the cuffs while Thor held down his left one.

“Thor,” Loki said, entirely panicked. He had to try and end this madness. He could not give up his protests. He had to keep on fighting! Above him, he could feel Thor prepare himself, putting on a condom and adding lubrication – where the hell had he gotten all that all of a sudden? “Thor, nothing has happened yet. You can still stop. Let’s forget this ever happened. Let’s just sleep, all right? Please, Thor, let’s not- _Argh_!”

He cried out in agony when Thor slowly entered him and he was shocked to find that Thor pressed a hand against his lips, muffling his pained cries. He probably didn’t want to hear those kinds of sounds because they shattered the illusion. Loki only cried out harder. His eyes stung with tears, but he refused to allow them freedom. He tried to focus on something else, but that was impossible. He could only think of the pain that burned throughout his body.

The tears began to stream down his face anyway.

“ _Shhh_ ,” Thor whispered, “it is all right.”

Loki closed his eyes and bit down on his tongue. He was trying to adjust to the unwanted intrusion, but as soon as Thor began to move, he was once again overwhelmed with pain. He could feel Thor all around him, his blonde hair brushing over his face. Even worse, he could _smell_ him. Loki wanted to claw at him. He wanted to pull that blonde hair out and scratch those blue eyes out. He wanted to do _anything_ that would pain his captor.

 _His rapist_.

Thor continued all the while keeping Loki down. When he finally came, he kissed Loki’s back in a loving and tender manner, and Loki could feel him smile against his skin, but what could he do about it? Exactly. _Nothing_. He was weak and pathetic, and he should _not_ be crying.

He let out a sigh of relief when Thor rolled off of him, but he was still in pain. He wanted to move, to lie on his side and curl into a little ball, but every muscle in his body screamed at him to lie still.

“You are perfect, my love,” Thor whispered. He uncuffed Loki – who didn’t even have energy to protest anymore – from the bed and put the cuff around his own wrist again. His hand trailed across Loki’s exposed skin, caressing him, and Loki quickly rolled away until he nearly fell out of the bed, ignoring the protests of his body.

“Don’t touch me,” he hissed. It felt good to have at least a portion of his freedom back. “Don’t _ever_ touch me again!” He knew his threat was empty because Thor could do with him whatever the hell he liked. Still, he felt the need to express his fury and disgust.

“Relax,” Thor replied calmly. He looked baffled that Loki reacted so hostile towards him. “If it hurt, then it was entirely your fault.”

Loki couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew Thor was a crazy, delusional man, but this exceeded all of his expectations. His heart raced within his chest and his hands formed two fists.

“My fault?” He echoed, disbelief in his voice.

“I told you not to resist,” Thor said accusingly. “I told you that if you didn’t fight me, it wouldn’t hurt, but you wouldn’t listen. Next time, you’ll listen.” Before Loki could respond, before he could say how utterly insane all this was, Thor spoke again, softly this time. “Now sleep, my darling. You must be exhausted. Sleep and everything will be better in the morning.”

Loki did not have a response to that. He wanted to scream his lungs out. He wanted to disappear from this world entirely. He wanted this madness to stop, but in the end he was simply glad Thor turned away from him and five minutes later, the deranged man had fallen asleep. Loki pictured hurting him now. He enjoyed the idea of getting hold of a knife somehow and stabbing his captor.

Instead, he began to cry silently. He tried to comprehend what had just happened, but he simply wanted to forget all about it. Even though he fought with everything he still had left, he felt himself falling asleep. He hoped that in the morning, he would finally wake from this nightmare, but he doubted he would be that lucky.


	8. Chapter 8

**Day 366**

He could only stare at the breakfast sitting before him. He had toast with jam, a large glass of fresh orange juice, a soft boiled egg, and a small cup of yogurt. Not even before his kidnapping had he ever had such a royal breakfast, but Loki couldn’t touch it without feeling his stomach twist painfully. He felt nauseous and sick.

His gaze slid towards Thor who was currently eating cereal, but he couldn’t stand to look at that man for too long, so he quickly dropped his gaze towards his breakfast again. He knew he should eat this because there was no telling when he’d get something like this ever again, and he should keep his strength up.

Slowly, he reached out for the toast, but in the end, he just ended up poking at it.

“Go on then,” Thor said happily. “Eat.”

Loki bit down on his lip, considering his best options. He could obey Thor and force the food down his throat or he could be stubborn and do whatever he liked. He decided to go for the latter choice because he was tired of listening to his captor and he was tired of being afraid. He knew he could get hurt, but it would be nothing compared to what he’d lived through last night. There was _nothing_ that could surpass that.

“No,” he answered boldly. He meticulously studied Thor’s reaction, but only found that Thor reacted surprised. When Thor remained silent, Loki’s stubbornness changed into defiance as he added, “I don’t want to eat anything.”

“I made you this perfectly healthy and balanced breakfast,” Thor said, his voice holding a sharp tone. “And you aren’t even going to eat it? You’re not even going to taste?”

“Exactly.”

 Loki didn’t know where this courage was coming from. He only knew he wanted to oppose Thor. He was tired of being the victim and it was time he fought back. He knew he would never be able to cause Thor any harm – he wasn’t psychically strong enough – but he still had his mind. He refused to be broken by that insane son of a bitch.

There was a moment of silence and Loki expected Thor to explode any second now, but instead, Thor cleared his throat and continued to eat. “Fine,” he said gruffly. “Do whatever you like, but don’t expect me to make such an effort again.”

Loki wasn’t done rebelling yet. Or perhaps he actually hoped to get some answers, some insights into Thor’s mind. “How can you just sit there?” He asked daringly. _Angrily._ This time, he wasn’t afraid to meet Thor’s increasingly annoyed gaze. “How can you pretend like nothing has happened? I am not your boyfriend, Thor, and we are not going to have a nice breakfast after you raped me last night.”

All of a sudden, Thor slammed his hand onto the surface of the table and Loki couldn’t help but flinch, yet he still refused to surrender. But before he could speak, Thor said, “Do _not_ say that! Now keep your mouth shut before I take you to your room again and-”

“You’re doing it again,” Loki interrupted him. He knew he was risking much. Perhaps too much. But he continued anyway. “You call it my room, but it is my _cell_ , Thor. I’m your prisoner. When will you get that through that thick skull of yours? You kidnapped me and you are forcing me to live with you. Stop living in a fantasy!”

This time, Thor slammed both his hands onto the table, causing Loki’s glass of juice to fall over, the orange liquid spreading across the entire surface of the table until it dripped onto the floor. Loki didn’t move, however. He sat frozen while Thor furiously jumped up, knocking over his chair in the process.

“Shut up,” Thor warned in a low, dangerous voice. His blue eyes has darkened as they stared at him. “Keep your mouth _shut_ right now.”

“ _You don’t tell me what to do_!” Loki screamed, knowing that it was a lie. Thor had power over him after all, but this might well be the first time he had yelled at his captor. He has no idea what would happen now, though he knew there was a good chance Thor would freak out, but he couldn’t care less. He only felt anger surround him and he decided to let it run free. He cared nothing for consequences. “ _You don’t own me_!”

Thor’s face paled with rage.

Loki was convinced Thor’s rage was nothing compared to his own. Loki stood and in one swift movement, he cleared the table of its contents. He shoved everything onto the floor and the sound of breaking glass and plates filled the air. It was the first time Thor looked shocked, seemingly unable to comprehend what on earth was happening.

Loki decided he quite liked that.

“You are ruining me!” He screamed. “You are destroying me and I hate it. How could you ever think I would want to be with you? You are _insane_!” He violently kicked his chair aside, watching the wooden leg break on impact. He wanted to destroy everything around him. He wanted to watch his surroundings crumble, just as he was crumbling himself. "Fuck you, Thor, _fuck you_!”

“Enough!” Thor shouted in return. He took two large steps forward and easily wrapped both his arms around Loki’s torso, pinning down his arms in order to prevent him from breaking anything else. “ _Enough_!”

“Let me _go_!” Loki shrieked. He kicked out his legs, but he couldn’t hit anything so he flung his arms out and he was pleased to feel his elbow violently hit Thor’s nose. Even though Thor let out a startled and pained cry, he still managed to lock Loki’s arms underneath his own a second time. Loki tried to pull his arms free once again, but he was unsuccessful. His breathing quickened and he felt panic overwhelm his mind at the realization that Thor was touching him again.

He needed to get away from him.

“Let go of me. Don’t touch me, you freak! Let. Me. _Go_!”

“Not until you’ve calmed down,” Thor said, surprisingly soft and composed.

Loki just screamed. He didn’t even form words anymore. He screamed until his throat felt sore and his lungs grew desperate for air. He didn’t know when or how it had happened, but he suddenly found himself kneeling on the ground with Thor’s arms still around him while his head hung forward as if entirely defeated.

He squeezed his eyes shut and forbid himself from crying.

“Are you calm?” Thor asked after a long silence.

Loki didn’t respond at first, but he knew he had no choice but to accept his defeat. Was he broken now? Had he lost all of his courage? He couldn’t even answer those questions. Instead, he only nodded, relief flooding him when Thor let go of him. He quickly scrambled away from his captor until his back hit a wall and he pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms them. Only now did he see the mess he had made, but the best part was seeing blood drip from Thor’s already swollen nose. He had hit him good and that lifted his spirits somewhat.

“Look at all this,” Thor sighed, only having eyes for the mess.

He momentarily expected Thor to freak out a second time, but he merely began to pick up broken pieces of glass. He barely had any attention for his prisoner and Loki wanted to keep it that way for a few more minutes so he sat there in complete and utter silence.

“I want to go to my cell,” he said softly when Thor was done picking up the broken pieces of glass. His voice might be soft, but it sounded steady and strong. He barely dared to look at Thor, however, and it wasn’t because he was afraid of him, but because every time he looked at that man, he was overrun with memories of last night. He couldn’t forget about the sickening sensation caused by Thor’s fingers caressing his skin or the agony he had felt when Thor had taken him.

“Fine,” Thor sighed. He forgot about the rest of the mess and waited for Loki to stand.

They made their way down the basement and through the narrow passage in silence. For the first time, Loki was glad to be back in his cell. He was glad to be between those four white walls. Perhaps this place was the only place in the house where he was safe. Thor had never hurt him down here, not severely anyway. No, all the horrifying nightmares happened upstairs.

“Don’t expect any food for the next couple of days,” Thor said viciously. The change in his composure always happened so swiftly and Loki always felt taken aback by it. “Or any light for that matter,” he added.

Loki gazed straight into those cold, blue eyes. He tried not to feel any fear, but that was impossible. Instead, he decided to focus on other emotions. “I hate you,” he said lowly. “God, you have no idea how much I hate you.”

Three seconds passed before Thor started to smile. Again, it was such an unexpected reaction that Loki only grew more convinced that his captor was a lunatic. He was a complete and utter madman.  “Then I’ll just make you fall in love with me,” Thor replied, grinning. “I’ll have to prove myself to you. I won’t give up, Loki. I will never give up. You and me, we are meant to be together and one day you’ll understand that. You’ll understand there is no point in fighting.”

Before Loki could respond, the heavy metal door closed behind Thor and a second later, the light went out. Easily finding his way to his mattress, Loki lay down and pulled the blanket over his head. For a moment, he could live in the fantasy. He imagined that he was home and that he would wake next to Sigyn. He imagined still living with his parents and being woken by the gentle voice of his mother. Or perhaps his brother would carelessly barge into his room, bugging him about some school assignment he needed help with.

But his fantasy world quickly shattered, and Loki cried. He didn’t even care about the tears streaming down his face. There was no one around to see them anyway. There was no one around to hear his sobs. There was definitely no one around to comfort him and for the first time, he wished his misery would just end.

He wished he would fall asleep and never wake up.

**Day 410**

The day was extremely cold and Thor was glad he had dressed warmly. Snow lay on the side of the road and covered the roofs of the houses and apartments, but at least there was no more snow expected. Thor didn’t like the cold. He much preferred the summer, though he knew Loki wouldn’t agree with him. Loki had always been a winter-person which boggled Thor’s mind. How anyone could enjoy cold, wet weather was beyond him.

Quickly making his way through Main Street – a small street which held perhaps five stores and one post office – he wondered if he had bought everything for the next week. He carried two large bags with food and other supplies and he wasn’t in the mood to return to the store soon, especially not with this weather. He wanted to stay inside and spend time with Loki.

For the past few weeks, everything had been calm. It had been forty four days now since Loki had that outburst. Thor hated to admit that the man had lost some of his…energy, but he was hell-bent on restoring Loki to his former dynamic self. He would help him accept his new life. He would fix him.

He made a right turn as he headed for the parking lot, but his gaze fell on an old building. The town hall was perhaps two centuries old and it radiated history, but that wasn’t why Thor suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. At the bottom of the stairs that led towards giant, oak doors stood Odin Borson, his father. It wasn’t that either which surprised Thor since Odin worked there after all, but it was the company his father was currently in that startled him.

Carefully, he walked closer, needing to confirm his suspicions. Was it really them? Why were they standing there? What were they saying to his father? Yet, Thor didn’t dare to move too closely, because he didn’t want to draw any attention to himself. Instead he used the opportunity to observe the couple standing before Odin.

The balding man was tall and appeared strong even though he wore a thick coat. He had a long face and a broad nose. He had dimples in his cheeks when he spoke or smiled slightly, but his blue eyes never revealed many emotions. The woman held the man’s hand tightly. She almost clung to him, but that could also be because of this dreadful, icy weather. She had long black hair flowing across her back, pale skin and radiant green eyes. She was a beautiful woman and Thor suddenly knew where Loki got his looks from.

Laufey and Farbauti were the last people in this world Thor wanted to meet, yet he felt strangely mesmerized by them. He had read articles about them in the newspaper when they had just lost Loki and they had been on TV a dozen times. Thor knew they had a second son named Helblindi – God knows he threatened that boy enough to keep Loki under control – but Helblindi had been kept away from the media.

Odin spoke again before shaking the hands of Loki’s parents, and Thor watched them thank Odin before walking away. When he found that they were far enough, he hurried to meet his father and in that moment, he forgot all about the cold. In fact, he felt warm because of the tension he was experiencing.

“Father?” Thor asked when he reached the steps of the town hall. Odin – who had just been about to enter the building – spun around. He looked surprised to find his only son suddenly standing before him, but he quickly broke into a warm smile.

Thor hadn’t expected that. He and Odin had never had the best relationship. At most, they tolerated each other. Thor had never been an easy child and during his adolescence, he had often screamed at his father, yelling obscenities and blaming him for all that went wrong. But during the last few years – since he had moved out and found a job – their relationship had slowly improved. It was something, he supposed.

“Ah, Thor,” Odin greeted him happily. “What a lovely surprise to see you here.”

“I was in the neighborhood,” Thor replied. “I did some shopping.”

There really was only one question on his mind, but he knew he couldn’t just fire it at his father. That would be too suspicious. On the other hand, Odin might think nothing of it. Laufey and Farbauti were well known faces in town because of what happened over a year ago. It was only natural that people were interested in them and Thor was no exception to that.

“I saw you talk to those people,” he began slyly, making sure he sounded innocent and light. “They’re the parents of that missing man, aren’t they?”

He was pleased with himself on how he had addressed the topic. He couldn’t pretend to know too much after all. No, it was better if he kept himself dumb. He only hoped Odin would give him the answers he wanted.

“Yes,” Odin sighed. “Their case is a rather sad one, isn’t it? But I admire them greatly.”

That was an answer Thor had not expected. He frowned, but quickly regained his composure. “You admire them? Why?”

“They lost their son, Thor,” Odin explained, a hint of annoyance in his voice. “Loki has been missing for over a year now, but they haven’t given up hope yet. _That_ is why I admire them. Then again, I would probably be the same.” Odin looked thoughtful for a moment. “If someone would take you away from me, I would never give up hope of finding you again either. Loki is their son and they love him. They believe they can still find him.”

“But surely…” Thor reminded himself to be careful even though he hated everything he was hearing. He refused to have anyone come in between him and Loki. “Surely that man is dead. Like you said, it has been a year. What chances does he still have?”

Odin nodded solemnly. “Not many,” he admitted glumly. “But on the other hand, there has never been proof of his death either. He just vanished one evening which makes it such a strange case. I told Laufey and Farbauti they have my support, though, and the police haven’t given up either, despite the lack of evidence and leads.”

“What were you talking about?” Thor asked, knowing he sounded too eager. “It looked interesting.”

“They are going to establish an organization.”

Thor wasn’t sure what he was hearing. “An organization?”

Odin smiled. “Yes, it is very courageous,” he replied. “They mean to help people who have lost someone as well. They mean to help parents of kidnapped children or family and friends of runaways. They mean to help anyone they can, but they need funds of course. That’s why they came to me.”

“Their cause is very honorable,” Thor said diplomatically.

“Indeed it is.” Odin threw a glance at his watch. “I have a meeting in ten minutes so you’ll have to excuse me. You are still coming to dinner on Friday evening, aren’t you? Your mother has been looking forward to it.”

Thor nodded. “Of course.”

“And bring Sif,” Odin said. “You know your mother adores her.”

After saying a quick goodbye, Thor watched his father disappear into the town hall while his thoughts were racing. He found it truly honorable that Laufey and Farbauti wanted to help society in this manner, but that wasn’t what concerned him. After months of being missing, Thor had expected that everyone would have given up on Loki by now. Surely they didn’t still think he was alive?

As he made his way to his car, his grip tightening on his grocery bags, Thor’s mind was trying to find a solution to this problem. He knew he had to do something because he had to protect the man he loved. In a certain way, he had to help Loki’s family as well. Wouldn’t it be better if they thought Loki was dead? Wouldn’t that be less cruel than having them believe he could still return to them? Thor would certainly feel safer if society proclaimed Loki as deceased.

Slowly, a plan was forming in his head, but he knew he’d have to be careful.

But it was the only way.

~ 0 ~

Having read the book by Tolstoy, Loki found he was bored again. He had read his favorite book – Great Expectations – half a dozen times already and now he had finished _War and Peace_ twice as well. A part of him wanted to ask Thor for a new book, but he didn’t want to ask any favors of his captor. The days were calm and mostly peaceful and Loki wanted to keep it that way. He was grateful he was allowed to shower three times a week and sometimes he was forced to sleep in Thor’s bed again, but nothing had happened since that night a few weeks ago.

Loki mostly kept quiet and said nothing but the necessary things to his captor. He answered questions and he listened to Thor when he spoke of his day or of Sif, but Loki never commented. He knew Thor found that irritating, but he truly didn’t care. It was time Thor understood Loki was his prisoner – not his lover – but a voice in the back of his head told him that Thor would never break free from that fantasy.

It was such a depressing thought.

It was late in the evening when the locks began to turn and the door to his cell opened. Loki had already had dinner so he knew something _special_ was about to happen. It wasn’t often that Thor came down to his cell at this hour since he mostly visited during the afternoon and only stopped by very quickly to give him dinner. Thor had a winter-break at work and now that he had a so-called girlfriend, he was forced to actually spend time with her. How else was he going to keep Sif happy? He had to uphold a certain image after all. He often slept at her place and Loki of course didn’t mind.

He had expected tonight would be a quiet night and he’d looked forward to that. Right now, he enjoyed the idea of being alone because that was when he felt safest. But tonight was apparently an exception. When Thor entered, he looked tall and imposing, and Loki felt himself shrink away involuntarily. He hated it when he showed signs of fear, but tonight he didn’t care. He didn’t care about much lately. But obviously something heavy lay on Thor’s mind and it couldn’t be anything positive. For a moment Loki wanted to ask what was going on, but he decided it was best if he kept quiet.

Thor held a bag which was seemingly empty and that worried Loki even more.

“Undress,” Thor ordered, his voice or face not betraying many emotions. But he looked strained and uneasy which made Loki reluctant to oblige.

He stood swiftly and backed away from his captor until his back pressed against the wall. He felt trapped and his heart began to race within his chest as he eyed Thor evenly. He balled his hands into fists. “Why?” He asked bravely, though he didn’t expect Thor to give him an answer. Perhaps he was just stalling time, but what for? He knew he couldn’t fight his captor, not in here. If Thor had an idea, he would execute it.

“Must I repeat myself?” Thor asked, sounding frustrated. Clearly, he was irritated with Loki’s reluctant behavior, his usually light blue eyes becoming darker and his grasp on the empty bag tightening. “Undress, Loki, _now_.”

Loki considered his options. He could refuse and stand his ground, but that would inevitably lead to Thor losing his temper. Thor would shout and beat him most likely. If he had to, he would rip Loki’s clothes right off of his body which was a conclusion Loki wanted to avoid. Option number two was that he complied and stripped which might satisfy Thor, but what was the point? What did Thor have in mind?

Hesitantly, Loki removed his shirt. He hated to see his own naked skin, but at least there were no bruises visible. It had been weeks since he last got beaten. He dropped the shirt onto the mattress and continued to remove his trousers. Before he took off his underwear, he hesitated and glanced at Thor. For a moment, he expected the man to look at him with desire which so often happened, but Thor’s eyes simply revealed irritation. Obviously, he was taking too long.

“Everything, Loki,” Thor clarified when he noticed the hesitation. “Hurry up.”

Loki bit down on his tongue – forbidding himself from speaking because he didn’t grant Thor that pleasure – and removed his underwear as well. He stood naked in his cell, a place he’d thought to be safe. That fantasy now shattered into a thousand pieces and Loki finally realized he wasn’t safe anywhere. He belonged to Thor, physically at least, and that thought scared the hell out of him. He swore he would never mentally break. He swore that even when he lost a few battles with this insane man, he would never give up the war.

“Put the clothes in this bag,” Thor ordered, handing the empty bag over to Loki.

It was so utterly strange to see Thor act like this. Loki couldn’t wrap his head around it. It appeared Thor didn’t want to touch him right now. Was he afraid to touch him? Loki had no clue what was happening, but he decided he was simply relieved that Thor didn’t express any physical interest in him.

He quickly put the clothes in the bag and handed it back to Thor who made sure he only touched the plastic bag – not the contents. Strange.

“Put your sleeping clothes on,” Thor muttered as he put the bag at his feet and turned his attention back to his prisoner.

Loki obeyed to that order with pleasure. Feeling soft fabric on his skin again – covering him – made at least a portion of tension slip from his shoulders. Still, he was very concerned with the events that were transpiring.

When he gazed back at Thor, he felt his heart skip a beat. In Thor’s hand lay a knife, its blade glistening under the poor, orange light. Loki’s mouth turned dry and a nauseous feeling returned. Was this it? Would he die now? It was impossible, he thought, because Thor always claimed to love him. Would he kill the man he thought to be his soul mate? That would make no sense.

Then again, Thor was insane and his thought-process probably made no sense either.

Loki faintly realized he might be hyperventilating.

“It’s okay, Loki,” Thor said. This time, his voice sounded soothing. It did not comfort Loki even the slightest. “It will only hurt for a moment.”

“Are you going to kill me?” Loki asked. His voice sounded so very small. He wished he could be braver, but he didn’t think anyone would blame him for his fearfulness. He had been kidnapped by a madman who claimed to be in love with him and now he was standing there with a very sharp-looking knife in his hand.

“Of course not,” Thor answered. He chuckled, appearing amused by Loki’s question. “Why would I want to kill you? I love you, Loki, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Yeah, but…” Loki said, forcing himself to relax. “You’re kinda sending mixed signals here.”

“You know it has been over a year now since I have brought you home,” Thor said thoughtfully. “But the world hasn’t forgotten you yet. The police are still looking for you. They still hope to find you one day.”

Loki smiled faintly when he heard those words. He instantly thought of his family as well. “My parents haven’t given up on me either, have they? They are still looking for me and they will always look for me.”

“Exactly,” Thor sighed.

Slowly, every piece of the puzzle was falling into place. His smile instantly vanished. “So you’ll rip that hope away from them,” he said, feeling crushed. “You are so very cruel, Thor.”

Thor raised one eyebrow. “On the contrary,” he argued. “I am doing you and your family a favor, a kindness. As long as they hope to see you again, they will not be able to continue with their lives. If they think you are dead, they can mourn you and then move on.”

Loki stubbornly shook his head. “I don’t believe that,” he said rebelliously. “They’ll never believe I am dead.”

There was a short pause.

“Give me your hand,” Thor ordered, having returned to his former mood. He looked furious and annoyed with his prisoner. “I will not say it twice, Loki.”

And what could he do? Fight him? Try and steal that knife from him? It would never work. Thor was a tall, strong man who could easily keep him down. In the end, Loki had grown psychically weak. There was a purpose to everything Thor did. Keeping him without sunlight, only feeding him twice a day and sometimes – when he was really pissed off by Loki’s behavior – he didn’t get any food at all. It kept him weak and unable to fight.

Defeated and disheartened, Loki extended his hand. With a small heart, he watched Thor take a step closer to him. He took Loki’s hand into his own and placed the sharp edge of the knife against his skin. Loki couldn’t help but shudder. He was starting to breathe hard.

“Don’t look,” Thor said softly.

It was an order Loki followed without hesitation, without question. He looked over his shoulder and sucked in a deep breath to steady himself. He could feel his pulsation throughout his body and his knees turned weak. For a moment he wondered whether or not he would faint, but he quickly got his answer.

Thor cut him in one swift movement and pain instantly radiated from the palm of his hand towards the rest of his arm. It felt as if his skin was on fire and Loki couldn’t help but cry out. He squeezed his eyes shut when he felt tears sting them.

“It’s okay,” Thor comforted him. “It’s over.”

“ _Fuck_!” Loki cursed, the pain still very sensible. He turned to look at his injured hand and saw blood flow easily from the wound. He watched Thor take the plastic bag with his clothes and hold it open for him. He had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to do.

“Grab the clothes,” Thor said. Clearly he was out of his element as well. Loki didn't know whether it was because he had just cut a man or because he couldn't stand blood. It didn’t matter. “Grab the clothes in this bag, Loki, _quickly_!”

Loki did exactly that. He clung onto the shirt he had been wearing only minutes ago. Blood stained the previously clean yellow fabric which was very strange to see. It was odd to think that that was _his_ blood. He grabbed different parts of the shirt and even got blood on the trousers. It was shocking to see how badly the cut was bleeding and for a moment Loki wondered whether he would pass out when he began to feel light-headed.

“That’s enough,” Thor said. He quickly closed the bag and placed it near the door. He put the knife there as well so that it was well out of Loki’s reach. “Sit down. You look very pale.”

Loki relaxed the moment he sat back on the mattress, his legs pulled up against his chest. Yet, his hand was still bleeding and the pain was still very present. When he glanced at Thor – expecting him to leave his cell with the ‘evidence’ of his murder – he was surprised that he had a small, but clean cloth and bandages in his hand.

“Let me take care of the cut,” Thor said affectionately. When Loki allowed Thor to staunch the bleeding with the cloth before putting the bandage around it, he noticed that Thor looked pleased. He had a faint smile playing on his lips and his eyes shone brightly.

“It won’t be enough,” Loki said quietly. “My family won’t give up on me.”

Thor met his green gaze skeptically. “They’ll have to accept the evidence,” he said. It surprised Loki that he hadn’t angered Thor with his comment. “They might not accept it immediately, but it will get everyone thinking. With your disappearance, the lack of any trails and now your bloody clothes, the cops will soon close the case. They’ll declare you dead and your family will have to live with that.”

Loki refused to believe that.

“There,” Thor said, pleased. “I’ll leave some bandages for the night. You never know you may need them. The cut can start to bleed again if you make a wrong movement.”

Loki carefully examined the bandages and a new thought invaded his mind. “This is done exceptionally well,” he said. “Like a doctor would do it, or a nurse.” He gazed into those blue eyes to spot even the faintest reaction, but over time, Thor had grown rather good at hiding his thoughts.

“My mother is a doctor,” Thor admitted casually. “She taught me a thing or two.”

Loki knew he was testing his luck. “And your father?” He asked lightly.

Minutes ago, he would have done anything for Thor to leave and now he was making casual conversation with him. Loki had no idea what the hell he was doing, but he figured he was in need of some company. These last few days, he barely saw Thor – except for two minutes a day when he came down to give him food – and he felt lonely.

He was disgusted with himself.

“Who cares what my father does,” Thor said. Obviously he didn’t have the best relationship with his old man. It made Loki miss his own father even more. “He has always spent more time working than with his family, but…he is a good man in the end.”

Loki knew nothing about the human mind and he knew nothing about human relationships. He had never liked the study of the mind, but he didn’t need a degree in psychology to know that there was something fundamentally wrong in how Thor described his father. It was dual with one part thinking his father was a good man and another part hating him.

Before he could comment, Thor spoke again.

“I’ve got to go,” he said. “I promised Sif I would call her tonight.” He didn’t seem particularly happy about that. He stood, grabbed the bag and knife and turned to look at Loki again. “You didn’t boycott me tonight,” he said with a grin on his face. “You did what I asked of you. I’ll bring you something sweet tomorrow as a reward.”

Again, Loki was faced with proof that Loki was utterly insane.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for non-con and suicidal thoughts!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this story, guys. I love to read your thoughts on it!

**Day 477**

The headline of today’s local newspaper appeared obscenely large. Loki wanted rip it into a thousand pieces, but his arms and hands felt numb. He was being confronted with a painful truth, but he refused to accept it. ‘ _Loki Laufeyson declared dead_ ’. He read about how the police had found a bag with bloodied clothes and a knife over two months ago. He read about how they conducted a thorough investigation, but that it was time to understand Loki Laufeyson had probably been murdered. They hadn’t found any DNA or other evidence that might lead them to the killer which disappointed Loki. Even worse was to read that the family of Laufeyson was devastated. Loki didn’t want his family to think he was dead. He wanted them to look for him. He wanted them to be stubborn and never lose hope.

“It’s official,” Thor stated the obvious. “No one is looking for you anymore.”

Loki ripped his eyes away from the paper. He didn’t care that tears were rolling down his cheeks and he didn’t care that Thor could see them. What was the point in hiding his agony? Obviously Thor knew this hurt him and obviously he didn’t care.

“Don’t be sad,” Thor said softly. He kneeled before Loki who sat motionlessly at the table. It was very late in the evening and they were currently in the kitchen while Thor’s cat Aesir stared at them with large eyes. Loki had wondered why he’d been allowed out of his cell at the odd hour, but now he understood Thor had wanted to show him this. Thor felt this was a _special_ moment. “You know your family’s suffering is over now. They can move on.”

“And my suffering?” Loki asked hollowly. He didn’t care that Thor was so close to him. He barely registered the fact that his captor took a hold of his hands in a comforting manner. “Will my suffering ever end?”

Thor frowned even though he seemed slightly offended. “I am doing my best here, Loki,” he replied. “If you are suffering, then it’s not my fault. If you would just accept your destiny, you would be happy. If I knew you loved me, you wouldn’t have to live in a cell.”

It should please Loki that Thor was at least referring to his cell as his cell now, and not to his _room_. A part of Thor had sobered up, apparently, but it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough to break the fantasy completely.

“Then I’ll be living in a cell for a very long time,” Loki sighed. He refused to indulge Thor’s fantasy. He would never play the role of loving boyfriend just to ease his life. He would rather be a prisoner than accept his fate – than to lay down his head and let it all happen.

Loki expected Thor to burst with anger, but the man only tightened his hold on his hands and smiled faintly before bringing a hand to Loki’s thin, pale face, cupping his chin. “That’s your choice,” Thor said. “And I can live with that. As long as you are here, with me, I can live happily.”

Thor kissed him as he often kissed him lately. Loki never pushed Thor away, but neither did he kiss him back. He always held still while keeping his lips firmly pressed together and he always prayed that Thor would withdraw quickly. Such was the case now. Thor looked happy when he stood again and took the newspaper away from him.

“It’s time to get you down to your cell again,” he announced. “It’s getting late and I have to work tomorrow.”

Loki didn’t hesitate. He stood up and allowed Thor to guide him through the house and down to his cell. He was relieved that Thor didn’t force him to sleep in his bed tonight, because he was looking forward to spend some time alone with his thoughts, though he knew he was most likely to just feel depressed and incredibly alone.

The moment the heavy steel door closed behind him – effectively locking Loki inside that small room – Loki let all pretenses slide away from him. He dropped down on the mattress and inhaled deeply to steady himself. But he didn’t cry.

The light went out, throwing the cell in utter darkness, and Loki didn’t move. He simply laid there, thinking of his family and praying that they wouldn’t give up. He prayed and _prayed_ , but he knew it was unlikely his prayers would be heard or answered.

**Day 589**

Ever since Loki had been officially declared dead by the state, Thor felt as if he was less prosecuted. He felt free, like a burden had fallen off of his shoulders. Now and then, he googled Loki’s parents to see what they were up to, but he mostly found information on the organization they had started a few months ago. He found little to no proof that anyone was still looking for Loki.

His life was running surprisingly smoothly. Sif was still his girlfriend, but she was happy with the slow progress their relationship was making. She didn’t want to move in together or settle down. Of course Thor was obliged to have sex with her and it wasn’t that he minded, but every time he found himself sleeping with her – who he really did like – he imagined he was actually being with Loki.

The relationship with his parents was going exceptionally well, too. Talking to his father was still difficult and now that Odin was working so hard again, Thor had trouble dealing with it all, but there was still his mother. He loved his mother with all his heart and he would never do anything to hurt her. That was actually the only reason why he maintained a decent relationship with his father.

It was all to please his mother.

And then there was Loki. The love of his life appeared to be doing well lately. He barely rebelled and when Thor asked him a question, he answered immediately. He knew Loki was simply doing everything from getting hurt and even though Thor greatly regretted having beaten him before, he knew it had been necessary. He loved Loki with all his heart, but at the beginning of their relationship, he had needed the man to be afraid of him. How else would he have made him submissive and obedient?

Now they were in the kitchen and even though it was getting late, the sun was still shining and given off the last of its warmth. The summer had arrived not too long ago and Thor felt wonderful. He knew Loki preferred the winter, but Thor did everything to keep the man happy. He allowed him to shower every day and even gave him cold lemonade in the afternoon. Everything was running perfectly and Thor believed he could live happily ever after like this.

If only… Thor couldn’t help but look at Loki as he put the last of the dirty dishes into the warm dishwater to clean.  His raven hair was getting long again and Thor made a mental note to cut it later, but his thoughts were quickly drawn back to Loki’s features. He observed his pale arms and thin shoulders, his long neck and sharp cheekbones. His thin fingers grabbed a glass and submerged it into the water, drops of water jumping up and landing on his ghostly skin, instantly rolling down again.

Thor slowly stood and walked towards Loki, carefully wrapping his arms around his narrow waist and burying his face in the crook of his neck. He could feel Loki tense beneath his touch and he could hear him suck in a sudden terrified breath, but Thor didn’t pay it any attention. He would just have to ease Loki’s mind and reassure him that he didn’t mean him any harm.

“Please don’t,” Loki said.

Loki’s voice sounded strong and confident which Thor liked, but it didn’t make him halt his actions. On the contrary, hearing Loki’s deep, emotion-filled voice made him eager with anticipation. He wanted to smell the man, wanted to feel him – _touch_ him. Thor slowly moved Loki’s shirt upwards so that his fingers could feel the warmth of his skin.

“You are beautiful,” he whispered into Loki’s ear. He kissed the shell of his ear while his hands caressed every inch of his skin. He could feel Loki shudder beneath his touch before he tried to push his hands away. “Don’t resist,” he said, his voice dark and dangerous. Thor could never control himself when he felt anger boil within his chest and he truly hoped Loki wouldn’t be difficult tonight.

“No,” Loki continued to protest. “I don’t want this. I don’t want you!”

Thor deliberately ignored that comment. He knew Loki was physically weak – he had made it so – but that didn’t mean he couldn’t fight back at all. Thor still had faint scares on the side of his face from the time Loki had scratched him so many months ago. To make sure Loki’s movements were restricted, he pressed Loki’s body against the counter, pinning him there, Loki’s back to Thor’s stomach. Thor noticed that Loki clung onto the edge of the counter to steady himself, his knuckles having turned entirely white.

“It’s okay,” he reassured him, running a hand through his dark hair. “Everything will be okay.”

“No!” Loki said stubbornly. His voice was on the edge between fury and panic. He struggled to the best of his abilities, but Thor had a firm grasp on him. “Let me go! Thor, just let go of me. _Please_.”

Thor didn’t react to his pleas. He only felt arousal as Loki’s body was pressed against his. He swiftly managed to expose their skin and electricity coursed through his veins when he felt the softness of Loki’s skin against his. He wanted to feel every inch of it. He wanted to taste it. His lips kissed Loki’s neck and shoulder while his fingers brushed across his back. He held Loki against the counter with one hand which restricted his own movements, but Thor could still enjoy the moment. He could still experience Loki to his full extend.

“Work with me, Loki,” he said alluringly. “Allow me this and you might just enjoy yourself.”

“I _don’t_ want this,” Loki bit back at him. “Don’t touch me, you bastard!”

His threats were empty and meaningless. Thor was already touching him, feeling him and tasting him. He wouldn’t stop now. He simply _couldn’t_. He was overrun with desire. Besides, had he not restrained himself for so very long? He had always abstained himself from touching the man he loved so very much, with only one exception. Had he not deserved this? Was this not _his_ reward for treating Loki so honorably?

After sucking his own fingers, he finally entered Loki with one finger, then two, eventually three, and after hearing Loki’s cries of pain, he momentarily paused. He wasn’t cruel after all. He allowed Loki time to adjust to the sudden intrusion as he heard him gasp for air. He watched his head fall forward, and Thor only kissed the back his neck. It made Loki protest even more.

“You’re a pervert,” Loki hissed. “You’re one sick bastard.”

Any other time, such a comment would have him fuming. It would have him violently grabbing Loki’s shoulders and shaking him. He would beat him, but not now, not while he was finally having the man he loved again. He pulled out his fingers and then slowly penetrated Loki with his hardness. As he began to move his hips, he could hear Loki letting out small cries of pain, but that wasn’t his fault. If Loki would just cooperate, this could actually have been pleasurable for the both of them.

“I never thought…” Thor began, whispering, feeling himself grew tense with every movement he made. “I never thought I’d fill with such desire, Loki, but you are worth everything. _Everything_. You just…you fuck with my brain, my love, you make me feel so good.”

When he came a few minutes later, he clung onto Loki as if he clung onto life itself. He sucked in a sharp breath and felt his entire body fill with pleasure. It made him feel elated and energized and he wished he could share this with Loki. Instead he withdrew from him, pulling up his pants and dropping down on the closest chair. He still didn’t have his breathing under control because Loki simply had an intoxicating influence on him.

Loki hastily readjusted his clothes as to cover himself up again, but he didn’t turn to face Thor. His shoulders were filled with tension and his head was still bowed down. Thor could tell his love was suffering, but perhaps that was his punishment for not cooperating. Truly, if he would just accept the love Thor offered him, both their lives would be so much easier.

“Do you still hate me?” Thor asked suddenly. He distinctly remembered Loki telling him that the last time they’d had sex. That morning after had not been pleasant and Thor wanted to avoid such an episode again. If only he had a way to keep Loki happy.

Loki turned around and for the first time, Thor could see nothing but anger and hatred radiate from his vibrant green eyes. They usually betrayed fear as well, but now there wasn’t even the faintest trace of said emotion. Thor quite liked to see this. He much preferred an emotional Loki to an apathetic one.

“I’ll never stop hating you,” Loki bit back. He straightened his back, regaining some of his composure. “May I clean myself up?”

That was something Thor hadn’t expected. He frowned as he tried to figure out what exactly Loki had planned. Why would he suddenly ask to get cleaned up? Did he feel dirty? Did he just want to get away from him?

“Just five minutes in the bathroom,” Loki added boldly. “I would think it’s the least you could do after having me against my will.”

Thor hated it when he put it like that. “Five minutes,” he answered, indulging Loki this small favor. “But not a second longer.”

Loki’s eyes remained cold and calculated. “Understood.”

~ 0 ~

As soon as the door closed behind him, Loki let out a tired sigh. It was a miracle he was allowed to be in here alone, though he knew Thor was just outside of that door, listening to his every movement. Silently, he made his way towards the sink and quickly let cold water run over his hands. He splashed it into his face, hoping it would make him feel at least slightly better before he continued to clean himself up, feeling relieved to erase the last traces of Thor from his body.

Now that his desperate need for cleaning himself had been fulfilled, Loki couldn’t help but want to escape. He walked towards the small window, but his hopes were easily crushed. The window was locked and even if he could have opened it, there was no way he could climb down.

Loki cursed under his breath, feeling crushed and overcome with exhaustion.

When he looked at himself in the mirror, he felt horrified. He could only see the dark circles underneath his eyes and empty gaze. His cheekbones stood extremely sharp and his skin had an unhealthy pale color. He looked ill and at this moment, and he _felt_ ill. He was tired of dealing with these situations. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had smiled.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered to himself. “Keep yourself together.”

But what was the point? He had tried to escape once and he had learned it was impossible. Whenever he was out of his cell, Thor kept a close eye on him. He was never further away from him than two meters. When – by some chance – he _was_ left on his own for a few minutes, he was tied down by those damn cuffs.

Loki simply couldn’t handle it anymore. Was this his life now? Being another man’s plaything? A toy? It must be, because he refused to believe that Thor actually loved him. He couldn’t handle the idea of being a prisoner of a madman for another year, perhaps even longer. If that was his future, then he’d rather not have a future at all.

Not knowing what else he could do, Loki tried to get into the cabinet underneath the two sinks, but much to his irritation, he found that those were locked as well. Of course they were locked, Loki thought hopelessly, why else would Thor agree to letting him stay in here on his own?

There was a short, but sharp knock on the door. “Five minutes have passed, Loki,” Thor announced. “It’s time to get downstairs again.”

Loki hated to hear that voice. It sent shivers down his back. Yet, what other choice did he have than to obey? The door wasn’t locked so Thor could enter whenever he wanted and a part of him was thankful that he had been given this short moment of privacy.

Reluctantly, he walked out of the bathroom, instantly finding Thor’s worried gaze land on him.

“You still need to finish the dishes,” Thor said as they walked downstairs.

Loki didn’t know whether Thor really wanted those dishes done or whether he just wanted to break the heavy silence between them. Either way, Loki couldn’t care less. He was done caring. He simply wanted this madness to end and he began to understand that he was only one who could make that happen. There was no one looking for him anymore – Thor had made sure of that – and his chances to escape were almost nil.

So how else could he escape?

The solution was very simple, but Loki didn’t know if he was ready for it.

As he continued to clean the dishes, he found himself staring at a small cutter Thor had used to peel the potatoes. Loki had fantasied a million times before about how he grabbed that small, but sharp knife and stabbed Thor with it. When he closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift, he could even feel Thor’s blood run over his hands, but he’d never had the courage to actually try it. Again, what were the chances he would succeed? He might hurt Thor – which would bring him great pleasure – but he would never be able to kill him. He didn’t have the proper strength and he knew Thor would beat him half to death if he ever attempted such a thing.

But he had made a click in his head that evening. Did he still care about his own safety? Maybe. Maybe not. The truth was that he only had one shot at this and he needed to make a choice. Would he attack Thor and hope to escape or would he try to simply end this madness. Chances at succeeding for the second plan were much greater.

He glanced over his shoulder and found Thor momentarily distracted. He swiftly grabbed the cutter and hid it in the fold of his sleeve. His heart began to race, but he forced himself to stay calm. He finished the dishes and turned to face Thor. He could still attack him. He could aim for his throat.

“Come on,” Thor said. “Let’s get you to your cell for the night.”

Thor always walked behind him. It was as if he always expected an attack. He might be criminally insane, but Loki had to admit that the guy knew what he was doing. He knew how to control Loki and he knew how to keep him from trying anything. It was highly irritating to say the least. So Loki walked down the stairs, into the basement and through the narrow passage. The moment he arrived in his little cell, he knew that this might be his last chance. If he jumped Thor now, he could aim for maximum damage.

“I’ll bring you a nice breakfast in the morning,” Thor smiled.

Now or never!

Loki couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He was simply too scared and he hated himself for it. He was afraid that if he were to fail, Thor wouldn’t punish him for it, but he would punish his family instead. Loki’s head became filled with images of his mother lying dead somewhere. He saw his father’s empty eyes and he could hear Helblindi’s voice begging for mercy.

“Goodnight,” Thor said. He left the cell and closed the door behind him.

Loki was all alone again and only now did he realize he hadn’t spoken a word to his captor since he left the bathroom. It was surprising that Thor had kept his cool all that time. Months ago he would have shouted and beaten Loki for his silence. Did a part of Thor no longer want that? Did he believe he didn’t need to hurt Loki anymore in order to keep him under control?

That might just be the case.

He glanced at the watch lying beside his mattress and saw that it was a little before nine. He had five more minutes of light left. He took hold of the cutter and examined the sharp edge. He pressed it against the inner side of his wrist, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually cut through his skin. He was suddenly reminded of Thor cutting the palm of his hand all those weeks ago and he remembered the overwhelming pain.

Would he feel that again?

Loki sighed and dropped the knife.

He couldn’t do it. Not yet anyway. He needed more time to gather his thoughts.

And at that moment, the light went out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because you had to wait so long for the last update, I decided to post this chapter sooner than planned. Enjoy!

**Day 597**

It had been eight days since he had been allowed out of his cell. Eight days since Thor had forced himself on him, but Loki could still remember every detail of the disgusting event. He didn’t particularly mind that he hadn’t been allowed out of his cell since, because he never knew what could happen upstairs, yet now he also hated the moments Thor spent down here. He was always calm and going on about his day while Loki barely dared to move. He hadn’t forgiven him for raping him and he could barely stand to look at him.

Each time his gaze connected with Thor’s – even if it only lasted two seconds – he felt sick to his stomach. His thoughts were always directed to the knife he had hidden under his mattress, and not a moment went by where he didn’t think of attacking his captor, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was…afraid. It was as simply as that. He feared that if he failed in his mission, Thor wouldn’t only punish him, but his family as well.

That left one other option and as each day passed, Loki felt more confident about it. He couldn’t continue to live in this hell. This was torture and he couldn’t handle it anymore. Last night he had been sitting with the knife in his hands, thinking that he was ready, but in the end, he hadn’t been able to do it.

It was a very frightening thought after all. What would happen exactly? He could bleed to death, but what if he did something wrong? What if he only hurt himself and Thor would discover him in the morning? Loki didn’t even want to imagine Thor’s reaction!

How strange was it that he had more fear of Thor than of death?

He was ripped from his thoughts at the sound of the locks turning. He instantly knew something was wrong. The locks turned too quickly – almost desperately – and the heavy metal door flew open as if it weighed nothing. Loki tensed and swallowed heavily before straightening his back and watching Thor storm into his cell, a vicious scowl adorning his face.

He had seen Thor angry multiple times, but today he looked absolutely frenzied. Today, he appeared as if he had completely lost his mind. His blue eyes stood dark and his teeth were bared. His muscles stood tense and for the first time, a vein was visible which ran down his neck and disappeared underneath his black shirt.

“Get _up_ ,” Thor hissed. He balled his hands into fists.

Loki didn’t even consider disobeying. He jumped to his feet, but he remained close to the mattress. His mind raced to find out what on earth was happening, but he couldn’t think of anything. “Thor,” he said breathlessly. “What’s wrong?”

“Move aside,” Thor barked.

When Loki didn’t move quickly enough, Thor roughly shoved him aside.

Never having had much strength or balance these last few months, Loki fell aside, his shoulder hitting the wall as he dropped to his knees. With fear in his eyes, he watched as Thor ripped away the blanket from the mattress. He continued to throw aside the pillow and eventually, he lifted the mattress itself.

Loki held his breath.

There lay the cutter almost obscenely exposed.

Three seconds long, nothing happened. There was no sound of movement. Loki wasn’t naïve enough to think that Thor would simply grab the knife and leave with it. No, he was in for a ride! He tried to – at least mentally – prepare himself for what was to come, but the problem was that he didn’t know what to prepare for. That frightened him more than anything

Slowly, Thor turned around to face him, his eyes almost completely black as he gazed down at Loki, shadows hiding most of his features. “I knew I was missing a cutter. I _knew_ it! What did you plan?” He asked icily. “Were you going to attack me once I turned my back on you long enough?”

Loki didn’t know why he even bothered. “No, nothing like-”

“ _Lies_!” Thor stormed forward and hauled Loki up. He pressed him against the wall of the cell, his fingers digging painfully into Loki’s shoulders. “You would kill me! After everything I have done for you, you would _kill_ me!”

Loki whimpered and tried to wiggle himself free from Thor’s grasp, but his attempts were all in vain. Thor merely tightened his grasp and Loki groaned. He despised the fact that he was so close to Thor. He despised that he could feel his breath on his face.

But somehow, his fear made place for anger.

“No!” He screamed. He might sound brave, but he didn’t feel like it. He only knew he wasn’t going to accept his fate. He wasn’t going to let Thor do whatever the hell he wanted to do. He would remain rebellious. _Until the very end_. “I know I cannot kill you,” he hissed. “But that’s not the only way to free myself of you!”

Thor’s demeanor changed instantly. His anger remained very much visible, but it was joined by shock. He let out a startled gasp, but he never released Loki from his grip. “ _What_?” He asked, frowning slightly. It was always intimidating to see how quickly Thor’s mood could change. He remained forever unpredictable. “You would kill yourself?”

Loki swallowed heavily even though his throat and mouth were painfully dry. “Anything to get out of here,” he answered with a sharp voice. “When will you understand that I hate it here? That I hate you? I am stuck in a cell while I’m nothing more than your toy. It’s humiliating!”

“You know that is not true,” Thor replied angrily. “How can you still think that?” He shook Loki’s shoulders and pushed him roughly up against the wall again. It seemed he was trying to literally knock some sense into Loki’s head. “I love you, Loki Laufeyson, and we will always be together. _Always_.”

“You’re wrong!” Loki shouted. “You’re insane!”

Thor burst with anger and violence. He screamed, but his words were incomprehensible. Loki only felt his back connecting with the wall three times. He knew he would have large bruises in the morning.

He tried to fight, but it was impossible. Thor had lost his mind as he continued to scream and assault him.

The edges of his vision turned black.

“Stop,” Loki asked desperately. “Please, _stop_.”

Thor didn’t listen. He shoved Loki away from him and into the wall, the force causing Loki’s head to fall back. It connected brutally with the white stones behind him and sent a sharp pain through his skull and down the back of his neck. He gasped for air, but he barely had time to realize what was happening before darkness claimed him.

The last thing he saw and felt, was Thor catching his falling body.

**Day 599**

The first thing he grew aware of was the softness of his blanket. For the shortest moment, he felt blissful, because for one second, he imagined himself lying in his own bed back home, but then memories rushed back to him. He suddenly remembered where he was and he _definitely_ remembered what had happened. As if on cue, he felt a stinging pain in the back of his head. He moved to sit up without bothering to open his eyes, but he quickly halted his movements. It only made his head feel as if it were to burst in two.

With his right hand, he reached for the back of his head. The skin felt heavily bruised and torn, but at least he felt no blood. He realized Thor must have cleaned and disinfected the open wound. It was the least he could do after knocking him against the wall so hard. _The bastard_.

“Loki?”

His eyes instantly flew open and his gaze landed on Thor’s imposing form as sat at the other side of the little room. His captor appeared worried, a heavy frown covering his brow while his blue eyes stood bright and his shoulders held only tension.

“How are you feeling?” Thor asked quietly.

Loki sat up very slowly as to keep the pounding in his head at a bearable level, and leaned back against the wall, inhaling deeply. He felt nauseous and tired even though he must have slept for hours. Or was it days? How long had he been unconscious? He was drawn from his thoughts when Thor stood and walked towards him.

No matter how many times he vowed not to be afraid of Thor anymore, he simply couldn’t help it. He felt himself shrink away as he held his breath. Was that so surprising? Last time Thor had touched him, he’d knocked him consciousness. The time before that, he’d been raped. Thor claimed to love him, but events such as those only invalidated that claim. It was proof that Thor was nothing more than a crazy and delusional man.

“I won’t hurt you,” Thor said, noticing Loki’s frightened behavior. He kneeled before his prisoner and extended a hand. A small pill lay in the palm of it. “It’s just aspirin. I figured you would have a terrible headache.”

Reluctantly, Loki took hold of the little pill. He hated to admit it, but he did feel like death because of his aching head and that little pill might just bring him some relief. He watched Thor take hold of a bottle of water which he handed to Loki as well.

Only now did he realized how thirsty he was. He wanted to hide his desperate craving, but as soon as he felt the first drops of water touch his lips, he couldn’t control himself anymore. He drank the bottle empty in one go.

For a second, he contemplated on whether or not he should thank Thor for the aspirin and water, but he quickly decided against it. He refused to show gratitude after having been maltreated like that. He eyed Thor and was relieved to find that he didn’t fear to meet those blue eyes. He managed to gaze directly in to them without feeling sick to his stomach.

Thor opened his mouth to speak, but no sound escaped.

Loki stubbornly held Thor’s gaze. He knew his green eyes showed nothing but fury and hatred in this moment and he wanted Thor to see that.

“I am…” Thor began, stumbling. “I am sorry, Loki.”

Loki said nothing in return.

“Please say something,” Thor continued. For the first time, it was _he_ who sounded desperate. He was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, his eyes never landing on Loki for longer than five seconds. It was almost ridiculous to see that _that man_ had been keeping him captive for twenty months now. “I have apologized. Forgive me.”

“How long was out for?” Loki finally asked with a strong, confident voice.

“Two days,” Thor answered. His eyes oozed with regret. “Sometimes I do not know my own strength. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that, Loki, but I was just so angry when I found that cutter. I didn’t understand why you would want to kill yourself. The thought of losing you was unbearable.”

“So you almost kill me in return,” Loki said lowly, knowing he was playing a dangerous game. “You make no sense.”

Thor nodded. Loki couldn’t help but think he resembled a small child that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Thor didn’t look imposing anymore. He didn’t instill fear.

“When I am angry,” Thor said. “I am irrational.”

“Obviously.”

“Forgive me, Loki.”

“No.”

Thor’s eyes widened. Clearly he hadn’t expected that answer. Loki simply couldn’t believe Thor had expected forgiveness. It was time he forced his captor to deal with reality. It was time his little fantasy world was shattered once and for all. Loki knew the consequences could be heavy, but he didn’t care. He had been raped twice. He had been beaten, kicked, cut and starved. He had been knocked unconscious just two days ago. What worse could happen?

“I will _never_ forgive you,” Loki said fiercely and bitterly. “You have ripped my life from me. You have locked me in this godforsaken cell. You have beaten me and raped me. You _killed_ me, made my family believe I am dead! How could you even _think_ I could ever forgive you, Thor?” He felt tears invade his eyes. He could feel them stream down his cheeks, but he didn’t care. The anger in his voice never abated. “My hatred for you is what keeps me alive right now.”

Thor was visibly shocked. “You truly hate me so?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Loki replied. He laughed, knowing full well how crazy he sounded. He was beginning to think Thor wasn’t the only insane person in the room anymore. Was this what he had been reduced to? A man who lost his mind? Someone broken? Was this how he would meet his end?

He continued to laugh.

“Stop it,” Thor said angrily. “ _Stop it_!”

“Why?” Loki asked boldly, his laughter never truly stopping. “Can you not stand me like this? Can you not stand to see me broken? All this is because of you, Thor! This is the work of your hands! You _broke_ me and tore me into a thousand pieces. It’s no surprise that I have lost my mind!”

Thor’s breathing grew erratic. “If you are broken,” he said. “Then I will fix you.”

That silenced Loki.

He didn’t even want to imagine what Thor meant by ‘fix’ him. He could only watch in silence as Thor approached him a second time. He kneeled before him and took his hands into his own. Loki wanted to rip them away, but Thor already had a firm hold of them. His heart began to race within his chest and his mouth instantly turned dry even though he had just drunk a bottle of water.

“Nothing is lost yet,” Thor said, gazing directly into Loki’s emerald green eyes. “As long as we stick together.”

Loki shook his head. “Say it, Thor,” he spoke in whispers. “Tell me who I really am to you.”

Thor frowned, momentarily confused. “You are Loki,” he answered doubtfully. “The man I love and-”

“ _No_ ,” Loki interrupted him.

He stared deeply into Thor’s blue eyes which revealed insecurity, bewilderment, loneliness and disappointment. It was the first time Loki had been able to read Thor’s sentiments so clearly and he realized it was because Thor felt vulnerable. He realized that beneath the monster that had been holding him captive for so very long hid a small boy who hadn’t the faintest idea what he was doing.

Loki only hated him more for it.

“Who am I _really_?” He asked.

Thor gazed down at Loki’s hands which he was still holding, remaining silent. The only sound around them was the ventilator blowing fresh air into the little cell.

“I’m your prisoner,” Loki answered in Thor’s stead, his voice soft, but accusingly. “Your slave. You claim to love me, but we both know that’s a lie. Your love for me is false. You do what you want with me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Can you honestly call that love?” He paused a moment when he felt Thor’s grip on his hands tighten. “Every day you keep me here is a day closer to ultimate despair.”

“Stop,” Thor breathed, still not looking to meet Loki’s gaze. “Just _stop_.”

“You can’t _fix_ me,” Loki continued determinedly. “And nothing can be saved. You have ruined us, Thor, you have ruined the both of us the day you kidnapped me.”

Thor shook his head. “We could be happy together,” he said stubbornly. “If only you would just accept your fate.”

“The day I accept my fate is the day I die.”

“Don’t say that!” Thor’s anger returned to him. Rage became visible in his blue eyes when he finally met Loki’s empty gaze once more. “Keep your mouth shut! You will not die. This will work. We will _make_ it work. Mark my words, Loki Laufeyson, we will be happy together!”

Thor stood and strode out of the cell, leaving Loki alone.

Loki wondered if he would be left in this cell for three days again. He wondered if darkness would be his only companion for the next few days. He waited, but the light remained on. He sighed and laid down, nothing but his thoughts keeping him occupied. He had survived for almost two years. _Two years_! But he knew he couldn’t survive this much longer.

The end was coming, but it could never be happy.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this, just three more chapters! How do you think this will end?

**Day 632**

Having been held captive for a little over twenty one months appeared surreal to Loki because he could still remember the day he had been kidnapped like it was yesterday. He remembered being attacked from behind, remembered smelling the foul stench of chloroform. He remembered struggling and fighting until darkness had claimed him. It felt as if that same darkness still had a hold over him.

It had never left him.

Loki had lost all will to fight. He was just… _tired_. He was tired of rebelling because it led to nothing positive. Last time he attempted to ‘escape’ had been one month ago and the repercussions had been terrible. If he moved his head too quickly, he could still feel a sharp pain in the back of his head because he had collided with the wall behind him. He could still picture the rage in Thor’s eyes every time he closed his own. It sent shivers down his back.

There was one positive outcome, however. Thor had barely touched him since that particular event. He came to his little cell twice every day, but there was barely any physical contact between them. Loki knew that would end soon so he tried to enjoy the feeling of safety for as long as he could. Yet, he knew Thor could always be consumed with lust and if that were to happen, his safety would end.

Thinking of the inevitable day when Thor would force himself on him again made him feel sick to his stomach. He wondered if that time would come soon. Would it be tomorrow? Next week? Next month? What was even worse was the fact that Loki considered not struggling next time. He had struggled during the previous two times and afterwards he had been sore for days. Perhaps if he just let it happen, it wouldn’t hurt as much and-

 _No_!

He felt disgusted with himself. How could he even think that? ‘ _The day I accept my fate, is the day I die._ ’ Those had been _his_ words and he refused to prove himself wrong. The day he stopped struggling might as well be the day he gave up hope entirely. It would be the day he died – figuratively. His mind would be broken. He would never again be Loki; a young, energetic man who thought the world lay at his feet.

His thoughts drifted towards his parents. They thought him dead. They thought they would never see their oldest son again. They weren’t even looking for him anymore and accepting that was the hardest part of all. Loki felt his heart break when he realized he was really all alone down here. There was no hope for rescue.

Tears streamed down his face.

Was Helblindi happy? Had he accepted the so called death of his older brother? Had he moved on? Was he still going to school? Did he still enjoy playing soccer? Loki wished he knew all the answers. He had always doted so much on his younger brother, he had always been so proud of him. The idea that he would never see that boy again felt like a knife cutting through his very soul.

Sigyn was probably with another man now. Chances were she had moved on with her life, too, having found someone that could help her forget about him. Loki remembered her brilliant smile. He remembered her clear blue eyes and her raven hair. He remembered her flowery smell and her soft hands. God, he missed her terribly!

He rolled onto his side and pulled his knees up to his chest while tears kept streaming down his face. He didn’t know how long he had been crying now. He only knew that breathing had started to hurt. He felt like he was suffocating. Was this how he would end? As a crying mess? A pathetic bundle of despair?

He had always sworn to keep on fighting, but that began to prove harder every day.

**Day 663**

This was impossible. Loki simply couldn’t believe that this was _actually_ happening. He stared at the small present lying in his hands while he desperately tried to think of something to say. He should refuse this present because he’d never wanted to accept any gifts from Thor, but this was… _special_.

Right?

Yet, he was so afraid that accepting this might force him into a reciprocal service. Or could this be an exception? Loki desperately wanted – needed – that to be the case. He glanced at Thor who sat near the door, his blond hair having been pulled into a ponytail. He had grown a beard over the past few weeks which made him look more mature, yet when he broke into a smile, he suddenly appeared younger again.

“Happy birthday,” the man said, his grin only growing, “I know I didn’t give you anything last year, but the situation has changed in my opinion. I hope this makes up for it.”

Nothing could ever make up for it. The only present that would truly make Loki happy was the gift of freedom, but he doubted that fit into this small, square-sized box. Slowly – almost carefully – he unwrapped the present, stunned to find a small radio inside. He didn’t know what he had expected – Thor always proved to be unpredictable – but he definitely hadn’t expected _this_. A radio meant an anemic, but almost tangible link to the outside world. It meant that for the first time in almost two years, he would hear another voice.

He would hear music!

“Do you like it?” Thor asked, sounding impatient. His blue eyes stood gleeful and his smile never faltered.

Their interactions had been strained and difficult these past few weeks, but now everything seemed…with a lack of a better word: _normal_ again. Thor wasn’t so detached anymore, nor did he shoot Loki any glares. He seemed to have gotten over the fact that Loki had been suffering from suicidal thoughts.

Not that those were completely gone. Loki still thought death might be his only way out of this horrid situation, but Thor seemed to think he was feeling better. And now with this gift, he clearly thought their situation could be perfect. _Could_ be. They could never be happy and they could never be normal. Loki still wondered when his captor would understand that.

“Yes,” Loki replied. “I like it.”

He refused to explicitly thank him or say that he _loved_ it. He didn’t grant Thor that satisfaction and he certainly wouldn’t want his fantasy strengthened.

“I knew you would enjoy it,” Thor said happily. “I know things haven’t been easy for you lately, so I thought you might like some music in your life. I always listen to music to lift me up.”

Loki stayed silent. He gazed at the small device in his hands and tried to imagine what it would be like to hear other voices. He tried to imagine what it would be like to hear what was happening in the world. He couldn’t wait to listen to the local news or to hear the latest hit.

“It works on batteries,” Thor said.

Loki instantly knew what that meant and it wasn’t exactly positive. It meant Thor had control over the radio, just like he had control over every other aspect of his life. He could dictate how long Loki was allowed to listen to the radio because he supplied the batteries. It was really very subtle, but Loki had noticed anyway. Thor wouldn’t lay out the rules to him right away, of course, but he would announce them soon. Perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps next week.

A soft, nearly inaudible sigh escaped Loki’s lips.

“I’m also making you spaghetti tonight,” Thor continued lightly. Loki wondered what exactly was going through that man’s head right now. Did he think this normal? Did he think this would make Loki happy? “And after that, you may take a bath for as long as you like. I bought your favorite soap; lemon scented.”

Loki knew for certain now that Thor was lost in his fantasy world again, but for once he let him.

Today was Loki’s twenty seventh birthday after all and he wanted to have a ‘normal’ day for once. He wanted to receive this present and he wanted to eat his favorite meal. He wanted to take a bath and he wanted to live in his own fantasy-world if just for one day. That didn’t make him insane, did it? Or weak? He had been fighting Thor for almost two years now, but now he just wanted to get through this day with a content and peaceful feeling.

“I look forward to it,” he said.

He prayed Thor wouldn’t force him into anything sexual tonight, but he somehow knew Thor would behave. He wanted to make this day perfect for Loki after all because it would be a new start to their relationship – or so Thor believed. Loki made a mental note to ruin that hope of Thor tomorrow.

Just not today.

“I’ll come and get you out of here this evening,” Thor announced as he stood.

Another event to look forward to.

Since Thor had discovered the cutter underneath his mattress, he hadn’t been allowed to leave this cell. It had been weeks since he’d been allowed to shower. It was a miracle Thor still brought him a bucket with hot water every few days. But now he had been staring at the four white walls surrounding him for so long and there were days where he felt he was going insane.

Getting away from this place – if only for one evening – made him smile faintly. He wished he hadn’t. He didn’t mean to destroy Thor’s fantasy, but neither did he want to encourage it. Minutes passed in silence, but Loki felt no need to break it. He knew Thor was observing him, but he didn’t care. Why should he? Did it change anything? Exactly. It didn’t.

After what must have been fifteen minutes, Thor stood. “Try it out,” he said, speaking of the radio. “Tell me if it works tonight during dinner.” He left the cell then, carefully locking the steel door behind him.

Loki tried to be relieved that Thor had gone, but he couldn’t bring himself to it. He wished his captor had stayed just a little while longer. Today was his birthday and he just didn’t want to be alone. Being with Thor was better than being alone.

But only today.

**Day 685**

Since his birthday twenty two days ago, everything had been dangerously quiet. Thor was honestly trying his best to be a proper boyfriend which Loki despised with all his heart and mind. He just couldn’t believe his captor even tried to live that fantasy so the day after his birthday, he had begun to rebel again. He refused to listen to Thor and refused to follow his orders. It had resulted in a few bruises and a sprained wrist when Thor had grabbed him too roughly.

Thor’s good mood had vanished of course. He was angry most of the time and Loki knew he shouldn’t antagonize him anymore, but what other options did he have? He’d had his moment of weakness a few weeks ago and now he had newfound strength. Loki knew it was all just momentary, though. He always switched between rebellion and suicidal thoughts lately.

“Come on,” Thor prompted from behind him. “Hurry up.”

Loki had no idea what was happening. Suddenly, the light had jumped on in his cell and he had quickly glanced at his watch. It was after midnight, a conclusion that frightened Loki and he had no clue why Thor had entered his cell and ordered him to walk out. Now they were walking up the stairs of the basement and Loki felt his heart race within his chest. He couldn’t help but think that Thor wanted to sleep together again and the idea of being raped kept echoing through his mind.

It made him feel nervous and nauseous.

“What are we doing?” He asked with a small voice. He glanced over his shoulder to see Thor’s face, but the man’s eyes revealed nothing.

“Just walk,” Thor said. A part of him appeared amused which partially assured Loki nothing bad would happen, but with Thor you never knew.

Loki bit down on his lower lip as he reasoned with himself that Thor probably didn’t want to sleep with him. He would have gotten him out of his cell much earlier in the evening if that had been the case. Something new was bound to happen and Loki was reminded of the fact that he still hated surprises. He wished Thor would just tell him.

They reached the hallway, but Thor didn’t lead them upstairs which was a relief. Instead, he directed Loki towards the back door that lead outside. Loki frowned, his mind racing to find solutions, but in the end, the answer was quite simple.

Hesitantly, he accepted the warm coat Thor handed to him and put it on.

“It’s freezing outside,” Thor told him. “We haven’t had such a cold winter in years, so we can’t stay outside for too long, but I thought you might enjoy this.”

“Enjoy what?” Loki dared to ask.

Thor only grinned as he opened the back door and stepped outside. Loki followed him, the icy air hitting his face painfully and he needed a moment to adjust to the weather. It had been months since he had been outside, let alone in the winter! He gazed around, finding his surroundings entirely dark, the only light visible coming from the house behind him.

“Look up, Loki,” Thor said surprisingly kind. “Isn’t it magnificent?”

Loki directed his gaze towards the sky – just as Thor did – and felt all air momentarily knocked from his lungs. It had been almost two years since he had seen the stars, but he didn’t remember them to be so beautiful. There were millions and millions in the black sky above him, like a swarm of fireflies. It truly was a beautiful evening. It was one of the many perks of living in a town in the middle of nowhere.

He didn’t know how long he gazed up, but eventually his neck began to ache. He no longer felt the cold, though, which was remarkable. He was merely glad to be outside for once. His eyes fell on the dark woods ahead of him and eventually, he stared at the high fence that may or may not be locked. It was a question he hoped to see answered someday.

“You will leave me one day, won’t you?” Thor asked quietly. “No matter what I do or try, you’ll leave somehow.”

Loki turned to look at his captor, knowing that there lay shock and slight distress in his green eyes. He wasn’t sure whether Thor was angry with him or not since his voice betrayed no emotion. His clear blue eyes showed doubt and pain, however, but Loki always chose to ignore the fact that Thor was human as well. It was much easier to see that man as a monster, but it was times such as these that confronted Loki with the fact that Thor had emotions as well.

“Yes,” he told him, hoping that the truth would not set Thor off into some kind of frenzy. “I will leave one day, one way or another.”

Thor nodded thoughtfully. “I’ve known it for a while now,” he replied while he directed his gaze towards the stars again.

“This is reality, Thor,” Loki said. For the shortest moment, he contemplated on running right then and there. He wanted to sprint towards that fence and disappear into the dark woods, but he knew he could never succeed. Thor stood directly besides him for one and the weather was extremely cold. Too cold. There was a good chance he would freeze to death if he stayed outside for the night. “This situation can’t go on forever,” he continued. “Otherwise, it will be the end for the both of us.”

Thor let out a heavy, burdened sigh. “We could’ve had it all.”

“No,” Loki replied instantly. A little voice in the back of his head warned him of speaking so boldly and told him not to push his luck. He shouldn’t try and anger Thor right now, but he continued to speak anyway. “There was never a happy ending for us. You keep forgetting who I really am.”

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Thor argued, his gaze landing on Loki. When he spoke, a small white cloud escaped his lips. “You are the only one that can change your fate, Loki. If I knew I could trust you, our lives would be so much easier. They would be so much _happier_.”

It was a melody Thor had sung a dozen times already. Each time, he laid the blame for their misfortune with Loki. Thor kept telling him they would be happier if he just accepted everything, but that was simply impossible. Loki could never accept the idea of being Thor’s forever.

“I think you have doomed us,” Loki spoke, his voice sounding confident. “You doomed us the day you took me from the park. This can only end in death for one of us.”

“You really think that?” Thor asked, his eyes widening with bewilderment. He sounded so young in that moment, so _innocent_. It was almost surreal and Loki could barely wrap his head around it. He never could understand how Thor managed to turn around his personality so quickly. One moment he was a tyrant that kept him locked in a cell and the next he appeared nothing more than an insecure young man that didn’t know how to handle life.

Loki nodded. “I do think that,” he answered. He deliberated his next few words carefully, but they needed to be spoken. “The way I see it, there are only two ways how this can end. I remain your prisoner and I remain under your power, but I vow to you that I will die by my own hand if that is the case because I refuse to live like this. I refuse to be held captive any longer.”

Thor swallowed heavily, waiting for Loki to clarify option number two.

“Or I escape one day and I will find my way home,” Loki continued. The very thought made him smile. “And if that happens, _you_ will kill yourself.”

“You don’t mean any of that,” Thor said stubbornly. A frown adorned his face. “You _don’t_ want to die.”

It surprised Loki that _that_ is what Thor reacted to. Then again, Thor always proved to be unpredictable.

“Why do you care?” Loki heard himself ask. The words had escaped him without his permission. “Wouldn’t my death fix everything?”

Thor took Loki’s hand into his own and squeezed it slightly. The gesture was almost comforting. _Almost_. “No,” Thor said fiercely. “Your death would fix _nothing_. How can you even think that?”

Loki gazed at his hand lying in Thor’s. Even though the weather was extremely cold, their skin still felt warm. Touching Thor would have disgusted him weeks ago, but again, he no longer cared. Worse things could happen after all.

“You really think you love me, don’t you?” He asked in a whisper.

“I _do_ love you,” Thor replied without missing a beat.

His green eyes stared into Thor’s blue ones. He couldn’t know what his own gaze betrayed at that moment, but he knew it mattered not. Anger. Hatred. Vulnerability. Fear. Thor had all seen it before.

“If you love me,” he said. “You would let me go.”

The strangest thing happened. Thor hesitated. He actually _hesitated_. Loki had no idea what to think of it. Had he somehow managed to make his captor understand? Had he finally ripped through that fantasy and shown him reality? Had he finally managed to make Thor understand that he didn’t want to be here? Not now? Not ever?

“…I can’t,” Thor sighed. He kissed the back of Loki’s hand before dropping it. “I can’t let you go.”

“Can I ask you something?” Loki asked in return. He didn’t want to dwell too long on the fact that Thor’s lips had touched his hand. Thor nodded in response and so he continued. “You never asked my parents for ransom,” he said. “And you have made the whole world believe I am dead. You’ve done everything to break me, both physically and mentally. You kept me hungry and without light. You deprived me of sound and company. You made me lonely.”

Thor’s gaze never wavered. “I don’t hear a question.”

“Would you really have hurt my family?” He asked carefully. Months ago, he had been certain Thor was capable of taking an innocent life, but now all his ideas of the man standing before him began to crumble. “Would you have murdered my parents or my brother to keep me obedient?”

Thor shook his head. “I could never take a life. I’m not an evil man.”

“Then why did you take mine?” Loki asked, his voice strong and confident.

“I didn’t take your life,” Thor answered, looking confused, “I didn’t kill you.”

“But you _did_ ,” Loki argued. He was faintly aware that his voice sounded harsh and cold now, but again he didn’t care. “You took my life and you twisted it so that it would meet your expectations. You kidnapped me and broke me because I wasn’t the man you wanted to be with. You tore me into a thousand pieces and then rebuilt me. You made me into someone you could love.”

Thor swallowed heavily. “No, I-”

“I’m not myself anymore,” Loki sighed. “I’m not the man you took almost two years ago.”

“What’s your point?” Thor sounded angry. Clearly he hated the things Loki was saying to him. Could it be he had no answer to it? Could it be that he was hearing the truth and he couldn’t cope?

“You say you kidnapped me because you love me,” Loki said. “And perhaps that’s true. Perhaps you _did_ love me with all your heart and soul, but I am not that man anymore so how can you _still_ love me?”

“I…” Thor began. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t you see, Thor?” Loki pushed on. “You _never_ loved me. You didn’t love me when you took me because you forced me to rebuild myself into a whole new person. And if you claim to have loved me since the beginning, then you can’t possibly love me now because I have changed too much. So why did you take me in the first place?”

“Stop,” Thor ordered him. “Do not speak anymore. I know what I feel and I know what I want.”

“There you’ve said it,” Loki continued stubbornly. “I am merely something you _wanted_ , something you craved. Perhaps you wanted to feel powerful and in control. Perhaps you just had certain fantasies no one could fulfill. Perhaps-”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence.

Thor grabbed him and pulled him close, kissing him more passionate than ever before and Loki didn’t know what was happening at first. He couldn’t react. He only felt his muscles tense and his mind freeze. He couldn’t _think_ and his mind had always been the only thing left free. Only a few seconds later did he begin to struggle. He threw his head back and pushed Thor away from him while his nails dug deep into Thor’s neck and scratched his cheek.

Finally Thor let go of him.

Loki gasped for air.

“Does that prove my love for you?” Thor asked breathlessly.

“ _No_!” Loki screamed. He knew no one but Thor could hear him which only made him feel more desperate. “It only proves your insanity!”

“Perhaps I am insane,” Thor replied surprisingly calm. Only now did Loki realize Thor still had a firm grip on his upper arm. “But even the most insane can have feelings. And thinking you love someone, isn’t that love in itself? Aren’t feelings just thoughts?”

Loki slowly shook his head, knowing he had entered dangerous territory. If he said something wrong now, Thor would explode and hurt him. He threw a quick glance at the spot where Thor was holding him and he tried to pull himself free, but he was no match for his captor. Thor was and would always be stronger than him.

“Love is overwhelming,” he said as he forced away his fear. “It’s a feeling that resides in your stomach. It’s something that grows each day until you realize you can’t live without that person anymore, until the very thought of not seeing him or her for a long time actually hurts you. You would do anything for that person. You would do anything to see him or her happy and you would lay down your life willingly if that meant that person would be safe. So what you feel isn’t love, it’s possessiveness. _Greediness_. If you really love me, you would let me go. If you really love me, you would do anything for me and you would die for me.”

Thor looked stunned and his grasp on Loki’s arm loosened.

“But none of that applies to you,” Loki concluded. “Because you _don’t_ love me, Thor. You don’t want to see me happy. You don’t care about that. Giving me a birthday present won’t make me happy. Allowing me to take a bath won’t make me happy. You only care about your own happiness.”

“How can you still think that after everything that I have told you, after everything I have done for you?” Thor pulled him closer again, but this time, he didn’t kiss him. This time, he was furious and he looked seconds away from hitting Loki.

“What you have done for me?” Loki asked bitterly. “Let me tell you what you have done for me! You got me starved and got me in a constant state of exhaustion. You have beaten me and you have kicked me! You have humiliated me and worst of all, you have raped me! I can really feel your love, Thor. _Gosh_! Stop showering me with all your affections!”

He really shouldn’t have turned sarcastic near the end. When Thor’s fist hit his cheek, he fell aside and onto the wet grass, but the pain wasn’t the first thing Loki felt. Satisfaction came first and so he laughed. “You are only proving my point,” he breathed, his voice suddenly low and menacing. “You’re a selfish, arrogant and sick bastard.”

Thor hoisted him up, his face inches away from Loki’s. “We’re going inside again,” he hissed. “We’ve been out here long enough. I hope you enjoyed the stars because you won’t see them again for a very long time.”

“But I’ll dream of them,” Loki replied stormily, having found his strength again. “That is one thing you can never take away from me. I can still _dream_ , Thor, about anything I want! About the stars, about my family and about my hopes for the future.”

Thor growled. “Dream away,” he hissed. “But you will never escape. You are mine and you will always be mine.”

Loki was violently pushed towards the house. He had nothing else to say so he kept quiet. He returned to his cell and watched Thor close the door behind him. He was locked within those four goddamned walls again, yet he didn’t feel he was losing his mind anymore. He had found courage again, if only for a little while, and he clung onto it as if he clung onto the very essence of life itself.

He wouldn’t give up.

Not today.

 _Not today_.


	12. Chapter 12

**Day 742**

Loki wasn’t really listening to the radio as he lay on his mattress. For a moment he thought he should switch it off and save his batteries, but he just didn’t want to move from his spot. He has been lying there for an hour now and even though his muscles were screaming at him to move, he still didn’t care. He kept thinking about that moment under the stars about two months ago. He’d had such passion, such strength.

All that disappeared again. It shouldn’t surprise him in the end. How could he keep his hopes alive when he spent every single day in a cell, alone and forgotten? He was completely dependent on a crazy man that decided over his fate. If Thor grew bored of him and simply stopped giving him food, he would be dead within days.

Loki sighed and let the music wash over him. It was a soft melody while a woman sang about love and summer. He tried to feel something as he listened to her, tried to remember what it was like to feel the warmth of sun on his skin, to feel loved. He tried to picture Sigyn, but the details of her face were starting to fade and that scared him more than anything in the world. He knew she had blue eyes and black hair, that she had dark red lips, because she always wore her favourite lipstick, and had a thin nose, but whenever he pictured her, the edges of her face were faded. Nor could he remember the softness of her skin and the scent of her perfume. He couldn’t remember whether her nose wrinkled when she smiled or laughed.

The song ended and a familiar, but annoying melody began which announced the start of the news. Loki learned more of the world each day. He knew a new President had been elected and the economy wasn’t doing so well. He heard about global warming which was affecting the weather and he listened to people giving their opinion about topics he didn’t really care about. Each day, something new was announced, but each day, Loki cared less and less.

Why should he care about the world if clearly that world didn’t care about him?

Today, he heard the news reporter talk about the European crisis, a robbery and a murder. He heard a report about some politicians trying to increase taxes and he listened to the outrage of the people. Once the important topics had been covered, the reporter moved on to more local news. Again, Loki expected nothing would interest him.

But his heart skipped a beat when he heard a familiar name.

His own name.

He wished he had listened a bit more attentive.

“- _the murdered Loki Laufeyson say to be honored at the invitation_ ,” the reporter continued. Loki sat up, ignoring the agonizing pain in his muscles from not moving for so long, and stared at the radio. The reporter went on, “ _The organization that supports people who have lost a loved one has been gaining attention nationwide. The invitation to promote their charity in Washington has been a gift according to Farbauti_ _Ágaudaughter_ _, mother of Loki Laufeyson and co-founder of the organization_.”

Loki grabbed the radio, needing the sound to be closer. He didn’t know what he was hearing, nor did he know what to expect. He only wanted to listen to every word, not wanting to miss anything. Could it be he hadn’t been forgotten after all?

A new voice spoke, “ _Losing a child is every parent’s nightmare_.”

Loki couldn’t breathe when he heard her voice. His mother, sounding so lovely and warm. Loki closed his eyes and let her voice wash over him, imagining that she stood directly in front of him and imagining that she was speaking _to_ him instead of about him. He imagined her warm hand stroking his face, comforting him.

Farbauti continued, “ _My husband and I started this organization months ago and we cannot believe how much support we have received since. We want to help others to the best of our abilities and this invitation to promote our organization in Washington is a gift. When my son disappeared two years ago, I didn’t know where I could turn for help. The police did everything they could, but I never felt it was enough. I needed a place where I could receive support, a listening ear._ _I hope people_ _know that they can rely on us and our organization when confronted with a similar situation, whether it is because they lost a friend or because a family member has gone missing._ ”

The reported spoke again, “ _The father of Loki Laufeyson was also present during the press conference_.”

“ _My son has been declared dead months ago when a bag with bloodied clothes and knife was found_ ,” Laufey said, “ _the police are no longer searching for him, but I refuse to believe he is dead since a body was never recovered. My wife and I will never give up hope of ever seeing our boy again. Loki has always been a fighter and I believe that he still fighting to survive somewhere_.”

Loki didn’t know when he had started to cry. He merely clung onto the small device and prayed for the news-report to last just a little while longer. He wanted to hear his mother again. He wanted to hear his father. Would Helblindi say anything? Loki had forgotten the sound of his little brother’s voice which horrified him.

His hopes were shattered, however, when the reporter announced that donations to the charity were always welcome and then the news ended.

Loki curled into himself after switching off the radio, but he pressed the device against his chest as if it was the last link he had to his family. He had heard the voices of his parents and Thor could never take that away from him. They were still searching for him and Loki couldn’t believe he had ever doubted that.

Of course his parents wouldn’t give up on him!

More tears streamed down his face and for the first time in months, they were tears of happiness. Loki would cherish this moment for a long time to come, feeling that it gave him strength just when he had given up all hope.

**Day 786**

Thor somehow didn’t look as big anymore. He still appeared strong, but not as imposing. It was as if all illusions had fallen away from him and Loki realized he was just a human being, too. Not only did he have emotions like everyone else, he had doubts and insecurities as well. He could hurt and he could be vulnerable, both psychically and mentally.

Loki kept reminding himself of those facts again and again, but it didn’t make the planning of his escape any easier. Having heard the voices of his parents on the news had given him strength, but they wouldn’t miraculously break him out of his cell. Having heard their voices didn’t break down the walls he’d built around him for the past two years. They could only give him courage, but Loki was nothing with that for as long as Thor kept him in his cell. Chances of escaping from this room were nil.

So Loki patiently waited until the day arrived where Thor took him upstairs again.

Eventually, it lasted forty four days, but finally Loki was allowed to follow Thor towards the kitchen. The delusional man wanted them to have lunch together and, of course, Loki didn’t object. This was his first chance in months after all and he didn’t want to ruin it. This was his first and perhaps _only_ chance. If he said something Thor disliked, he could end in his cell again for God knows how long, and if Thor knew he had newfound strength and courage to escape, he would break him again.

No, it was best if he feigned obedience.

Thor smiled at him almost victoriously when Loki followed his orders and kept quiet, but little did Thor know he had never been so defiant before. Thor brought his prisoner towards the kitchen and told him to sit down at the small table near the wall. Again, Loki obeyed without hesitation, but his eyes sought out everything he could use for his escape.

He grew disappointed.

As always, the kitchen was perfectly clean and void of any sharp objects.

“I’ve made a croque-monsieur for you,” Thor announced as he grabbed a plate and set it before Loki. He also handed him a plastic fork, but not a knife. Never a knife. Clearly he didn’t trust Loki with sharp objects, though if you thought about it, one could do a lot of damage with a fork as well. Too bad the fork was made out of plastic. Thor placed some salad on his plate as well and put the croque-monsieur on top of it. “It’s the first time I’ve cooked this, so I hope it tastes good.”

Loki eyed the glass bowl in which the salad lay, but Thor placed it back on the counter, safely out of Loki’s reach.

He wished Thor wasn’t so clever. Clearly he still anticipated an assault which was rather surprising. Or perhaps he feared Loki would use something sharp to hurt himself since he had been depressed the last few weeks. He had barely put up a fight at all so Thor’s constant vigilance could well be described as paranoia. Then again, Thor probably didn’t want another situation where Loki stole something and smuggled it into his cell. He was still a prisoner, after all, and his behavior could be as erratic and unpredictable as Thor’s.

“I have to take Sif to my parents’ house tomorrow,” Thor said casually. He clearly wanted to have a light conversation and Loki wasn’t going to stop him. If Thor kept talking, he could continue to plan his escape. “I’m starting to think she wants to move to a next level in our relationship, you know? But obviously I can’t ask her to move in.”

Loki remained quiet while he ate the croque-monsieur and salad. It would be good to get some energy from it. If he wanted to escape, he would need that little extra energy. He had lost a lot of weight since the beginning of his captivity and he wondered if he could even run for half a mile without fainting.

Was he psychically strong enough to escape?

He honestly didn’t know.

“Obviously that won’t work,” Thor continued talking, though Loki didn’t know whether he was still talking to him. He looked lost in his thoughts. “She would only come in between us.”

For a brief moment Loki wondered what Sif’s reaction would be if she ever discovered the truth about her boyfriend. He had heard a lot about her and she sounded like an honest and kind woman. Would she be shocked to learn Thor had been keeping a man prisoner for over two years? A dreadful thought invaded Loki’s mind. Did she know? What if she did, but she simply didn’t care?

Did Thor’s parents know?

“Fear not,” Thor said, having noticed the uneasiness in Loki’s features. “I won’t let her come in between us.” Of course he had misinterpreted the reason for Loki’s unease. “Perhaps I should break up with her. It’s not as if she makes me happy. Only you make me happy.”

Loki didn’t reply. He had tried to rip Thor’s fantasy apart a million times already, but it never worked. He wasn’t going to try again today. It would only lead to another fight and that would ruin his chances of escaping entirely. No, it was best if he ate the rest of his food in silence while keeping his gaze down and trying to think of anything he could use as a weapon. The fork was useless, but the plate might be an option. A large glass of water stood before him which might come in handy, too.

Thor continued to talk, but Loki paid him no attention. His mind was racing and adrenaline already coursed through his veins, anticipation making his muscles tense. Could he really do it? Could he really escape? But what if he failed? He might be stuck in that little cell downstairs for weeks, months even! What if Thor finally understood he didn’t want to be here? What if he would be so angry he killed him?

Fear moved like a claw around his heart, gripping it tightly and crushing it.

He reminded himself to breathe.

In and out. In and out.

He could do this. Today was the day and Loki was confident he could escape. He couldn’t lose his confidence. Not now!

“You’re awfully quiet,” Thor noted. Loki looked up to meet his suspicious blue eyes. “I know I must have said things you don’t agree with, but you remain silent. I’m not used to be the only talkative person. What is on your mind?”

Loki licked his lips, carefully deliberating on what he should say. “I didn’t sleep well last night,” he answered eventually. He couldn’t believe his own weak excuse and he was certain Thor wouldn’t believe it either. “I’m just tired.”

Much to his surprise, Thor said nothing. He simply took his now empty plate and placed it on the counter. Loki knew his lunch break was over now and he would have to return to his cell soon. If that were to happen, then he had missed his chance of escaping.

Perhaps today wasn’t his day after all.

_No_!

Loki refused to remain here any longer. He had to at least _try_.

As Thor turned away from him to put some dishes into the dishwasher, Loki stood silently. Time was of the essence; that much he understood. Should he just make a run for it? He had tried that the first time and it had not worked out. Should he attack Thor first? But with what?

His gaze fell on the glass bowl with salad. It was the only viable object nearby which he could use as a weapon. It wasn’t completely practical, but if he used it just right, it might cause some damage. Loki swiftly grabbed the bowl while ignoring the tremor in his hands. Thor stood only four steps away from him and Loki knew he needed to close that distance quickly and without noise.

Too late.

It was too late!

Thor spun around and his blue eyes widened shockingly when he found Loki standing almost directly before him, the glass bowl still in his hand. “What are you doing?” He asked with a strained and edgy voice. He looked confused and already angry.

Loki wasn’t breathing anymore. His grip on the bowl only tightened.

“Give that to me,” Thor ordered furiously. He strode forward, his eyes having darkened with rage. His muscles tensed and that vein in his neck started throbbing again, and Loki knew Thor was about to strike him.

He’d missed his chance.

He had screwed up.

Had he?

It was now or never!

Before Thor reached him or grabbed him violently, Loki swung the glass bowl at Thor’s head, the impact causing it to shatter into half a dozen pieces. A few fell to the floor and a few landed on the counter as Thor cried out in pain, drops of blood already trickling down the side of his face.

Loki couldn’t believe he had actually hurt him. It was surreal and for a moment he thought he would wake from a dream, but this was reality.

Loki wanted to run from the kitchen, but despite having been knocked on the head just a second ago, Thor quickly grabbed Loki’s thin arm and pulled him close. Loki could feel his captor’s nails digging deep into his skin, drawing blood, but he didn’t feel pain. There was too much adrenaline coursing through his veins.

He could only think about escaping.

“You fucking bastard!” Thor shouted. He was frantic and clearly he wasn’t thinking straight. “You’ve hurt me! I’m _bleeding_!”

Loki was stuck. He tried to pull himself out of Thor’s grip, but he didn’t have enough strength. Fear clouded his mind. He couldn’t escape. _He couldn’t escape_! Thor would surely murder him now. He would strangle him in this fit of rage that consumed him. Tears invaded his bright green eyes and he knew Thor could see them.

“I’ll destroy you for this!” Thor continued, having gone completely berserk. He held onto Loki’s left arm and reached for his throat with his free hand. His fingers easily fit around his narrow neck. “I will make your worst nightmares come true!”

Loki couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t move. Only his right arm was free and he used it to desperately try and push Thor away from him. He knew he had screwed up. This was no longer about escaping, but about surviving. If he didn’t stop Thor, he would die by his hand. This was indeed his nightmare having come alive.

“You are _mine_ , do you understand?” Thor screamed as he strangled Loki. “You will never leave this house. _Never_! When will you accept that?”

Loki took a hold of the counter as to steady himself while he was desperate for air. His fingers brushed against something sharp. It took him a few seconds to realize that a sharp piece of glass lay within his reach.

Without hesitating, he took hold of it and a moment later, he planted it deep within Thor’s side.

The grip on his arm and throat disappeared as Thor stumbled back, his blue eyes wide with shock and pain.

The long piece of glass had torn his skin apart and was buried several inches within his body. Blood trickled down his white shirt and already stained the floor. Loki could only stare at his own right hand which was covered with his captor’s blood. It was warm and thick and Loki felt sick to his stomach.

He glanced up to meet Thor’s gaze as silence filled the room.

A switch turned inside his head.

He spun around and ran.

He ran for his life and for his freedom. For a moment he didn’t think he would make it out of the kitchen, but he succeeded and so he kept on running. He could hear Thor’s voice far behind him, but he didn’t look back. He _couldn’t_. He had to keep on running, through the hallway and out of the door.

The moment his bare feet hit the cold, wet grass beneath him, he felt momentarily stunned that he had gotten this far already. The woods lay ahead, inviting him and urging him to keep on running. Loki didn’t care that his feet hurt as he ran over small twigs and rocks. Thor had purposefully taken his shoes away on the first day of his captivity, but right now, Loki couldn’t care less about the dull ache.

That wouldn’t stop him.

As he ran towards the fence, he heard Thor’s voice again. Despite having been stabbed only seconds ago, he still had enough power to pursue his prisoner. Again Loki refused to look back. Seeing a frenzied Thor would only slow him down. That sight would scare him and make him hesitate. No, it was best if he kept his gaze firmly on the woods in front of him. They were his destination. They were his road to freedom.

“Loki!” Thor roared from just a few meters behind him. “ _Loki_!”

With a small heart, Loki reached for the handle on the fence. If it turned out to be locked, then all would have been in vain.

He pressed it down and pulled with all the force he still had left in his body.

It opened.

Clearly Thor had never expected him to get this far.

Loki smiled and felt tears sting the sides of his eyes. He had actually opened the fence and if he took just one more step, he would be in the woods.

He could make it.

_He could make it_!

“Loki!” Thor screamed a third time.

He could hear pain in his captor’s voice, but he ignored it. Loki continued to run, feeling dead leaves and ice beneath his feet. It was still the middle of winter and he wore nothing but thin trousers and a black shirt. He was freezing, but the adrenaline kept him going and in this very moment, he couldn’t feel any pain or any cold.

He didn’t feel how much it hurt to breathe in the icy air.

He just kept going.

He kept running and running and running. Thor’s voice grew softer with every passing second and Loki had to believe he was gaining distance on him. Could it be that he was free? Eventually, he had to stop to catch his breath, standing in the middle of the woods and glancing around. He was all alone in the middle of nowhere, and only now did he think that he was lost. If he was forced to spend the night here, he might still freeze to death.

It was a thought he quickly pushed aside.

He had gotten this far! He wouldn’t stop now.

“Loki!”

Loki spun around. Thor was nowhere to be seen, but his voice was still very loud and clear. Not knowing what else he could do, Loki hid behind the largest tree he could find. His knees were trembling and he barely managed to breathe properly. The edges of his vision darkened while his body screamed for energy and rest at the same time. He leaned against the trunk and slid down, his legs unable to support his weight anymore.

The cold had finally gotten to him and his feet ached terribly. He spotted small cuts and bruises on the soles of his feet while mud and ice covered his skin and trousers. He wanted to wipe it away, but then he spotted the blood on his hands. _Thor’s blood_. He felt disgusted and desperately wanted to wash it away, but he had no water.

Where was he supposed to go?

He wrapped his arms around his knees as he tried to preserve most of his body heat. He needed to come up with the next part to his plan and quickly! He didn’t hear Thor anymore and he wondered if his captor was still looking for him in the woods. He somehow doubted Thor would ever give up on him. He was a stubborn man after all and losing Loki would destroy his life.

“Pull yourself together, Loki,” he said to himself in hushed tones. “You’ve gotten this far.”

In the distance, Thor called his name again. Did he sound closer? Was he looking in the right direction? Loki didn’t know. His senses had grown dull and he couldn’t possibly tell whether Thor’s voice came from his left or right. He just knew it was there and he needed to get away from it. Slowly, as his legs still felt impossibly weak, he pushed himself up.

He needed to keep going. He couldn’t sit there forever.

A dog barked in the distance.

Loki felt his heart skip a beat.

He needed to get closer to the sound of that dog. Perhaps someone was walking in the woods besides Thor. If he could just find one person, he would be saved. He focused on the barking again and after a moment of catching his breath, he began to run once more. His legs felt heavy and he threatened to fall every few steps, but he pushed on.

He kept on going.

He had no other choice.

Minutes passed, but eventually he reached a small open spot in the middle of the woods. He had reached a path! The same dog barked again and Loki could tell it was a rather large species. Perhaps a German Shepherd or a Rottweiler? If only he could tell where the sound came from! He glanced to his left and then to his right.

He needed to make a choice right now.

He chose right.

He ran down the path for about half a mile, wondering if he would ever run into someone. What if he had imagine the barking? What if there was absolutely no one around? It wouldn’t be so surprising considering this icy weather. Loki refused to think what would happen if Thor found him and dragged him back to that house. He’d rather stay the night out here in the freezing cold.

He glanced at his hands and found that the tips of his fingers were already beginning to turn blue. He knew his toes were probably the same color, but he didn’t look down. He didn’t dare to. He only kept on running while he angrily wiped away the tears in his eyes. He had grown desperate, thinking he would never find someone.

He followed a sharp curve of the small pathway and suddenly found himself standing almost directly before a German Shepherd. The animal barked at him, loud and angrily, and Loki skidded to a halt, afraid that the dog would bite him.

Only then did his eyes fall on the couple standing not five meters away from him.

They were the first people he encountered since his captivity and suddenly he had no clue what to say. He simply gazed at them, his green eyes wide and frantic and his breathing was erratic. He watched the cautious man take a hold of the red haired woman’s hand, pulling her towards him as if he wanted to protect her.

“Please,” Loki said, breathing heavily. He still couldn’t believe that he had gotten away from Thor. He couldn’t believe that was his first word he spoke to someone else after his imprisonment. “Help me.”

The dog barked again.

The man’s eyes carefully observed him and Loki knew what he was seeing; a weak, fragile and barely clothed man with blood on his hands. It wasn’t something a person wanted to encounter in the woods. Loki didn’t know what he could do to make it clear that he meant them no harm. He just wanted help.

“ _Please_ ,” he begged again.

The red haired woman suddenly stepped forward, her brown eyes narrowing.

“Tasha?” The man asked, confused. “Natasha, what are you doing?”

“I know you,” the woman named Natasha said. She had a faint accent which told Loki she wasn’t American. Perhaps Russian? His mind wasn’t working well enough to be sure. He watched as she went to stand beside her dog, ordering him to sit. “I’ve seen your face before.”

Loki nodded, hope fluttering within his chest.

“Laufeyson,” Natasha stated and her eyes widened with realization. “I’ve seen you a dozen times on the news. You’re that guy that went missing over two years ago!”

“Yes,” Loki smiled tearfully. He couldn’t believe she had actually recognized him which meant the world _hadn’t_ forgotten about him after all. This stranger knew his face and his name and Loki just wanted to hug her. He wanted to thank her for remembering him. “Yes, that is me. I am Loki Laufeyson.”

“Holy shit,” the man uttered, stepping forward as well now. “But you’re supposed to be dead. The police declared you dead. Just…holy _shit_! What happened?”

“Please, help me,” Loki said, wishing his voice sounded stronger than this. “I was kidnapped.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about possibly turning this story into a book. Would anyone be interested? Let me know in a comment below!
> 
> One more chapter to go after this one! This is exciting :D

**Day 786**

“Please, help me,” Loki said, wishing his voice sounded stronger than this. “I was kidnapped.”

Natasha and the man exchanged shocked expressions and for a moment, they appeared unsure of how to react. Loki couldn’t blame them. What _did_ you do with a man that showed up suddenly, barely clothed and – literally – with blood on his hands? Loki gazed down and found Thor’s blood had turned brown. He desperately wanted to wash it off.

In the past two years, he had never felt as dirty as he did now.

He felt nauseous.

Questions bombarded his mind. Was Thor still looking for him? What if he found him standing there, with this couple nearby? Would he hurt them? Would he try to kill them? Loki couldn’t even answer that last question. He’d realized a long time ago that he couldn’t predict his captor’s behavior. Thor had once told him he wasn’t evil and that he couldn’t kill someone, but Loki couldn’t believe one word he said.

He wanted to get out of these woods. He wanted to get as far away as possible – as far away from Thor as possible! The thought made his chest tighten painfully, his breathing quickening.

“Loki?” The man asked.

Loki’s head snapped towards him and he knew he had missed a part of the conversation. He hadn’t been listening since he had been too absorbed by his own thoughts and fears, and only did he realize he was breathing hard and fast. He should calm down, but no matter what he tried, he still felt panicked and frightened. Even though he stood here with these two kind people, Thor still had a hold over him he couldn’t break just yet.

“Is it all right if we take you to the hospital?” Natasha asked. She was clearly worried for his wellbeing – both physically and mentally – her eyes standing wide as she observed Loki standing before her.

“ _No_!” Loki objected, distressed. He didn’t want to go to a hospital. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, forcing himself to stay focused. God, he was exhausted! What if he fainted? What if these two people would just think him mad and leave him behind? Loki didn’t want to be left alone. Not again. “No, please, take me to the police station. Please.”

The man nodded even though he looked briefly afraid of Loki. He acted cautious and who could blame him? “Okay,” he said kindly and for a short moment, he seemed unsure of what he should do now. “Okay, if that’s what you want, we’ll take you to the police. Our car is parked just outside of these woods. We can drive you.”

Loki smiled gratefully. “Thank you,” he said with a hoarse voice. He watched as the man took off his coat and Loki grew tense. What was the meaning of that? Did this man have plans for him? What if he had fallen from the hands of one nutjob into those of another? But the man merely handed him the coat and Loki felt ridiculous now. He really shouldn’t be so afraid of these two since they were only trying to help him.

“You look like you are freezing,” the man explained, then nodded to the coat still in his hands. “Take it. You need to get warmed up.”

As soon as he felt the warm fabric of the coat around him, Loki felt slightly better. He knew his body temperature was dangerously low, but he couldn’t actually feel the cold claiming him. He only felt numb. He couldn’t feel the tips of his fingers or his toes and when he looked down at his feet, he found they were blue and covered with his own blood from the various little cuts he’d sustained by running through the woods. It was a gruesome image.

They started to walk, the dog following obediently.

“I’m Clint, by the way,” the man introduced himself as he led them down the path. “This is my girlfriend Natasha.” The woman threw him a kind smile. “And this is our dog,” he continued, nudging towards the German Shepherd walking a few meters ahead. “But don’t be afraid of him because he won’t bite. He is one big softy actually.”

Loki could tell Clint was trying to lighten the mood or perhaps he was trying to comfort him in some strange manner. The truth was that it was working, because Loki did feel his muscles grow less tense, and the fact that his upper body was warming up helped, too. But he kept glancing towards the trees, expecting Thor to come running towards him like a maniac.

With every sound he heard, he held his breath and prepared for the worst.

“Nothing can happen to you now,” Natasha told him, noticing his panic and hyper vigilance. “The dog might be a softy, but if we say just the right word, he’ll go crazy. He’s very well trained.” She hesitated for a moment and narrowed her gaze. Loki could tell a question lay on her mind. “May we ask…what happened to you exactly?”

Loki glanced down at his own body as he tried to think of a proper answer to that question. What _had_ happened? How could he even begin to explain? How could he begin to express all that he had lived through? How could he explain to the police about his kidnapping, the torture and the abuse? How was he supposed to explain all the blood on his body? What if they didn’t believe him? What if they thought him mad? What if Thor wasn’t chasing him anymore? What if he lay dead somewhere? Had he killed him? He’d stabbed him in the side and it could be a mortal wound. Had he murdered someone? Did it matter that it was a crazy bastard that had held him captive for so long? Was he a murderer?

He quickly shook all of those thoughts away. He couldn’t know about Thor’s fate and hadn’t it been self-defense anyway? It had been him or Thor.

“A man named Thor took me,” Loki started. He meticulously inspected the couple’s reaction, suddenly afraid that they might know him. What if by some cruel twist of fate, they were his friends? Could he really be that unlucky?

“ _Thor_ ,” Clint repeated, his gaze turning thoughtful for a moment. “You mean Thor Odinson?”

They reached the edge of the woods.

“I don’t know,” Loki replied as he desperately tried to control his fear. He felt paranoid. Natasha and Clint had done nothing to imply that they were Thor’s friends. It appeared, however, that they did know him. “I don’t know his last name, but he is tall and muscular. He has long blond hair and a beard. He is dating a woman named Sif.”

“Yeah, that’s him,” Natasha said. “That is Thor Odinson.”

It was almost surreal to finally know the last name of the man that had kidnapped him. His last name rang a faint bell, but Loki couldn’t place it. He might just be imagining things. Maybe Thor _did_ mention it once? Perhaps he had read it somewhere when he’d been allowed to go out of his cell? Could that be why it sounded familiar? He was sure he had heard it before.

Clint led them towards a dirty, old, red pick-up truck. He unlocked it and as soon as Natasha opened the back door, the German Shepherd jumped into the back and lied down. His ears stood up, however, picking up every sound around him. Loki wondered if that dog would hear Thor approach. Would he bark? Would he warn them? Somehow Loki felt safer with that animal around.

“I can’t believe Thor Odinson did this to you,” Clint said.

“Do you… Do you know him?” Loki asked hesitantly, fear taking a hold of his mind. If these two ended up being Thor’s friends, then they might just bring him right back to that man. They might ruin all his hopes of reaching the police. Maybe he shouldn’t get into the car. Maybe he should turn around and run. Could he really trust them?

Loki had learned a long time ago never to trust anyone anymore.

His hands began to shake and he took a step away from them.

“Not really,” Natasha answered without noticing Loki’s erratic, frightened behavior. She closed the door, locking the dog inside before walking to the other side of the car. “We don’t know him personally, but everyone in town knows him. Well, we know his father.”

Loki frowned. He tried to understand what he was hearing, but it was too difficult. His mind simply couldn’t comprehend the information he was receiving. It felt as if a fog had taken a permanent hold over it.

“Let’s just say you are going to cause quite a stir,” Clint stated. He took place behind the steering wheel and started up the engine.

Only then did Natasha’s gaze land on him. She instantly came to a halt when she noticed his anxiety. “It’s okay,” she told him, her voice surprisingly kind. She slowly walked towards him as if not to startle him and kindly placed a hand on his upper arm when he didn’t back away from her. She threw him a warm, reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, Loki, we aren’t going to hurt you. No one will hurt you anymore. We’ll take you the police, I swear. I’d call them right here and now if I could, but cell-reception sucks around these woods. You don’t have to fear us.”

Loki reminded himself to breathe. Could he trust her? Could he trust Clint? It had been so long since he had trusted anyone. These past few months had taught him he could only trust himself. The world had forgotten about him so he had been on his own. But now he needed to take a leap of faith. He needed these two in order to survive. What other choice did he have in the end? He could refuse to get into that car, but they might just leave him here. And then what? Run back into the woods? He might run straight into Thor and he might find himself back in his cell within the hour. What had all this been for then? He had come this far so he might as well continue.

He hesitantly stepped into the car and prayed that he made the right decision.

They drove away from the woods and Loki absorbed every detail of the passing road. The silence in the car was heavy and uncomfortable because he knew Natasha and Clint had more questions for him, but he felt eternally grateful that they didn’t ask any them. As they got closer to town, he saw more cars and people passing by. He couldn’t believe he was actually in the company of someone other than Thor. He couldn’t believe he’d…made it.

Had he made it? Was he safe?

The drive didn’t last longer than twenty minutes before the car came to a halt as Clint had parked it on the side of the road. Loki turned to look to his left – out of the small car-window – and spotted an old building that was painted in blue. Loki wasn’t from this town and he had spent his entire life near the big city. All this felt like a scene from some cheap movie, only he didn’t know the script. He had no clue what he was doing or what he was _supposed_ to do.

“We’re here,” Clint stated the obvious.

“Could you…” Loki couldn’t even finish his sentence. He felt weak and pathetic. For the last two years, he had been completely dependent on another man and he had craved nothing more but freedom. Now here he sat and he felt more trapped than ever before. His mind refused to cooperate. It was as if he had forgotten how to behave in the real world.

“We could come if you like,” Natasha said softly, understand what he had tried to ask of them. Her intense brown eyes revealed only compassion. “This must be very terrifying.”

“I haven’t thanked you yet,” Loki said with sudden realization. He felt like an ungrateful bastard. These two had done so much for him already and he hadn’t even thanked them! He had to rectify that. “I come running towards you, looking like… _this_ and I must have scared the crap out of you two, but I haven’t even thanked you yet. You saved me and I-”

When had he started to cry? When had he lost the ability to breathe?

“It’s okay,” Clint replied instantly, only concern visible in his features. “You don’t have to thank us. We are only glad that we could help.”

“Breathe,” Natasha said. “We’ll come with you.”

Loki paused for a moment and inhaled deeply. He exited the car and when his bare feet hit the cold asphalt, he remembered how sore they were. He suddenly felt every little scratch, cut and bruise. At least the numbness had left him, but for a moment, he couldn’t move. His legs felt too heavy. Only when a hand gently touched his shoulder did he break from his panic attack. He gazed at Clint and Natasha, offering them a weak, but well-meant smile.

He owed them his life.

“Let’s get you inside,” Clint said.

The moment he started to walk, Loki felt imaginary shackles falling away from his body. He truly had done it. He was free! Just a few more steps and he would enter the police station. Just a few more steps and he could tell his story. He could go home. The thought of seeing his family again made him happy and scared at the same time. It was very confusing; what if they didn’t recognize him? He had only been missing for a little over two years, but he had changed so much.

He looked nothing like his old self anymore. He was extremely pale and he lost a lot of weight. His cheekbones stood sharp underneath his sunken eyes and he was certain several bruises covered his arms, torso, neck and face. It had been a while since he’d seen himself in a mirror so he couldn’t know for sure.

As soon as the warm air from inside the police station hit his face, Loki felt light in his head. He had trouble focusing on objects around him and if it wasn’t for Clint holding him, he might just drop to the floor then and there. After all, he had barely any energy left in his body after running through the woods. It might even be a miracle that he hadn’t fainted yet.

“Could we get some help?” Natasha asked loudly.

Two officers walked towards them and Loki noticed how they held a hand on the weapon attached to their belt. He wondered what exactly those officers were seeing right now. Did they see a weak, wounded young man or they did see a potential threat? He did have blood on his hands after all. He suddenly wanted to shrink away or disappear entirely. Since when had the world become such a scary place?

“What’s going on?” The police officer on the right asked. He suspiciously eyed Natasha and Clint before glancing at Loki. His hold on his gun tightened.

A third officer joined, but Loki could tell she was different than these two men. She walked with nothing but determination in her steps. Her short brown hair was pulled into a neat ponytail and her face revealed no emotions. Her calculated gaze sharpened when she spotted Loki, however, but she didn’t reach for the gun strapped to her thigh.

“Hello, Officer Hill,” Clint said.

“Clint,” Officer Hill greeted him, inclining her head. She sounded polite and diplomatic, and for a moment Loki wondered why Clint and Officer Hill knew each other, but then he remembered he was in a small town. Everyone knew everyone probably. “Hello, Natasha.”

“Maria,” Natasha said. “We need help.”

The officer named Maria Hill gazed at Loki, her blue eyes appearing unnaturally light. Loki found her an attractive young woman, but she was too guarded, too cold. He doubted she was a person who admitted having feelings and by the way she held clear authority over the other two officers, Loki concluded she was a hard, career-driven woman.

“I know you,” Maria said as realization slowly dawned on her. Her entire composure softened then, something which Loki hadn’t expected. He felt intimidated by her, but on the other hand, he felt intimidated by everyone and everything at this moment. He was scared and tired and he longed for familiarity. He was glad that Natasha and Clint were still with him. “You’re Loki Laufeyson,” she continued. “ _Holy crap_.”

Loki felt he should say something. _Anything_. He wanted to tell her she was right. He wanted to scream his lungs out and beg for someone to help him. He wanted to cry and hear his mother’s voice. Would they call her? How would she react? Loki wanted nothing more than to crawl in his bed and sleep. He wanted nothing more than to wake and find that the nightmare had truly ended.

His knees gave out, but thankfully Clint had quick reflexes and caught him easily. Loki shot him a thankful smile.

“Let’s get you seated,” Maria said as she led them towards an interrogation room.

The only reason Loki could follow her was because Clint and Natasha were still supporting him. Minutes ago, he had been afraid of them – thinking they might hurt him or bring him back to Thor – but right now they were the only familiar faces and Loki wanted them close. He threw them another grateful smile as they helped him sit down.

“Get him something warm to drink,” Maria ordered one of the officers. “Some hot chocolate or soup, and find the Chief as well. He’ll want to hear this.” She turned away from the man, but then halted and added, “And shoes. Find Loki here some socks and shoes.”

“Can I just…” Loki was glad he was seated, but that didn’t mean he felt any less tired. Even speaking demanded so much energy. He felt like he had just lived through a sugar-rush and now he was crashing. _Hard_. “Can I wash my hands?”

Maria offered him a sympathetic smile. “Not yet I’m afraid,” she told him. “We need to get a sample of that blood. It’s evidence. It will only take a moment so you’ll be able to get cleaned up soon enough.”

Loki nodded. He didn’t even have the strength to oppose her. She could tell him he was a drunk and didn’t believe one word of the story and he would still just nod his head. He desperately wanted to sleep, actually, but he knew that couldn’t happen just yet. He needed to stay focused and tell his story. Only then would he be allowed to rest.

“Okay, Loki. I don’t really know where to begin with my questions,” Maria said. Her gaze shifted between Loki, Natasha and Clint. “Why don’t you start at the beginning? You went missing…twenty-six months ago. Why don’t you start there?”

~ 0 ~

Thor looked at himself in the mirror in his bathroom. He had never been a vain man and he didn’t care for his looks, but today – for what could be the first time in years – he actually _looked_ at himself. He spotted his dark blue eyes and messy hair from running through the woods. He noticed a few drops of his own blood on his neck and saw how quickly his chest was moving up and down.

He knew he should try and slow down his breathing, but he wasn’t in control of his own body anymore. He couldn’t even control his thoughts and emotions.

He lowered his gaze and found a red, wet spot on his shirt. Slowly – because every movement sent shivers of pain down his back – he lifted the shirt over his head. He eyed the narrow, but deep wound in his side which began to bleed again. Thor could hardly believe Loki had done that to him. The man he loved had stabbed him with a shard of glass and now he was bleeding.

Was this not the ultimate proof of Loki’s betrayal?

After everything he had done for that man, after everything he had sacrificed, he ended up getting hurt. Thor clenched his hands into fists and sucked in a deep breath. Fury overwhelmed his mind and Thor could only think of ways to punish Loki for his insurgence. He wanted to claim him again, wanted to show him just how hurt he felt by his actions.

Thor never wished to use a gun, but today he had no other choice. He needed a way to bring Loki back! He needed to scare him. He eyed the gun lying by the sink as if it were some medieval torture device. Was this what he had come to? Being forced to use an actual weapon? He shouldn’t think about it for too long. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He wanted Loki back and this was the only way.

He hastily cleaned the blood from his skin and put a large bandage on the cut. If he hurried, he might find Loki out in the woods before sunset. Thor felt his heart leap with hope when he thought about that. Perhaps they could just go back to the way it was before. Perhaps they could pretend as if nothing had happened – as if Loki had never tried to escape.

Even though Loki had betrayed and hurt him, Thor was still willing to forgive him. Was that not gracious of him?

He grabbed the gun and turned away from the mirror, but the sudden movement hurt too much, forcing him to halt instantly. He held his breath as he waited for the pain to subside. Adrenaline was slowly vanishing from his veins and Thor knew he couldn’t go running through the woods in this condition. Panic consumed him at the thought of Loki wandering through the trees alone, desperately searching for help.

Or had he found help already?

Thor took hold of the cabinet to steady himself and closed his eyes, forcing himself to remain calm. It was impossible, however, now that he realized everything was…lost. He had lost the one man he loved with all his heart. Loki had left him and therefore, he had shattered Thor’s dreams. They could never be happy together. Thor had tried for so long to make Loki happy, to make him love him, but it had all been in vain.

Silence surrounded him.

He couldn’t breathe when he thought of Loki. He imagined him with some stranger, begging for help. The idea of Loki being so far away from him hurt more than the deep cut in his side. Carefully, Thor stepped forward and exited the bathroom. He couldn’t cope with the silence – with the idea of being all alone here. _Home_.

It was no longer his home now that Loki was gone.

His anger ebbed away, but Thor didn’t know what replaced it. He only felt pain and not because of the wound in his side. Could it be that his heart was aching? Had Loki caused his heart to bleed? Thor never trusted people and he certainly didn’t open up to them, but he had taken that risk with Loki. He had told him about his life, about his friends and family, about… _everything_. All Loki had done in return was abandon him.

He should have known.

He should never have taken the risk.

But this was Loki and Thor honestly loved him. He’d loved him for years and now he was gone and Thor felt empty. He felt lost and alone and he hadn’t the faintest clue what he was supposed to do now. He merely wanted to talk to Loki one last time. He wanted to see him one last time and hear his voice again. He wanted to feel him and smell him.

The realization hit him that none of that was going to happen ever again and Thor felt his blood run cold. Loki was gone and he was probably filled with ecstasy because of it. He had never wanted to be with Thor. He had never loved him, no matter how hard Thor tried.

‘ _I’ll never stop hating you_.’ Thor could remember Loki spitting those words at him as if it had only happened yesterday. ‘ _You broke me and tore me into a thousand pieces._ ’ Thor closed his eyes and envisioned Loki’s crazed look as he had said those words. Had he truly broken him? Had he hurt him that much? He admitted he had been out of control sometimes, but he had never wanted to intentionally harm him.

‘ _The day I accept my fate, is the day I die._ ’ Loki had taken back control of his life today. He had somehow found courage and strength, causing him to break away. He would not die, but was that supposed to comfort Thor? Was he supposed to be happy for Loki? How could he ever be happy again?

What was he supposed to do?

‘ _I will leave one day, one way or another_.’ Should he have prepared for this moment? Should he have believed Loki that day? ‘ _There was never a happy ending for us._ ’ Thor felt tears stream down his face. He would have given anything for him and Loki to be happy. He would have sacrificed everything to be with him until the end of his days.

What was he supposed to do?

‘ _You doomed us the day you took me from the park._ ’ To Thor, that had been the day his life had truly started. Now Loki had left and his life felt like it was ending.

What was he supposed to do?

‘ _I will escape one day and I will find my way home, and if that happens, you will kill yourself_.”

Thor swallowed heavily. Loki might have left him, but that didn’t mean Thor stopped loving him. He might be hurting because of him, bleeding because of him, crying because of him, but none of that meant he stopped loving him. Thor inhaled sharply when he realized the simplest of truths. For years he had wanted to make Loki happy and today, he could actually succeed. Today, he could give Loki what his heart truly desired.

~ 0 ~

The cell appeared smaller somehow. Thor glanced around and saw the dirty sink, the mirror up against the wall and the chamber pot tucked away in a corner. He saw a small pile of books next to the mattress and the radio he had given Loki for his birthday. When his gaze landed on one of Loki’s shirts, he reached for it and pressed it gently against his face. He could still smell him.

He sighed and placed the shirt in his lap. He was sitting on the mattress Loki had slept on for hundreds of nights. His fingers brushed the soft fabric of the blanket Loki had slept under for so long.

In the end, Thor didn’t know how much time passed. It didn’t really matter. He was only aware of the strange serenity that filled him. He knew what he had to do, and he had accepted it. Making Loki happy would be his final act.

His fingers coiled around the cold metal of the gun lying beside him. He inhaled deeply, closed his eyes, and counted down from ten. With every passing second, he thought of Loki. He remembered the softness of his skin, the smell of his raven hair. He remembered his smile which he didn’t often show and he remembered his voice.

_…Three_.

He remembered his strength and his energy. He remembered his rebellious attitude which he had always secretly loved and adored.

_Two_.

He remembered his green eyes that were always filled with so much emotion.

_One_.

He pulled the trigger.


	14. Chapter 14

A heavy silence filled the small interrogation room.

Loki felt as if he should say something to break that silence, but his throat ached from all the talking and frankly, he enjoyed the silence at this moment. It allowed him to gather his thoughts, to try and think of anything he might have missed, but he quickly realized he told Officer Hill and Chief Fury everything.

The Chief had joined them ten minutes after Loki had first arrived at the police station, his one eye filled with disbelief and astonishment. At first, Loki had been terrified of that man, finding him extremely intimidating and imposing, but Officer Hill had quickly assured him they were all here to help him and to listen to his astonishing story. Loki hadn’t been entirely convinced of that fact. He’d been alone for over two years with only a psychopath as his companion. It was difficult to trust anyone at the point.

“She should be here shortly,” Hill told him. The silence had finally been broken and Loki didn’t like it. A part of him longed for solitude, for some peace and silence so that he could come to grasps with what had happened to him. He certainly didn’t like the piercing gazes of Hill and Fury on him, because they made him feel … violated. He could tell they were searching for any signs of violence – be it cuts, bruises, bites or anything else of that sort. They didn’t have to search long or hard.

“We contacted your family,” Fury added when Loki remained silent. Loki kept his green gaze fixed on his folded hands lying in his lap. “They are in Washington right now, but they are catching the first flight back. You’ll be with your family soon enough.”

He wished Natasha and Clint were still here with him, but he understood they couldn’t stay all afternoon and they had both given their statements already. He felt eternally grateful to them, but he still wished they hadn’t abandoned him. Loki knew he didn’t have to fear Hill or Fury – this place was probably the safest place he could be right now – and he knew they were only trying to help him, but that didn’t mean they were any real mental support. The way they had fired their questions at him had felt … detached. He was a case to them, nothing more.

Still, _she_ was coming. He longed to see her again and he wondered if she still had long, black hair or whether she still wore her favorite color of red lipstick. He wondered if she would recognize him and what look she would have on her kind and beautiful face when she would walk in here. He longed to see a familiar face, because that would be proof that he was truly free. _Sigyn_ would be proof that he truly escaped Thor’s clutches and that he could go home.

“When will you …” He swallowed heavily, feeling the soreness of his throat again. He took the glass of water he’d been given a few hours ago and drank it empty. Finally, he raised his gaze to meet those of Hill and Fury. Expectation lay in their eyes as they patiently waited for him to finish his sentence so Loki cleared his throat, forcing himself to sound confident. “When will you go to Thor’s house?”

Fury sighed heavily and Hill pursed her lips. Clearly, they were sharing a thought and Loki didn’t understand. This had not been the reaction he’d expected. He’d assumed police officers were already at Thor’s house right now actually, searching and collecting evidence. Was that not the case? A dreadful thought came to him.

_Did they not believe him?_

“The search warrant has been filed,” Hill began reluctantly, partially assuring Loki. “But it will take a while for us to get permission to enter and search Thor’s home. We can’t just bust down his door, no matter how much we want to.”

Loki frowned, not entirely sure of what he was hearing. “Why can’t you?” He asked. “After everything I have told you, why can’t you just arrest him?”

“Kid,” Fury sighed heavily. The Chief might not have intended to sound patronizing, but Loki did not like to be called ‘ _kid’_. If he’d still had some form of innocence, then Thor had long ripped that away from him. “Do you have any idea _who_ you accused of all those crimes?” Fury asked. “Stalking, kidnapping, maltreatment and abuse, violence, rape. The list goes on.”

Loki could suddenly hear Clint’s voice very clearly in his head. ‘ _Let’s just say you are going to cause quite a stir_.’ Now Fury told him approximately the same. Who on earth was Thor? Wouldn’t this whole situation have caused a commotion anyway? What did it matter who Thor was?

“Thor is the first and only son of Odin Allfather,” Hill explained quietly, concern and regret in her voice. “He’s the man who became the mayor of this town two years ago and who happens to be CEO of his own multinational company.”

Loki still didn’t understand.

“The mayor has influence,” Fury continued. Frustration rang clear in his voice. “He is best friends with all the important people and that means he is pulling a few strings to delay us right now. We will get our court order, but it will take a bit longer than usual.”

Loki let the news sink in, but eventually he just nodded, telling Fury and Hill that he finally understood them. It was strange to think of Thor as someone’s son. It was strange to think he had a father who would do anything to protect him, no matter what crimes he committed. Loki had always preferred to see his captor as a monster without any feelings or attachments, but moments such as these forced him to realize that Thor was human – just like everyone else on this planet, Thor had a family, too.

“But he will face judgment,” Hill assured him. “It doesn’t matter that his father has all that power, he won’t escape from the law.”

After a short knock, startling Loki, the door to the interrogation room opened and an officer entered. It was one of the guys who Loki first saw when he’d arrived in this place, but it wasn’t the man that caused his heart to skip a beat and his breath to hitch painfully within his chest. His green gaze turned to the woman walking inside.

She looked exactly like he remembered.

“Oh, Loki,” Sigyn whispered. She seemed momentarily frozen, unable to move. She pressed her lips together before covering half her face with her small, tender hands. It was a gesture Loki had seen her do so often whenever she had been excited or upset. “Oh my …”

Loki told himself to stay strong. He wanted to smile at her or tell her how much he’d missed her during the last two years, but he felt frozen as well. He could only look at her kind eyes and watch the tears stream down her face. Her blue eyes shone brilliantly with a combination of different emotions. He only wanted to take her delicate hands into his own and pull her close. He wanted to feel her and know that she was real.

Tears began to stream down his own cheeks, too, even though he had wanted to stay strong and composed. Yet for so long, he’d wanted to see her and now there she stood. It felt as if he hadn’t yet accepted the fact that he escaped and that he was free out of fear that he would wake up and find himself back in that awful little cell.

Seeing Sigyn, however, made it real.

 _Very real_.

She hurried towards him and wrapped her arms around his thin, fragile figure, and Loki didn’t care that her embrace physically hurt him. He didn’t care about his collection of bruises and cuts. He only cared about her touch, her warmth, and her presence. He pressed his face into the crook of her neck and for the first time, he was surrounded by a familiar scent again. She still wore her favorite perfume.

“It’s so good to see you,” she told him while refusing to let him go. “Everyone kept saying you were dead, but I never … I never believed them. Your family never believed it either. We all believed in you, Loki, and we trusted the fact that you’d return to us.”

“I’m back,” Loki whispered through his tears. “I’ve come back.”

Sigyn released him from her grip and knelt down before him, her face only inches away from his.

“You look …” She began, but she was momentarily lost for words. Her bright  gaze revealed sadness, anxiety and pain. Her hands grabbed his and gently squeezed them. “You look so thin, Loki, and these bruises and-”

He kissed her.

He didn’t want to see her so shocked and distressed and he didn’t want her to focus on his injuries.

Feelings her lips on his made it all better. Their kiss helped him forget about the pain if only for five seconds. It made him forget about the fact that Thor’s lips had once claimed his. He desperately needed this moment because it would serve as a new memory. From now on, he could remember the softness of Sigyn’s ruby red lips again instead of Thor’s fierce and possessive kisses.

“The ambulance is here,” Fury announced when Loki broke away from her. “We are getting you to the hospital now.”

Loki nodded and stood, though he never let go of Sigyn’s hand. When he looked at her, she flashed him a brilliant grateful and relieved smile. During his captivity, he’d started to forget the details of her face, but now that he saw her again, she nearly blinded him, but he didn’t mind. He just wanted her close because she had become his lifeline now. She grounded him into reality and as long as he could see and feel her, Loki knew he was free of Thor. He knew this wasn’t all a dream.

They walked out of the interrogation room and Loki was merely glad that he could walk of his own accord. His legs felt strangely light and his knees were weak, but he was walking.

A noise behind him drew his attention. It was a voice – loud, commanding and definitely angry. Loki – along with Sigyn, Hill and Fury – turned around to find an older man with white hair and a thick beard hurrying towards him and Loki couldn’t help but feel he appeared familiar somehow.

“Keep him back!” Fury shouted towards three nearby officers.

Loki had not expected the sudden shout and he didn’t understand what on earth was happening. He clung onto Sigyn and felt how she tightened her grip on his hand as well. Maria Hill instantly moved in front of them, one hand resting on the gun attached to her belt. Loki feared this sudden perturbation wouldn’t do him any good. His heart raced within his chest and his hands trembled. He felt exhausted and empty and he feared he would pass out.

“Stay back, Mr. Mayor,” Fury warned the older man.

Loki’s eyes widened. He’d thought the man had appeared familiar and now he understood why. If he looked closer, he could recognize the same crystal blue eyes Thor had. They had the same build, with broad shoulders and muscled arms. Even their voice sounded similar. Loki could not believe that this was the man who’d raised Thor, the man who was supposed to know Thor best, but who had not figured out the monster hidden beneath his son’s skin.

“I will not _stay back_ ,” Odin Allfather yelled. His gaze fell on Loki who suddenly felt the desire to become invisible. It startled Loki that both father and son had a same effect on him. They both made him feel desperate to disappear. “Is that him? Is that the boy who claims to have been kidnapped by my son?”

“Mr. Mayor,” Fury said, remaining calm. “There is no need to make such a scene right now.”

“I will not let these vile lies destroy my son, Fury,” Odin argued.

“We are investigating everything. We are simply doing our job here,” Fury replied. It surprised Loki how that man could stay so composed in a situation like this. “But perhaps you should advice your son to come to the police station voluntarily. We would love to get his statement.”

“And have him treated like scum?” Odin sneered. “Have him treated like a criminal? I think not. My son would not kidnap a man, Fury, and he would not hold him captive for so long. He is not a psychopath or a monster and he would certainly never have any interest in-in-” His gaze landed on Loki and only revealed disgust. “-in _him_.”

“Come on, Loki,” Hill said quietly. “The ambulance is waiting at the back of the building.” She tried to guide him away from the hall – away from the mayor, but Loki ignored her and kept staring at Odin Allfather. He had faced Thor so many times; he had fought him and rebelled against him for over two years. Loki refused to be scared and intimated by yet another man.

“I just want you to think, Fury,” Odin continued angrily, only having eyes for the Chief of Police now. “ _Think_ of what you are doing. All this, all these lies will destroy my son.  Can you live with that?”

“You know-” Loki spoke up, but seeing how everyone’s attention turned to him suddenly made his voice disappear. Then he remembered that for so long he had screamed and shouted and no one had heard him, but this time was different. This time, people _did_ listen to his voice. People cared about him. “You know,” he repeated after swallowing heavily. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Sigyn asked, frowning.

Loki was so very glad that she stood by his side. He drew strength from her – like he had done during his many months of captivity. “You claim that I lie,” he explained, relieved that his voice sounded strong. “But I’m not and I think you know that, too, Mr. Mayor. I think that deep down you always knew there was something … off about your son.”

Odin looked appalled. “What? How dare you-”

“Your son locked me away in a cell,” Loki continued. “It used to be a bomb-shelter built by his grandfather because he fanatically believed the Vietnamese would one day drop a nuclear bomb on America.” He watched Odin’s face grow paler with every passing second. It was almost … heartbreaking to see his old face become torn with horror at the realization that Loki _was_ speaking the truth. How else could he have known about that shelter or about Thor’s grandfather? “But your son made that shelter my own personal cell and he kept me in there for 786 days. I’ve counted them.”

“ _Stop_ ,” Odin breathed. It was bizarre to see him transform from a powerful, influential mayor to a shocked and broken old man. “Just stop!”

“Why?” Loki asked. He momentarily looked at Hill and Fury, but they didn’t plan on silencing him. They didn’t mind that he was telling Odin Allfather this. “Can you not stand to hear what your son did to me? Don’t you want to hear about how he beat me? Kicked me? Raped me?”

“ _Stop_!”

“You have a smart son, Mr. Mayor,” Loki continued stubbornly, needing to get all this off his chest. “I’ll give you that. Thor knew all the ways to break me, to keep me submissive and obedient. Near the end I was so afraid of him that I barely dared to move whenever he was around. He could get so mad with me. Once he threw me against a wall and knocked me unconscious for two days.”

“Officer Hill,” Fury said, thinking it was apparently time to end this. “Please escort Mr. Laufeyson to the ambulance and-”

“He destroyed me,” Loki said, not caring that Fury wanted to maintain control over the situation. “But in the end, I made it anyway. I got away from him and I’ve earned my freedom. But your son and I, Mr. Mayor, we made some sort of … deal.”

“What are you talking about?” Odin asked. His eyes held tears, but he still stood tall and unyielding.

“I once told Thor that I would kill myself the day I’d know I wouldn’t be able to get away from him,” Loki explained. He was faintly aware that he was nearly breaking Sigyn’s hand as he clung onto her so desperately. It pained him to know that tears rolled over his cheeks and that it probably made him look very weak and fragile, but he continued with a strained voice, “I also told him that if I ever _did_ get away, _he_ would kill himself.”

There was nothing but silence in the hall.

“I got away, Mr. Mayor,” Loki said. “I got away.”

More silence.

“Officer Hill?” Fury suddenly asked, breaking the tension.

“That’s enough probable cause,” Hill replied. “I’ll get right on it, Sir.”

“Take enough officers to Mr. Odinson’s home,” Fury ordered. “You never know what surprises are left for us there.”

Loki faintly wondered what was being said, but he lost interest in the interaction between Fury and Hill. Instead, he could only focus on Odin Allfather. As much as he wanted to see that man as the father of a monster, he could only see him as a _father_. Loki knew he just told Odin the news no parent ever wanted to hear and he should care about that, shouldn’t he? It shouldn’t matter that Odin had called him a liar because hadn’t he just been protecting and defending his son? If Loki had any empathy or decency left, he would apologize, but he _couldn’t_. He could never apologize for Thor’s death.

“Come on, Loki,” Sigyn said to him in hushed tones. She gently guided him away from the hall and towards the ambulance.

Loki walked away with her, but he kept his gaze trained on Odin for just a moment longer. He watched as the man burst in tears and he watched as he covered his face in shame. Loki realized what he just did: he had destroyed lives. Thor had destroyed his family and now he’d destroyed Thor’s.

There was some kind of poetic justice to that.

Loki didn’t care about what happened next. He didn’t care about medics rushing him into an ambulance and he didn’t care about them performing some preliminary tests. He’d thought he would hate the fact that people touched him, but again, he didn’t care. He only cared about Sigyn, about having her with him because that  eased his mind. Feeling her hand in his was what soothed him.

“Sigyn?” He asked as the ambulance started to drive down the street.

“I’m here, Loki,” she assured him.

“That’s all I needed to know.”

~ 0 ~

When Loki woke two days later, he couldn’t instantly remember where he was. He didn’t feel the familiarity of his blanket, nor was he overwhelmed by a bright light. For a moment, he thought he had been forced to sleep in Thor’s bed again, but he couldn’t recall falling asleep in his bedroom.

Slowly and anxiously, he opened his eyes.

The room he found himself in was clean and … clinical. The walls were white – much like his cell – but there was a large window that allowed bright sunlight to flood the room. The smell of medicines and disinfectants filled the air. It was enough for Loki to deduce that he was in the hospital and relief quickly coursed through his veins when he realized that he hadn’t been dreaming after all. He truly did escape Thor’s clutches. He wasfree!

“Loki?”

His head snapped towards the sound and his eyes widened. He couldn’t believe that he was actually looking at _her_. He couldn’t believe that he was actually seeing her long black hair flowing across her back or her pale skin or her radiant green eyes. Loki pushed himself into a sitting position, but he never took his gaze away from her out of fear that she might not be real – out of fear that if he took his eyes off of her, she’d disappear.

“Sweetheart, calm down.”

He was breathing hard and his muscles tensed.

“ _Mom_?”

“Yes, it’s me,” Farbauti smiled. She sat on the edge of her seat and reached out to take her son’s hand into her own. Her skin felt warm and Loki enjoyed the touch. He enjoyed finally having her so close after months of missing her. “You’re safe, Loki, you’re in the hospital.”

Loki nodded while he forced his thoughts to slow down. He bit down on his lower lip and tried to keep himself from crying, but his efforts were in vain. For so long he had craved his mother’s presence, he’d craved to see and feel her again and now she was finally here and Loki could barely wrap his head around it. He watched as Farbauti stood and wrapped her arms around him.

“I have you, love,” she soothed him, pressing him close to her body. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Loki didn’t know how long she held him and he didn’t know how long he cried in her arms. He didn’t care, nor did he mind. She was his mother and she might well be the only person in this universe he didn’t have to hide his feelings from.

After a long time, she released him from her grip, but she didn’t let go of his hands. Loki threw her a grateful, but watery smile.

“How long have I slept for?” He asked. He’d stopped crying, but his voice still sounded shaky and uncertain. He wondered how long his mother had been sitting at his side and he wondered where his father and brother were. He had so many questions he wanted to fire at her, but he knew he would have time to ask them.

There was no rush.

“Two days,” Farbauti answered. Her thumbs were rubbing circles into the palm of his hands, soothing him. “The doctors gave you a sedative so that your body could get some proper rest. You were severely dehydrated and malnourished so they gave you an IV as well.”

Loki’s gaze fell to his right arm as he only now noticed that he was indeed hooked to a machine. He focused on his mother again and asked a few of the other questions that lay on his mind. “Where is father? And Helblindi? How are they?”

“They are home,” Farbauti answered. She smiled at him. “They wanted to stay here, but after such a long flight from Washington, I told them to get some rest first. I will call them and tell them you’re awake. They’ll rush to the hospital. They will be so relieved to see you awake, Loki, and they will be so incredibly happy! I have never seen your father cry before in my life, but when Chief Fury called us and told us what happened, he bawled his eyes out. You can’t begin to understand how utterly ecstatic we were, how blessed we felt when learned that you survived. All of our dreams came true.”

Loki should feel blissful when he heard his mother speak those words, but he could only think of the pain and sorrow he’d caused them. He wanted to apologize to them, but instead, he told his mother this, “You gave me strength, Mom. Thinking of you and father and Helblindi helped me survive each day. Knowing that you were waiting for me gave me courage to face Thor for so long.”

Tears rolled down Farbauti’s cheeks. “I am just so incredibly relieved to have you back, my love.”

“Have you heard anything about …” Loki wasn’t sure he should be thinking of his captor right now and he knew Farbauti wouldn’t like to hear him ask this, but he had to pose the question anyway. He needed to know what had happened to Thor. “Have you heard anything about Thor?”

Her usually light green eyes darkened at the mention of that name. “They busted his home the same day you resurfaced,” she told him, albeit reluctantly. “They searched everything and eventually they found your … cell.” She looked horrified and hurt. “He shot himself.”

Loki nodded. He had thought the news would satisfy him – brighten him – but in the end, Loki only felt a weight fall from his shoulders. His captor and tormenter was dead. He had known already, but now his mother had confirmed it. It announced the end of his personal hell, though it would take him a while to adjust to the idea that he wasn’t completely dependent of that man anymore.

There was a short knock on the door and Loki turned his head expectantly towards the sound. For a moment he thought Sigyn would enter or perhaps his father and brother. He wondered if any of his friends already knew about his return. It was a doctor who entered, however, looking kind and compassionate. He had short, dark hair and brown eyes, and thin glasses stood on the tip of his nose, giving him a very intelligent look.

“Ah, I see you’re finally awake,” the doctor said, smiling warmly. “It is nice to finally meet you. I am Doctor Bruce Banner and I’m your attending physician.” He extended his hand which Loki shook politely. “How are you feeling?”

Loki actually thought about that question. How _was_ he feeling? Relieved, content, hopeful, grateful, confused, uncomfortable, safe, scared, overwhelmed. He could go on for a while, but he realized that all those emotions were normal. What mattered was that he didn’t feel any physical pain and that he was with his mother.

“I am all right,” he finally answered the doctor’s question. “All things considering at least.”

Banner nodded thoughtfully before taking Loki’s chart and quickly examining it. “That is good to hear, Mr. Laufeyson,” he said. “I see you’re still a bit dehydrated so you’ll be stuck with the IV for a little while longer I’m afraid.”

“It’s okay,” Loki replied. The IV was the least of his problems. “And please call me Loki.”

Banner’s gaze brightened. “All right, Loki,” he said. “I would like to perform some simple tests if that’s okay with you. I’d like to listen to your lungs and your heart, and I would also like to check your bruises to see if they’re healing nicely. Would that be okay?”

Loki nodded.

Farbauti stood and reluctantly let go of her son’s hand. “I’ll give you some privacy,” she said softly. Loki didn’t want her to leave, but the way she gazed at him assured him that she wouldn’t be far away. She pressed a kiss against his cheek. “I have to call you father and brother anyway. I’ll be right back.”

Loki watched her exit the room, leaving him alone with the doctor, and he wished he didn’t feel so uncomfortable. He wished he didn’t have to show his beaten and battered body to anyone, but he knew he had no other choice, at least not if he wanted to let Doctor Banner do his job. He was only trying to help him after all. Besides, the doctor had probably seen worse in his career.

Loki carefully removed his shirt, the movement causing his muscles to ache.

A moment later, the feeling of strange hands on his skin made him shudder.

“If this makes you uncomfortable or if you wish for me to stop,” Banner said. “Then tell me.”

“No, it’s fine,” Loki replied truthfully, gaze focused on his hands lying uselessly in his lap.

“And you are sure you’re not in any pain?” Banner asked as he examined a few bruises on Loki’s back. Loki knew the doctor posed the question a second time because his mother wasn’t around anymore. “I can prescribe you some pain killers if you want, or something to help you relax.”

Loki shook his head, though he knew he could probably use something to help him feel more at ease. The main reason why his muscles ached like this was because he kept growing tense. It was so utterly strange to know that he was safe, but to still feel cautious and anxious at the same time. He knew Thor was dead and he would never be locked in that cell again, but he still expected Thor to walk into this very room to reclaim him.

“Loki?”

“I’m good,” Loki assured the doctor. “I just need a bit of time to … adjust. That’s all.”

“Of course,” Banner said understandingly. He stepped away from Loki and placed his stethoscope around his neck. “You can put your shirt back on. I’m going to keep you here for one more night and tomorrow you should be able to go home. I think you’ll be more comfortable there anyway.”

Loki smiled when hearing those words. “Thank you, Doctor Banner.”

~ 0 ~

Coming home was always going to be the best moment in Loki’s life. Ever since he’d been kidnapped all those months ago, _this_ was what he had looked forward to the most. He climbed out of the car, feeling the first warmth of the sun on his face, though technically it was still winter, but spring was beginning to arrive and Loki tried to enjoy every bit of warmth he could feel.

“Let’s get you inside,” Sigyn said. She came to stand next to him and reached for his hand, her blue eyes revealing nothing but happiness. Loki leaned down to kiss her, pulling her into his arms and reminding himself once again that he was free and he was reunited with all the people he loved. When he broke away from the kiss, Sigyn flashed him a satisfied grin.

He glanced over his shoulder to find his parents and brother exiting the car as well. They all smiled at him, relief and satisfaction written in their gazes. Farbauti’s eyes held tears – she was always crying when Loki saw her – but they were always tears of happiness. Loki expected to find her crying for a long time to come.

“I decorated your room,” Helblindi announced gleefully. His eyes stood wide and full of mischief and this was exactly how Loki remembered his little brother. He couldn’t wait to spend more time with him, to get to know him again because he had changed so much during the past two years. “I know it hasn’t been your room in a while since you moved out of the house so long ago, but I tried to make it … cozy.”

“Thanks, little brother,” Loki said.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Laufey sighed contently. He came to stand at Loki’s side, put an around his shoulder, and pulled him momentarily closer. He pressed a kiss against his oldest son’s hair. Laufey had never been a sentimental man and even though he loved his sons fiercely, he didn’t often express it. That had changed, too, because now Laufey took every opportunity to tell his sons that he loved them, he took every opportunity to hug them or kiss them. “Welcome home, son.”

They walked towards the front door and entered the house. It was exactly how Loki remembered it. Even the smell was still the same. He let his gaze wander around, taking in every detail. The color of the walls, the tiles of the floor, the framed photos standing on top of a cabinet, the chandelier, the mirror. Loki wanted to see everything.

It was truly good to be here.

“Are you okay?” Sigyn asked before planting a quick kiss to his cheek.

“Yeah,” Loki answered, smiling. He just couldn’t believe he was home again, but it was true. It wasn’t a dream or a fantasy. He’d gotten away from Thor and he was surrounded by his family and the woman he loved so very much. This was all he could have ever hoped for. This was all he truly wanted and needed, and though he still had a difficult time lying ahead, he knew he could face it.

“Yeah, I couldn’t be happier.”

~ 0 ~

The End.

~ 0 ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story and for sticking with it to the end! You have no idea how happy it makes me that you guys enjoyed it! Gah, I can't believe we've come to the end. What a ride it has been, right? Feel free to drop a comment. :D
> 
> Seriously, I love you all!
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Cass


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